Chemistry (Otis Milburn)

59

I was invited to present at the Cinema Movie Awards, the most important night in the industry. I was presenting for best supporting actor and was given a sneak peek of the nominees. Nick was on the list for There I Was, a movie he was in last year. Amy called Nick immediately after I got off the phone to tell him the news.

I was happy for Nick, but an overall nervous wreck. Millions across the country were going to watch me. Thousands were going to write about it online. I've been to numerous red carpet events, but this was going to be my first time presenting an award in just two days. 

"This is going to be your first time back in the spotlight after a rough few months. Are you sure you're able to do this?" Nick asked, hesitant about my attendance.

"I'm certain. I'm going to be just fine. This is my only opportunity to utilize my voice." I responded. I thought convincing myself otherwise would reduce my nerves.

"My first award show, I'm actually very excited about this. Imagine everyone's reaction when I go back to school." Otis paced back and forth, picturing his catwalk down the hallway of the school. 

"Yeah, if you actually show up to this event." I sniffed, reminding him of the last time I asked him to attend an event with me. He rolled his eyes and chuckled. 

The idea of sitting through hair, makeup and wardrobe for four hours was not something I was looking forward to, but I had to do it. I had to make a decision by the time the award show rolled around.

"Do you know what you're going to say yet?" Nick asked, fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt. 

"Besides introducing the nominees, I don't know. I have to come up with something. I still have two days." I wondered if Camille was invited. Part of me somehow wanted to keep in touch with her while the other was telling me to let her go.

                                                                                          ***

We celebrated Nick's nomination with a fancy dinner at a nearby restaurant. I was going to miss this small town in the middle of nowhere. The three of us vowed to come back and stay at the Williamson every time we wanted to have a little getaway. Being away from the city gave me time to think about everything. I had some room to breathe and clear my thoughts in order to get into the right headspace. 

I thought about everything I went through. From being stalked by Camille to Otis getting shot to spending a few days at the mental hospital, I reflected on how this series of unfortunate events morphed me into the person I was today; the person who I was going to become. 

There was one other thing I had to come into terms with: Otis. 

Fuck, who was I kidding? I loved that guy. I loved the shit out of him. I don't know what I would do without him. I blindly took him to hell and back because I was too afraid to come into terms with my emotions. I thought I was protecting him, but I was constantly putting him in danger. If I could turn back time, I would change it all, but it was time to leave it all in the past and move on. To be able to love who I want freely without anyone telling me otherwise. To be able to walk up and down the hallways, Otis's fingers intertwined with mine. I loved Otis, and he loved me. He became the right person at the wrong time, but there is no time when it comes to love. 

I wanted the feeling of emptiness to evaporate as if it had never existed in the first place. I wanted to go back to school. I missed our chemistry class. I missed nearly falling asleep to Mr. Anderson's lectures. I missed the counselor who tried kissing up to me so hard it was embarrassing. I wanted a prom. I wanted to pick out a beautiful dress, do my own hair and makeup and go with Otis to dance until our feet bled. I was living every girl's dream. I'm a damn celebrity. I'm financially independent, and won't ever have to worry about money, but nothing would make me more happy than to be able to live a normal life with someone who truly cares about me.