I will tell you everything when I'm ready....
Disclaimer:
This is a fan fiction. Which means the full story is made up/fake.
May contain some scenes and topics that may cause you to be uncomfortable:
- Angst
- harassments and bullying
- depression...
It's been a year since I last saw him... It's been a year since I last held him in my arms. I miss his smiles, his voice, his sweet kisses, his warm embrace, his scent. I miss everything; I miss him.
Sunoo and I didn't have any closure. I was left confused and broken. I didn't even know if we broke up. But, he promised to come back.. And until now, I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting for him. I knew that time, I had to let him go. It was for him, for his mental health.
I trusted his decisions. Our relationship was not that long, but we became mature about it. We were both flawed, we both made mistakes, but our love was so true. There were never doubts about our love.
The whole universe knows how much we loved each other but maybe during that time, our love wasn't enough to keep us going. I understand that he has to go, he needs to find himself.
I wanted him to love himself first, before loving me. I want him to know how special he is. How nice, beautiful and strong he is. I want Sunoo to see himself as how I see him.
But in the past few months, I was just trying hard to be strong, I tried to keep everything to myself. I just waited. I patiently waited.
I studied seriously. I took lots of extracurricular activities, part time jobs and played games a lot. I did everything just to be occupied, to make time fly faster.
Sometimes I grew tired and wanted to shrug everything. There was no assurance that he'll come back. Even his friends didn't know if he will. I was starting to lose hope.
Last year, we both promised to go back here together. But I know we can't, not right now. But I still wanted to fulfill that promise, all the promises that I made to him, I wanted to keep them all, even if I was the only one who will keep it.
To be honest, I came back here, hoping that he's here too. I know it's impossible, but I had a tiny bit of hope that he'll be here. It also got me thinking that maybe if I didn't see him here today, maybe it's time to let him go. Maybe I was the only one who's holding on.
I stayed until late at night, but Sunoo never came. My heart was heavy, but I tried to understand. I still love him. I really do. Even if it pains me, I walked alone to the place where we kept our letters to each other.
Before leaving the beach house last year, we wrote letters. Letters that we said we'll read a year later. I wanted to see his message. Maybe that message will give me the closure I needed.
I opened the box that supposed to contain the letters we wrote. I immediately saw his letter for me..
- Sunoo's letter to Sunghoon
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Tears were falling in my cheeks. I cried so much. My chest hurts, I'm having a hard time breathing. I remembered how much we loved each other, how much he loved me. Sunoo was my everything. Until now, he is. When he left, I felt like half of my life was taken away from me.
I was about to give up. But reading his letter, I was reminded how he said that he'll come back for me. I trust him. I should pull myself together and trust him. Trust our relationship.
---------------------------------
A little bit later I realized something. The box only has his letter for me, my letter was gone.
Sunoo went here, didn't he? I know he did. It was only us who knew were we kept this box. We intentionally hid it to a place only we will find.
I tried to look for him everywhere, but I didn't see him. I wasn't able to see him, even a glimpse of him.
But now, what keeps me from holding on to him is that, he kept our promise.
