This Is (Unfortunately)ME

11/7/2020

Damn I just realized that I've only written once this whole year in this online "diary". Anyway Biden won today so the fat Cheeto man is getting kicked out the White House come January.

I'm lonely and bored lately but that feeling comes in waves for me. I miss my friends but they are out starting their lives like I'm trying to start mine. I just want to go back to having fun. All I do now is work and online shop to convince myself that I'm enjoying myself.

I'm either surrounded by people at work or can't get a moment alone at home but I still feel lonely and isolated. I miss you and I hope you miss me too.

But I think I'm doing better with my maturity at least so that's good. I feel more grown now than I've ever felt but sometimes I still can feel like a little gurl that doesn't know what she's doing but to be fair I don't know all the time.

2020 has been a shut year for the world but I've had to grow up and I think I'm doing a good enough job. My insecurities are easing up now. I still can't have sex or be seen naked but aye what's new? I shop more in different sizes that aren't too big. I've recently found out I might be a size 15/16 in jeans because xl was always too big. I was happy when I wasn't so nervous that my pants wouldn't fit that I didn't buy them. I got them yesterday, and they fit perfectly. I wasn't relieved I was smaller I was just happy I looked good.

I'm figuring out my own style and trying news wats to show it. I like browns. I like nuetral tones and tans. I love white and black like I always have. I want to buy some trendy clear heels and I even bought a pink two piece. I hate pink, but I think I look good in it.

I don't flirt as much anymore even tho I have many chances. I don't need the attention. I'm flattered but I'm good without anyone else.

Ooh also I bought two handbags and I felt like a bad bitch holding them in the mirror. I wore a fake nose piercing on a lunch date and wasn't nervous that someone would ask if it was real or not. I felt cool either way.

I don't get too nervous at the register or in stores by myself anymore. My bank account gives me enough attitude and backs it up ten fold. I want what I want and I have no problem paying a price. I work my ass off to get myself what I want and that makes me happy.

Chipotle might not be the best job but it supplies the checks. I'll just have to find a new way to enjoy it without my two favorite coworkers.

I just want to live the life that a bad bitch like myself deserves tbh.

Anywho I miss my girlfriend but she won't text me back. Knowing her she has a good reason but still I want her to tell me goodnight back at least and send me a kiss emoji or something. Hell.

I have church tomorrow so let me stop rambling on this keyboard and find something better to do.