I Hate You But I Love You.

I Hate You But I Love You. Chapter 32

A/N- Haha, has it really been over two months? -__- next time I write a bunch of chapters in a row I should really space out the time I update them so it at least seems like I'm actively writing.

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**Lukas’ P.O.V**

I sat in the bathroom in a pitiful mess crying for about ten minutes. It was horrible. And I kept thinking that everything was indeed my fault, that I caused everyone pain and sadness. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t true, but I couldn’t find the stronger Lukas that I used to be. Things got so bad in such a short amount of time that I couldn’t handle it.

Once I finally regained control of my emotions, I splashed cold water on my face and made my way into the kitchen. Jona was setting the table while John was making stir fry. I quietly sat down at the table, keeping my head low so I would avoid eye contact. We all ate quickly in silence, thankfully, no one saying anything.

When we had all finished, Jona and John started piling the dishes in the dishwasher. I remained sitting at the table though; feeling too tired to move. I guess Jona noticed this because he walked over to me and gently put his hand on my forearm that was resting on the table.

“Lukas, are you alright?”

I managed a weak smile and ruffled his hair, “I’m alright, just tired.”

“Then maybe you should go to sleep?” He asked with wide, worried eyes. It was so obvious the love and concern he had for me that it almost broke my cracked heart. I pulled him into a hug, resting my chin on top of his head,

“Yeah, okay.”

~*~*~

I woke up in a gasping start; my wounds stinging and sweat coating my skin. I looked around the dark room wildly, realizing that I had just suffered another absolutely horrible nightmare. When my eyes adjusted, I saw the digital clock by the TV to see that it was a little past midnight. Jona was still asleep; thankfully not woken up by my night terrors. I took a long deep breath and slowly stood up, making my way to the kitchen.

Once there, I got a glass of water and started slowly sipping from it. As I stood there leaning against the counter, I heard a sudden noise come from somewhere in the apartment which caused me to flinch. It also made me feel very anxious and nervous, thinking to what would have happened if Bill found me roaming the house in the middle of the night.

My mind started to wander to dark thoughts and I hadn’t realized I was trembling or on the verge of hyperventilating until a tired looking John came into view.

“Lukas?” he asked quietly, rubbing at his eyes. His hair was a mess and he was wearing a plain white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. Somewhere in my mind I knew that he was no threat, but I was in panic mode due to my current thoughts.

I quickly put the glass down on the counter and jumped away, holding my arms up in a defensive position, “Shit! Don’t come near me, I’m sorry!” I hissed quickly; somehow aware that Jona was still asleep in the other room.

John stopped walking and tilted his head at me while raising an eyebrow, “What are you sorry for?”

We stood in silence, staring at each other for a while. Slowly, my mind calmed down and I started to feel embarrassed about what just happened. I relaxed my stance and rubbed a hand down my face, “Never mind, it was nothing.”

John sighed and took a small step forward, “Lukas, we really should talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I replied quickly, fiddling with a bandage that was on my arm.