This Is (Unfortunately)ME

9/28/2021

Okay so we all gotta take an L sooner or later. It's just the fact that I knew it was gonna be a lesson and nothing else. It's okay though because I'm glad I know the truth now instead of later when I really could have gotten hurt.

I don't wanna know all the details or how things were said and received. I know all I need to know right now. Curiosity killed the damn cat and I'm not a cat person. I'm not too hurt just disappointed because I was hoping we could at least be friends or associates but I guess not. This is why I don't put my walls down for anyone. I learned that the second time I felt a pain in my chest. I'm almost never wrong when it comes to that shit. Sometimes always being right doesn't have its perks.

You didn't get too close but that was really by my doing. You didn't want to know about me and I could tell that I was just trying to convince myself to play stupid for a little while longer until I hit confirmation. I thought it'd be from you but this way works too. If you weren't feeling it you could have said that or better yet left me alone where I was, happy. Don't insert yourself into my life by force and try to pull wool over my eyes. Make me enjoy it.

You would hurt my feelings a few times but you said you were blunt and I believed you immediately. You hid shit and wanted me to be as open as ever. You asked for favors and I obliged because I was forced to be comfortable around you. I couldn't figure you out because you were smarter than you looked at times. Still not smart enough to cover your tracks. Damn sure kit smart enough to give me hints at how you really felt about me. I mean damn nigga the eye rolls, being stingy with your phone but playing on mine, leaving me alone, and outright getting weirdly upset at shut that wouldn't upset people that actually tried to understand me.

I can't stand bitch behavior and I said I only fuck with honesty. Why I have to find out from other sources after you were just in my face the other day and texting my phone the same day. It's not like you suddenly changed your mind about me after getting to know me because you didn't want to do that either. We barely knew each but damn such a disappointment that I wasted even the littlest bit of time worrying about if it was me. I knew it was you because I've had good, great even and you were far from it. I was just kind hoping I would get something out of it first. You got everything, all the time. And when you didn't you'd get angry and quickly put your mask on or you'd just leave which was fine because I didn't ask questions about what you did or who you'd do it with. I didn't care but I feel like other people were trying to convince me it was more than it was because we weren't anything, honestly. That's such a fucking relief because I'd be damn if I cry over it or you. You really didn't have shit I want besides height and a cat that I never saw or rode in so I'm really over been. I've been over it honestly since fucking Saturday night when you left and promised to come back I bet knowing damn well you probably wouldn't.

I hate when people use me knowing they can just ask and if we're cool I'll say yes. Like bro you didn't need to lie or be fake it's so sad that you felt the need to do that over something so small. I would ask if you were as dumb as I thought and yes you are. I asked if you were a hoe and I bet I was right about that too. This whole thing is so grimy and childish but what did I expect, I had a feeling I was fucking with a kid when you said you were younger than me. Also we didn't have much in common and had tension that I didn't speak on.

I feel better now so I won't say too much more cuz it's a waste of my time. Just know if I see you again and we lock eyes or anything shit like that, you better not say a damn thing to me. Ain't shit sweet and I won't find it funny. Fucking jackass.