Time Is Nothing (John Frusciante)

Chapter 15

You can't hide it forever was repeating itself in Cecilia's head over and over again, already for hours. She was sitting on a tiny couch in her and John's hotel room, staring out of the room's window. It was already night time, but everything was still buzzing. People were roaming up and down the streets, the lights illuminating them beautifully. It was a sight oh so familiar to her, she had stared at it the same way so many times before, probably more than she could count.

She took a look towards the bed and smiled. John was sound asleep, a blanket wrapped around him tightly and the look on his face more than peaceful. It was when he was at his most natural, having no idea that someone was observing him, that Cecilia couldn't help but to just admire him and how beautiful he really was and feel with her whole entirety how painfully in love she was with him. And it was moments like these when Cecilia had to admit to herself that she was also absolutely mindlessly afraid of losing him.

She hadn't slept for a second during the whole night, the conversation she had with Jessica depriving her from sleep. After spending a few hours in bed trying to find a comfortable position and afraid that her tossing and turning might wake up John, she decided to get up and look for a spot to have a cigarette. She then threw on the most random clothes and wondered out of the hotel room, soon finding herself a tiny balcony suitable enough for a moment of smoking. Once she was finished, she returned to her and John's room and positioned herself on the tiny couch.

She had to admit it. She had been hiding things about her past from John, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that not telling him isn't the same as purposely lying. Because in reality, it was just that and Cecilia felt like the biggest liar in the world. Her boyfriend didn't know half of the things he should and Cecilia felt like she was literally drowning in guilt on that very same couch. The sudden sensation of sadness was so overwhelming that she couldn't fight the tears brimming in her eyes. She hadn't cried about the things that happened for years. In fact, she thought she didn't have any tears left to cry about it, because that was all she really did for months all these years ago. But it was all coming back, as if it was almost hunting her, and the last person she could hide from was herself.

*

"Hey, little one," Cecilia felt someone stroke her back lightly as she reluctantly opened her eyes. She was still on the couch, her head resting on her arms that were stretched out over it. She lifted her head and looked around the room, confused about her whereabouts.

"What are you doing here? The last thing I remember you were in bed next to me," John softly laughed.

"I uh.. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you with my floundering. So I went for a quick smoke and ended up here I guess," Cecilia mumbled, rubbing her eyes with the intention of bettering her vision.

"Couldn't sleep? What's going on in that tiny head of yours, huh?" John sat down next to her and grinned before gently taking her face into his palms.

"Nothing," Cecilia smiled, "Just a little tired, that's all."

"Tired?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "But like a good tired. Not like I'm sick of it kind of tired."

"Well, alright," John slid his hand over Cecilia's blonde locks and smiled once again, "You hungry? I think we can still catch breakfast."

"Uh.. Yeah, sure."

"You're still so sleepy," John laughed, "I think you need some help waking up. What about a nice little shower before the breakfast? A nice little shower with me?"

A mischevious look in his eyes, he wrapped his arms around Cecilia and kissed her seductively, causing Cecilia to giggle while shrinking betweem them.