This Is (Unfortunately)ME

5/13/2022

My birthday is next week.
I'm back at home after my first semester of college. I'm ready to leave. I'm depressed.

I just remembered something from years ago. I don't recall the background information or what I was going through.
I just remember me either cooking or cleaning the kitchen of our old house. I was minding my business and I know that I had been having some break downs, like usual. It was more than usual and I think a couple of them were in front of my family.
I remember just standing there and my mom asks if she can ask me a question. I answer. Then she goes on to ask me, "Are you happy here?"
I don't remember my exact reply to her. Pretty sure I shrugged my shoulders and looked away when I answered. I didn't want to come off too strong. I had been waiting for her or anyone to ask me that so I could open up that can of worms. Disappointingly I was short of what felt like the right answer, so I said what I could. I mentioned I was so lonely.
In return I got, "so what can we do to make you feel happier here? What do you wanna go out and do?"
I don't know. I'm not used to being asked that.
I was tasked with finding places that my mom and I could ho together and told to make plans with my friends more often. No point in me being home and feeling lonely and sad all the time.

I don't know how I forgot that.
I need that to happen again soon. I want to be reached out to on some "you can be vulnerable" shit. I might answer correctly this time.