HIS PLAYBOY M-preg

CHAPTER 31

(BEWARE! NOT YET EDITED!)

**

-AUSTIN

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang oras naba ang nakalipas magmula ng maisugod si Matt dito sa hospital. Hangang ngayon ay wala paring doctor na lumabas sa emergency room upang bigyan kami ng update even Matt's mother who is a doctor here in the hospital ay wala ring balita kung ano na nga ba ang kalagayan ngayon ni Matt at ng anak namin sa loob.

Napasabunot nalang ako ng aking buhok habang umiiyak samahan pa nang panginginig ng aking katawan. My dad and my sisters are trying their very best to comfort me but no matter how they try I still can't stop my self lalo pat sa tuwing ipipikit o titignan ko ang aking mga kamay tanging dugo lang ang nakikita ko.

Not just any blood but Matt's blood.

Shit! Shit! Shit! Kasalan mo yun Austin eh! You fvcking asshole!!

"Aaaaaaarrrrrghh!!" Malakas kong sigaw sabay suntok sa pader. Bigla namang nagkagulo ang lahat dahil sa ginawa ko.

Mabilis namang kumilos sina Zack and Ford para hawakan ako pero nagpupumiglas lang ako mula sa pagkakahawak nila.

"Let me go! Damnit!! Aaaarrgh! Let go!!" Told them while trying my best to break free.

Lumapit naman si dad samin at pilit akong hinahawakan."Son! Please calm down! Sinasaktan mo lang ang sarili mo. Tama na!" Pagpapakalma niya sa akin.

I look at him. "Paano dad?!...sabihin mo! Paano ako kakalma huh?! How can I do that knowing Matt is still there figthing for his and our baby's life! How can I do that knowing that all of this is my fault!  I do this to them Dad and I fvcking hate myself because of that!...Kaya ngayon sabihin mo kung pano ako kakalma?!!" Sigaw ko habang lumuluha. I don't care if they saw me in my vulnerable state right now.

"I know son but please stop blaming yourself. Walang may gusto ng nangyari lalong lalo na hindi natin hawak ang panahon. Magdasal nalang tayo na maging maayos ang lahat please" Sabi ulit ni dad.

Umiling ako sa kanya. "I'm sorry dad but you don't understand. I can't..." I replied.

No one knows how I felt right now.

"I know son...but please can you let me take care of your wounds? Kahit yan lang? Your knuckles is bleeding " Kung hindi pa sinabi ni Dad ay hindi ko pa malalaman na nasugatan pala ako mula sa pagsuntok ko sa pader kanina.

"No need dad. I can manage. Hindi naman ako mamamatay sa kunting sugat na ito and besides I can't feel anything right now" Walang emosyon kung sabi sabay marahas na tinanggal ang aking magkabilang braso na hawak hawak ni Zack at Ford.

"B-but son...." tututol pa sana siya ngunit naglakad na ako papalayo mula sa kanila. I walked away but don't know where to go. Basta ang alam ko lang ay kailangan ko munang lumayo doon sandali. While walking people inside the hospital can't help themselfs but not to stare or spare me a glance because of my bloody apperance right now. Some nurse even tried to stop me asking if I was okay but I just paid no attention to them. Hindi ko sila binigyan ng pansin. I just keep on walking not knowing where my feet would take me.

Hanggang sa namalayan ko nalang na dinala na pala ako ng aking mga paa sa loob kapilya dito sa ospital. Namalayan ko nalang din ang aking sarili na nakaluhod at napahagulgul ng iyak. This is the very first time in years na makikipag-usap ako sa Panginoon.

"I...I'm scared" Panimula ko "I'm so scared right now , why? Kasi ang taong mahalaga sa akin ay nasa loob fighting for his and our baby's life.. W-Why? Why did this happend? Bakit sa lahat sa amin pa ito nangyari all I ever want is to keep him safe. Mali ba ako sa aking naging desisyon? Mali ba ako na ilihim yun sa kanya? Sabihin mo? Mali ba? Please....tell...me" Iyak ko na parang bata.

"I just did that to for him...pero bakit?! Bakit ba ito nangyari!! Karma ko na ba ito sa lahat ng ginawa kong kagagohan dati? Ito ba ang kabayaran ng lahat?! Kung Oo, please! Ako nalang! Ako nalang wag lang si Matt at ang baby namin...I...I can't lose them. Hindi ko kaya----"

"---please I'm begging you. Save them...please just save them. Nagmamakaawa ako" Pagsusumamo ko sa Panginoon habang umiiyak na nakatingin sa kanyang rebolto. "Please...please" I pleaded again.

And right there and there I heard my sister's voice. "Kuya! Si kuya Matt!"

***
Pagbukas ko ng pintuan sa kwarto na pinaglagyan ni Matt ay mabilis ko siyang nilapitan at hinawakan ng puno ng pag-iingat ang kanyang kamay na may IV. Hindi ko pinansin ang ibang tao na nasa loob.

"I'm so sorry darling...please forgive me" I softly whisper to him while slowly caressing his face. His sleeping right now. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko habang tinitignan siya. Yung dating puno ng buhay at mapupulang pisnge at labi niya angayon ay maputla na.

"Is...Is Matt and the baby alright? please tell me" I ask no one in particular.

"The baby almost did not make it. Matt lost so much blood, buti nalang at mabilis silang na isugod dito sa hospital kung hindi...baka huli na ang lahat" Sagot nang Ate ni Matt. I can see her eyes are red probably from crying.

Para akong dinurog muli ang aking puso ng marinig ito magmula sa kanya.

This is all my fault! Oh God!

"Mabuti nalang din at malakas ang kapit ng bata but Doctor Bentez warn as that if this happend again the baby or Matt may not survive it. Lalo pat may sakit si Matt." Dagdag pa niya. I just sat there listening at the same time still keep blaming myself.

I don't know If I can still live a day if something bad will happend to them again. Hinding hindi ko na mapapatawad ang sarili ko pag nagkataon.

After that Doctor bentez went inside and check Matt. He also told us more about Matt's condition. Hindi ko na siya pinakinggan pa dahil ang buong atensyon ko lang ay nakay Matt.

*
Two days had passed and still Matt is not yet waking up. Dalawang araw na din akong hindi umaalis sa kanyang tabi. Ni kumain o matulog ay hind ko magawa. Pakiramdam ko ayaw kumilos ng aking katawan. Para itong walang kabuhay buhay. I just want to be here when he open his eyes again. Gusto ko andito ako pag binuksan na nya ang kanyang mga mata kahit na alam kung ako ang gusto niyang huling makita. It's okay atleast alam kung okay siya na buhay sila.

"I know your mad at me right now darling that you don't want to see me, but please always remember that I love you and peanut so much kaya ko yun nagawa. Sana mapatawad mo ako. I never meant to cause you harm,  that was the last thing I would do. I just hope that when you wake up you'll never hate me at sana bigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon na magpaliwanag and please I'm begging you...please don't leave me" Pagsusumamo ko sa natutulog na si Matt.

Never in a million years that I thought  I would do this to other person. The Austin that I knew would never bow down to others. The Austin that I knew would never love this much and the Austin that I knew would never begged for someone. That is the Austin that I knew before but everything changed because of him. He changed me. Matt brings the best and worst in me that's why I can't lose him.

Not now...not ever

*****
Author's note: As promise :)