When I'm ready - SUNSUN AU

Chapter 20

Sunoo's POV (The past year since he left)

Before I left, I knew it will be difficult for the both of us. Our love was just starting, but it wasn't my intention to end it. I know that there's no assurance that Sunghoon will wait for me until everything was okay, but I knew I had to make a decision. It was for him and for me. 

I love him, so much that I couldn't bear seeing him being cautious and scared whenever he touches me. I want to hold him, kiss him and make love to him without any fear and doubts. 

I wanted to give Sunghoon so much love, all the love that he deserved. 

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A year already passed and my sessions with a psychiatrist were very helpful. At first, it was hard. It felt like I wasn't going to change. I tried so hard to hide everything about me from everyone. I blamed myself for being weak, for being sexually harassed, and for being alone. 

I didn't want to hide anymore. I felt that I was ready to face my past, not only for Sunghoon, but for me. As the days gone by, I gradually started forgiving and loving myself for who I am, a thing I wasn't able to do in the past. 

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In the midst of forgiving myself, I went to Vincent whom was locked in jail for a year now. Vincent also had undergone therapy. I realized that during those rough times, we were so young, and our minds were clouded with different feelings and mistakes we were bound to commit. I wanted to clarify things with him. I had a lot of questions and now I'm ready to ask him.

(Dialogue between Vincent and Sunoo)

Vincent: I didn't expect you to come here, Sunoo.
Sunoo: I just wanted to talk to you and ask, why me? Of all people, why did you do that to me?
Vincent: I'm sorry. I know I've caused you a lot of trauma. I've been reflecting and regretting everything that I did to you. I really loved you, Sunoo. But it was too much, I loved you too much that when you rejected me, it felt like the only choice for me to be with you and get you was doing that. I was crazy and doing all those things to you made me crazier. I'm sorry. I won't force you to forgive me. But I hope than one day you'll be free. Free from all the suffering I did to you.
Sunoo: I didn't go here to forgive you. At least for now I can't. But I'm trying to. Not for you, but for me. I want to leave everything that happened in the past and start anew. The only way I can do that is to let go of all the things that happened in the past and forgive myself too. 

*Vincent cried as Sunoo left. He knows it's wrong for him to love Sunoo. After all the things that he did, he knew he was never going to be his.

-- A little flashback on why Vincent fell in love with Sunoo.

Sunoo was a transfer student. He was known to be kind and smart. He didn't care about the background, looks and social status of a person. One night, when Sunoo was walking home, he saw Vincent, whom he didn't know that time. He was left alone in a small alleyway covered in blood and bruises after fighting with some other students who already left. Sunoo did not hesitate to help him.

SN: Are you okay? Can you stand up?
VT: I can. Just leave. Don't take me to the hospital. My parents shouldn't know about this.
SN: But you're hurt. I can't just leave you here. I think you go to the same school as me, let's go to the nurse's office instead. I'll treat your wounds there.
VT: You don't have to. Just leave.
SN: NO! I said let's go there!
VT: Okay...

Sunoo smiled brightly and carried him (piggyback ride). They went to the nurse's office and Sunoo cleaned his wounds and wrapped it in bandages. During those times, Vincent was just looking at him. He fell in love with how caring and nice Sunoo is. It was his first time being cared for even if he tried to push him away.