HIS PLAYBOY M-preg

CHAPTER 36

A/N: Hello! As promise :)

(BEWARE! NOT YET EDITED!)

-Sorry for the grammatical error and spelling.

*
-AUSTIN

"How are you son?" The very first thing he asked me when he saw me smoking outside at the roof top of the hospital.

The view here is great actually, you can see everything but at this moment I don't feel like appreciating it right now because my world feels like grey. Andito lang ako ngayon para manigarilyo at huminga ng kunti. Not minding anything.

I put my left hand on my pocket and look straight ahead "Still the same dad, I am not okay and will never be okay until I can see that Matt is fine and finally awake" I told him flatly.

It's been months since that incident happened. 4 months to be exact and Matt is still in coma. My life has never been the same anymore. I feel like shit! I feel like every day a part of myself is slowly fading away. I am trying my very best to stay strong but sometimes I feel like I wanted to give up and escape all of this but every time that thoughts would cross my mind the feeling I have for Matt and our kids are much more stronger than that and also I know that I  am not alone on this. I have my family and friends na masasandalan ko.

Hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin lubos na matanggap ang pagkamatay ng anak namin. Our baby boy "Alestar" That was one of the most painful day of my life. Durog na durog ako Ng panahon na yun.

Imagine knowing that your son was dead before you got the chance to hold him in your arms. Watching him got buried infront of you! Knowing that you would never see him grow, celebrate his birthday, have Christmas , valentines, Halloween , New year together or how he would get hurt had a girlfriend or boyfriend going to school or getting married. Lahat ng yan ay magiging panaginip nalang para sa amin.

Napakasakit, Nakakapanghina.

Inilibing namin sya  just an hour after he was born, without Matt knowing that our child was gone forever. I cried every night thinking of it asking why it has to be us. Why it has to be my son! Hindi naman ako siguro ganito kasama na dapat parusahan ng ganito.

Why life is so unfair ..

"I thought you already quit smoking son, Matt will be mad pag nakita ka niyang naninigarilyo na naman. You know he hates it when he smell that on you. Naalala mo nung natulog ka sa labas dahil nangangamoy sigarilyo ka, ilang linggo mo din syang sinuyo nun para lang kausapin ka nya ulit. Ha-ha! That kid is really something...." My Father said. Tahimik lang ako habang nakikinig sa kanya.

"... You know son ever since that you met Matt and got to know him personally and learning that you are going to be a father, you've changed alot. Of course!  Not in the bad way! Alam mo nag bago ka in a sense na inayos mo yung buhay mo. You changed for him and I am so proud of what you have become today son" He added that made me emotional.

"Dad..I-" He cut me off at umiling.

"No son... give me this time na humingi din ng tawad sayo  nung mga panahong kailangan mo ako bilang ama mo. When your mother left us, nag pagkain ako sa aking na raramdaman . Naging mapurok ako, naging mahina, naging inutil, kaya sobrang napabayaan ko kayo ng mga kapatid mo. Patawad kung ikaw ang umako sa mga resbonsibilidad na dapat na ako ng  gumagawa bilang magulang mo noon. You went through so much even at the young age. Kinaya mo lahat anak kahit ngayon. You my son is one of the strongest man I know and I am so so proud to be your father. Lagi mong tatandaan na andito lang ako para sayo, susuprtahan kita kahit Anong gawin mo. Mahal na mahal kita anak" Hindi ko mapigilang hindi maiyak sa sinabi ng aking ama.