Time Is Nothing (John Frusciante)

Chapter 16

"Keep the change," Cecilia mumbled to the cab driver as she got out of the car, trying her best to wrap her jacket around her tiny body even tighter. It was almost summer outside, but the night time weather in New York still had an unfortunate habit of turning almost freezing cold at times and tonight happened to be one of those nights. Even the half-drunk bottle of Jack Daniel's didn't prove itself too helpful against the cold anymore. In fact, it proved itself helpful only for one thing and that was numbing Cecilia's pain and sorrow, and sadly, that also only worked to an extent.

Following the car's departure, Cecilia stood on the pavement, her eyes observing the larger than life gate in front of her in all its grandiosity. It was decorated with detailed carvings of angels and excerpts from the Bible and even as it stood in one of the most final destinations in our human lives, Cecilia found it exceptionally beautiful. She had laid her eyes on this monument-like structure only once before in her life, but the visual impact of it had been so powerful that she absolutely knew she was in the right place. She then walked through the gate and took a moment to figure where to navigate. Unexpectedly confident in her memory and where she was headed, she started walking.

She was surrounded by silence. Not that there should be any type of noise on a graveyard in the middle of the night, or at all really, but the silence around her was so consuming that Cecilia almost felt like she had been pulled into some alternative version of time and space, making her feel like she was the only person in that universe. She wasn't afraid or uncomfortable. The cemetery was illuminated by lighted lanterns, the sight of them so beautiful and calming that it actually managed to soothe Cecilia's spirit in some way. She felt a sense of unmeasurable freedom, the kind you experience when there's no secrets, and no explanations.

It didn't take long for Cecilia to reach the spot she was looking for. Her memory had proved itself even more vivid than she had expected, guiding her without errors. Even the beautiful white headstone looked exactly how she had remembered, every detail in place. She kneeled down in front of the stone and the bouquet of fresh red roses lying in front of it, sliding her fingers over the carved name and dates.

"Hey," she softly whispered, a sad smile forming on her lips, "Long time, no see, huh?"

She took a moment to gather herself. There were so many things she wanted to say. All the way down to the cemetery while riding in the cab, she had been thinking of all the things she was going to say. Or should say. Cecilia didn't even know if there really was some otherwordly possibility of him hearing her or sensing her presence, but that didn't mean that she couldn't believe that he did.

"I'd come here a lot often if I could. You know that, right?" she continued, "Bring you some beautiful flowers, light candles for you.. You know, even as I can't come here as much as I'd like, I still think about you. Every day I think about you. The way you used to say my name, the way you laughed, the way you always managed to make me believe that everything was going to be alright.. The way you kissed the pain away.. Do you remember that one time we were sitting in that tiny park around your house under the most beautiful cherry blossoms and you read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland out loud for me, because it was my favourite book as a little girl? I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was so happy. I still even have the book you read from, the photos you took of me that day.."

It was now getting difficult for Cecilia to speak. The weight of all the memories flooding in was becoming unbearable. Some of them the most beautiful, happiest of her life, while others horrifying and devastating. She felt so weak and helpless again, so much that she couldn't help but to let tears roll down her cheeks once again.

"I miss you so much, Alex," she breathed out between her tears, "You have no idea how much."

She took a minute of silence to calm herself down, then wiped the tears off her cheeks while whispering, "But I have to go for now. One day, I promise that one day I will come and see you again, yeah? I love you, Alex. I'll always love you."