Time Is Nothing (John Frusciante)

Chapter 25

"Oh, Jessie," Cecilia gently slid her hand over her best friend's dark hair and placed a cup of tea on the tiny table right in front of her, "What happened?"

It had been an hour since Jessica made an unexpected appearance on Cecilia and John's doorstep, sobbing and talking about her and Anthony breaking up. During the whole time since her arrival she hadn't managed to properly explain anything about what had happened, she just sobbed and sobbed regardless of how much Cecilia tried to calm her down. Finally, she had accepted her offer to have a calming cup of tea and seemed to be relaxing a bit, drying her eyes and even forcing a smile on her face while she took the cup from the table and took a sip.

"It just wasn't working out, for a long time already. If it ever even did," she then quietly worded, almost sobbing again.

"But I don't understand, you've always been fine. Well, except for the last time I saw you, but..," Cecilia was confused.

"Yeah, well. The last time was when it was already really bad," Jessica shook her head and almost laughed sarcastically.

"Really bad? Honestly, Jessica, please do explain. I'm not really following any of this anymore."

"We uh.. I..," she took a deep breath, "We just can't handle it. I can't handle it. I just.. I can't trust him. I can't trust him the way you should trust a partner."

"Can't trust him?" Cecilia questioned, "What do you mean you can't trust him? Did he do anything? Has he given you any reason to feel that way?"

"No..," Jessica shook her head, "I.. I guess not."

"Ok, please start over. You're not making this any clearer," Cecilia looked at Jessica in frustration, but still tried to be as delicate as possible.

"I just can't look past this womanizer image everybody's been projecting on him for years, and with good reason," she then whispered, almost breaking down again, "I know how he used to be with girls in the past. The longer we were together the more insecure I got, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be enough and he would get tired of me."

"But.. He took you on tour and everything, wasn't that enough of a proof?"

"He only took me on tour, because I didn't leave him any other choice," Jessica breathed, "The idea of him being away from me for that long was driving me nuts, I just couldn't handle it."

"Well, yeah, but doesn't him taking you count as an effort then?" Cecilia couldn't help but to feel bad for her best friend, but still didn't quite understand everything going on.

"I guess it does," Jessica whispered again, "But as soon as we got back we just went back to this routine of yelling and screaming and fighting. We just keep arguing about the same things over and over again. I would bring up something and then he would bring up something and then it just escalates. I love him so much, but no matter how hard we try we just can't make it work."

"Oh, honey," Cecilia took a deep breath and moved from her seat to sit next to Jessica, who had broken down into tears once again, "Why didn't you tell me any of this earlier? I could have tried to help, you could have confided in me."

"Because you warned me about this right from the start," she sniffled, "I didn't want to admit that you were right. And then you and John had your issues and then you finally managed to make up and were moving into this house and I just didn't want to shit all over your happiness and excitement."

"Oh my god, Jessica. How could you even think something like that? I don't care, I want to be there for you when you're hurting. Is that the reason why you've been so weird and distant lately?"