Love, Star || Bucky Barnes. the Winter soldier

40- stitches

Stitches

I thought that I'd been hurt before
But no one's ever left me quite this sore
Your words cut deeper than a knife
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life

Got a feeling that I'm going under
But I know that I'll make it out alive
If I quit calling you my lover
Move on

You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
Shaking, falling onto my knees
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
Tripping over myself
Aching, begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

Just like a moth drawn to a flame
Oh, you lured me in, I couldn't sense the pain
Your bitter heart cold to the touch
Now I'm gonna reap what I sow
I'm left seeing red on my own

Got a feeling that I'm going under
But I know that I'll make it out alive
If I quit calling you my lover
Move on

You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
Shaking, falling onto my knees
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
Tripping over myself
Aching, begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread
Gonna wind up dead

Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread
Gonna wind up dead

Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread
Gonna wind up dead

Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head, get you out of my head

(And now that)
I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
(And now that)
I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

Hey its me alex, who else should it be lol, yeah it could have been star but him and I aren't in a good place rightnow which is the reason I decided to write again.

Cus I've got no one else to talk to, yes I know I have the girls but they will never truelly understand why I did it, I think Nat is kinda mad actually.

But that's because she doesn't know why I am acting like I am. It was hard to ask him for forgiveness and it was even harder to 'break up' with him.

I was, and am scared, I don't know why exactly. I keep telling everyone that it is because I am afraid to hurt him, but I know I could never hurt him.

The real reason is that I am afraid to lose him again, to break my heart again, to be so sad again.

I thought that if I didn't let him in to start with it would hurt less when he is taken from me again.

They always say you don't know what you have got till it is gone. And it is true, I never realized I love him until I couldn't be with him.

I never realized how much I love his gentle touches, his sweet words and his protective arms. But I can't have that anymore.

It is hard without my friend there, he turned cold, I don't blame him I know I hurt him, but the problem is he isn't only cold to me, he turned cold towards everyone.

I am worried about him, he keeps having nightmares and I don't know what to do, I have given up on sleep, I am currently running on coffee.

I feel bad, not only because of all of this but also because it is entirely my fault, there is no one else to blame.

--

JBB

Here I am again, surprise. Steve asks me why I still write in this book, because I technically don't need it anymore.

I started writing so that if hydra would catch me again I would have somewhere to read back on my life. Truth is it helps me calm down a lot, it helps me put my mind in order.

Which is exactly what I need right now. A few days ago lex came to apoligise and to ask to be together. You might think it is a good thing, that we are together now, right?

Wrong, I just couldn't trust her to not leave me again. She did it before and she will do it again. I still want to be with her but I want to give her the space and time that she needs to love herself first.

Because you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself.

I need this time and space too, I need to get everything that happened in order because it is so much to handle.

but for now I am going to watch a movie with Steve and Sam. I need to get her out of my head.

--

"we can't take you with us" tony stated his daughter was sat on the couch in front of him looking shocked, a few weeks had passed since her and bucky talked and she still didn't have full control back.

"what do you mean you can't take me with you? I am more powerful than all of you combined" she admitted and tony had to say he was proud of her for finally realizing but he still couldn't allow it.

"you are too unstable, we can't trust you what if you hurt yourself" he said and she shook her head. "you mean hurt anyone else..........unbelievable" she crossed her arms.

"sweety you know what happened, so you know why I just can't allow it" tony said taking off his glasses.

"it wasn't that big of a deal, besides no one got hurt" she rolled her eyes and tony pinched the bridge of his nose.

"what do you mean not such a big deal, you blew up the back yard" tony gritted. After her talk with bucky she lost control again and accidentily blew over the trees from root up.

"yeah but I said sorry and Bucky and Steve helped me put the trees back in place" she reasoned but tony still shook his head.

"we just can't risk something like that to happen again-" "it could be usefull-" "I AM NOT LETTING YOU COME WITH US END OF THIS DISCUSSION" he yelled and her lip wobbled, she didn't like yelling.

Tony felt bad about it immediately "Lex I'm sorry-" she just teleported into the gym and began punching one of the bags.

"why don't they understand that they are hurting me with their words" she grumbled in between punches.

She had been hurt before, hurt big time, she got used to it. but getting hurt from the ones she loved was something she could never get used to.

She had to say goodbye to being with the one she liked, she was dealing with her powers, she was struggling mentally and now her friends and family began doubting her as well.