Time Is Nothing (John Frusciante)

Chapter 43

"I'm in love with you."

Cecilia flicked her eyes open, her body covered in sweat and her mouth so dry that it made her throat sore.

It was dark.

She took a look at the tiny bedside table clock and identified the time as 4 AM.

The sound of the distant flow of traffic filled the room with a calming buzz that seemed to harmonize perfectly with her companion's easy, yet deep breathing. He was sound asleep right next to her, the look on his face expressing effortless relaxation. Cecilia envied his state of serenity. She wished she could do the same, but no matter how much she tried, she couldn't.

Her head was full of anxious thoughts and her heart was heavy.

She didn't want to admit it, but the news about John had turned her world upside down to say the least and thoughts about him were pretty much all her mind managed to occupy itself with. So much so that she could swear that the moment she opened her eyes just a few minutes ago, she could hear his voice talk to her, tell her that he was in love with her just the way he had said it almost nine years ago. The first time he had confessed his feelings to her.

Oh God, how stupid, she thought in frustration and delicately rolled herself out of bed. The last thing she wanted was to disturb Rob's sleep with her restless twisting and turning. She dressed herself into her robe and quietly made her way out of the apartment's bedroom, entering the kitchen.

"Hey, Bug," she whispered to the adorable beagle that jogged towards her, greeting her with some sniffing in the early hours of the morning.

"Good morning, handsome," she whispered again and picked up the dog, holding it in her tight and loving embrace before letting it go again and stepping close to the counter, making herself a cup of tea in hopes of improving her sleep.

She then made her way to the kitchen window, observing the cars and the lights that illuminated her surroundings and the rain drops that securely landed on the mentioned window. Having some rain during this time of the year in Los Angeles was rather rare, but Cecilia didn't mind. She loved the sound of the rain falling and found it calming, even comforting. And comfort was something she desperately needed.

The illusion of a piece of heart and a piece of mind that she had built for herself was broken with that single news article and she hated that. She hated that, because it was a sore reminder that she was the one responsible for her choices and her actions. For the past few years, even as Cecilia didn't want to admit it, it had been easier for her to put the blame on John for the way things ended between them, for the way their relationship slowly died and then decayed. It was easier to think of him as this lost soul that was gone and out of Cecilia's grasp forever, because then she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course, she thought about him and she wondered about him, but it was almost as if he wasn't real anymore. He was out of her life with a blink of an eye and in Cecilia's mind, it was impossible that he would ever become that real, living person again.

But now, all of that was shattered and Cecilia had to face the reality – John was very much real and walking the same ground as her while she was married to him, yet engaged to another. How the hell was she going to serve this to Rob? And how the hell was she going to deal with John and the divorce? Cecilia could blame John all she wanted, but at the end of the day, the situation she was in now was completely on her.

And she felt bad. She felt bad and confused and she felt this way about both Rob and John and she just didn't know what to do and what to think. But in all honesty, when it came to her and Rob, Cecilia didn't even exactly know how she and him ended up the way they did. It all just.. happened..