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😭💞💙💃Angst to Fluff (Request) Lucifer X F! Reader: When You Can't Love Yourself

Requests are OPEN! What do you want to read? ~gabsolutely31

Published 9/17/2021 on WATTPAD. If you are reading this on any other site, then it has been stolen and republished without my permission. I DO NOT consent for anyone to use or publish my work without my expressed permission.

TW: Negative self-talk/poor self-image, mentions of wanting to self-harm and self-harming, description of physically abusive situations and relationships. If this triggers you, please do not read!

E/N – Ex name

A/N – In this story, you are in a relationship with Lucifer.

Requested by: @amberlarivee on Instagram

"When You Can't Love Yourself"

3rd Person POV

"You'll never be anything! You stupid waste of space!" the man growled at the young woman.

The female, in turn, tried to run from the man, but to no avail. He grabbed her by her hair and arm and swung her around, causing her to hit the wall. Her back ached, her head felt dizzy, and tears rose in her eyes. The man raised a clenched fist and yelled, "You caused this! You brought this on yourself. This is your fault!" before beginning to swing. She closed her eyes, bracing for the immense pain.

Y/N POV

I woke up with a start, again. Covered in sweat, I could feel my heart racing. Looking at my clock, I could see that it was very close to the time for me to get ready for the day. I got up and made my way to my bathroom to splash some water on my face. I looked at myself and saw what he saw in me.

Pathetic

Worthless

Ugly

Useless

These words rang through my head on a daily basis. Even worse, they ring through more when I have these nightmares, which have become more and more frequent. Looking at myself in the mirror, I began to cry; I hated everything about myself. I truly felt worthless and disgusting being who I was. I searched through my bathroom drawers until I found what I was looking for. Grabbing the blade, I lifted my shirt and ran the cold metal across my arms, watching as blood fell from the cuts. Tears trickled from my eyes, both from the pain of the cuts and the relief of the distraction from him.

Since that relationship, I have never thought of myself as someone who was worthy. I'm replaceable and I always will be. I've tried to move on from the pain that E/N caused me, but it hasn't been easy. Every day, I look at myself and I see a shell of who I used to be, and I hate it! I just want to be me again, but I don't think that's possible. From how I look, to how I act, everything about me is wrong. My body is too much; the only thing my skin is good for is to be a canvas to show my pain. I don't talk with others much anymore because I know if I do, they'll see me for how I really am – a pathetic shell of a person who isn't worth the time of day.

Washing my arm, I wince at the pain, before I wrap the cuts up, brush my teeth and hair, and make my way to my closet. I grabbed a baggy outfit that doesn't touch my body, that way I don't have to worry about the fabric brushing against my arms and made my way downstairs. Unsurprisingly, all of the brothers were already at the table.

"Morning Y/N!" Beel said with his mouth full.

"Morning Beel. Good morning guys," I responded.

The rest of the brothers nodded or smiled in response. Making my way to my spot, Lucifer got up and pulled my chair out for me to sit. "How did you sleep?" he asked.