Chocolate and Cigarettes

Chapter 61 - The Talk

Friends are precious. That's what Jennifer thought. She knew that the moment she had met her five friends, she would never let them go. Family was something very important for the Potters. Not everyone could become family but once you were, you could be sure that it was it. To her, her friends were her family. So when she went to class, made a joke, started singing in the common room and looked next to her only to notice that Fabian was not there, she felt empty.

To her, not having Fabian by her side was torture. He was her best friend, so she didn't understand when he avoided her every single day.

"You look fucking miserable."

Jennifer looked away from a laughing Fabian from far away and looked at her best friend instead. He was currently talking to a blonde Hufflepuff girl. Flirting more than talking, to be honest. She would've loved to be the one next to him and helping him get her. But she couldn't because, for some reason, he completely stopped talking to her.

"Shut up Marlene."

Marlene looked at her and laughed before putting her head on Jennifer's lap. Jennifer rolled her eyes and looked down at her friend before poking her forehead.

"It's sad how sad you are when Fabian is mentioned or around." She continued.

Jennifer sighed and looked down at her cigarette. She hadn't lighted it yet but she was looking at it. She was frowning down at it. She had started smoking with Fabian. She remembered one night in autumn. Fabian was grieving for a few months after his parents died and he was starting to get depressed. She had found him at the edge of the Astronomy tower with a pack of cigarettes. He was looking down at it and that's when she arrived. She had told him that whatever he was about to face, they would face it together. So when he decided to light the cigarette and take a drag of it, she did too.

Gideon and Alice had already started smoking and Marlene and Lily followed after Fabian and Jen.

He was her best friend. She was there for him through every little bad and good thing and he was supposed to be there too. Not only in the bad but also the good moments. But he was not there. And she couldn't even try to imagine why.

After looking at it for some time, she decided to light it and take a drag.

"Jen... I think I know why he doesn't want to talk to you." Marlene started slowly.

Jennifer looked up from her lap and frowned at Marlene. If she knew, why hadn't she told her? She was sure Gideon knew because he was his brother but how could Marlene possibly know?

"H-"

"I won't tell you myself because it's not my place but he has a reason. It may be shitty and dumb but it's still a reason." Marlene said smiling lightly.

Jennifer sighed again and let the smoke out of her mouth. She didn't know what to say to that. So she just nodded and brought her knees up to her chest.

"I miss him." She said looking at him.

He was still smiling at that girl.

"I know." Marlene said.

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Jennifer had thought the whole day. She tried to think about how to approach Fabian without how to make him run. But it was far from being an easy task. Wherever she went, he seemed to walk away. So she had no choice but to corner him somewhere where he couldn't leave.

That is why when she saw him stand up from the common room couch and going up to his dorm, she shifted from where she was pressed against Remus and stood up. He took her hand and smiled up at her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go and talk to Fabian." She said without looking back and walking the stairs up.

When she did, Gideon, Marlene, Alice, and Lily looked at each other. They knew how it was going to end and they weren't sure if any of them would be quite ready for that. But it wasn't their decision to make.

Jen knocked at the door but didn't wait for him to respond to open it. She entered the room and closed the door. He had just changed from his clothes and was wearing his red plaid pyjama bottoms and his black Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

When he heard the door shut, he turned around and immediately stiffened when he saw Jennifer standing there. That was a sight she wouldn't forget. Because no matter what happened, he would never stiffen around her. Never.

"Gideon is still downstairs." He said turning around and starting to make his bed.

Jennifer fidgeted with her hands and sighed.

"I know." She said. "I came here to see you."

He stopped patting his pillow for a second before continuing.

"I am tired."

She took a step forward and crossed her arms.

"No, you're not."

"Je-"

"Why are you avoiding me, Fabian?" She asked uncrossing her arms, making her arms fall against her thighs.

She smiled nervously and looked at his back. He had stopped what he was doing and was slowly turning around. And when she looked at his face, her smile faded a bit. His eyes looked more than troubled and his whole body looked tense. There was no smile playing on his lips and his face was a mask.

"I'm not avoiding you." He said in a monotone voice.

"Oh no?" She said sarcastically. "I'm sorry, I thought that the fact that you always chose anyone over me to do a project, or that whenever you see me in a hallway you run away or that when you see me looking at you and opening my mouth you stand up and leave. You don't even look at me! We don't laugh, we don't talk, we don't cry, we don't spend any time together."

His eyebrows furrowed but the troubled eyes were still present and his mouth was opened with no sound coming out of it. She could see that he was trying to say something but he couldn't. He wanted to talk to her but he couldn't and she was trying to let him talk to her but she was sick of waiting for him to talk.

"Come on Fabian." She said taking a step forward, making Fabian look down at her while he tried to steady his breath. "You can't just stop talking to me like that. You're my friend."

He closed his eyes and loosened a breath before opening them again and laughing frustratedly. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up before looking down again.

"I don't know how you do that." He said looking down at her and chuckling nervously. "I can't be your friend. Not anymore."

She furrowed her eyebrows and made a step forwards. She grabbed his arm and searched his eyes. She needed him to look at her and to explain. Because it may sound selfish, it may be the most selfish thing she had ever done but she needed him. She needed him as a friend. She could not imagine her life without him.

"Why? Why can't you be my friend?" She asked him as he shook her hand off of his arm.

He took a step back and turned around while taking big breaths.

"Because I can't."

But she wasn't letting him do that. She wasn't letting him throw away their friendship for a simple because. They deserved more. She deserved more than a because. More than someone turning their back and walking away without any reason.

"No. I need you to tell me why you won't-"

"Because I am in love with you!"He yelled.

Jen took a step back, startled. From every single thing she could've imagined, she would've never thought that she would hear that. That her best friend was in love with her. How could she have missed it?

"What?"

"I love you, Jenny." He said looking at her.