This Is (Unfortunately)ME

3/2/2019

No sad bitch hours just putting this shit out there in the universe so I know its official.

I woke up this early morning immediately feeling depressed. I started feeling useless and unappreciated by those around me. So I'm gone make my announcement to myself as a contract.

I don't got no more friends. Either they family or they nobody at all. I said what the fuck I said.

Fuck all these people I stay around and talk to. They ain't shit and ain't never gone be shit. They a cut of cheese with no corners, ain't never gone be a slice. I'm bout to start acting real different with some mothafuckas. I don't want not one of them to come at me with some new shit asking why it seem like we not cool. If they think we not cool then we not cool cuz if we were close you wouldn't have to question it at all.

That being said Fuck everybody and they family. Fuck yo mama. Fuck yo daddy. Fuck yo sisters. Fuck yo brothers. Fuck yo aunt. Fuck yo uncle. Fuck yo grandma. Fuck yo dead ass granddaddy. And double fuck yo dog. Yup! That lil nigga can get it too. Woof woof bitch.

I'm sick and tired of questioning my place in people's lives. This shit not funny anymore. I shouldn't have to miss people who aren't even gone. I shouldn't lose little pieces of myself because I don't think people love me.

I'm about me and only me like I was before. No more friendly shit with people. I'm just gone graduate with honors and move away for school. I'm gonna live the secluded life my younger sled always wanted.

I made a promise to myself that if I let myself live past that dark place in my life that I would love away and never look back. If I didn't kill myself I was gonna go to college and never talk to any of these people again. I plan to do that. I want shit for myself that the people here can't give me.

I want to be a world known veterinarian with at least two of my own practices. I want a Vet on Wheels that will help animals in impoverished neighborhoods where people can't afford their care. I want a doggy day care and volunteer shelter. I want a line of animal clothes and accessories. I want to go to Africa and meet the animals. I want to find ways to reserve more land for species that are suffering because of deforestation. I want to swim in the ocean with sharks and dolphins. I want to see a real great white shark. I want to hug a walrus because I fucking love walruses. I want to be proposed to with an elephant. I want to ride a horse again and own some of my own. I want a fucking ranch and a small zoo in Canada. I want to set up a great legacy for my kids like Steve Irwin. I want to breed the snake Maddie has been wanting for years and give it to her with a reptile room completely set up. I want to deliver a baby rhino and cow calf. I want a fall wedding or a simple trip to the court I really don't give a damn. I want to buy my grandma a new car. I want two kids three max. A girl then a boy. I pray for twins cuz I'm not down for being pregnant more than once. Adoption has always been an option for me because a lot of wonderful kids don't have families, so why not save space on earth and just give one of them a home. I want to go to Paris and Italy and England and South Korea and Japan and Hawaii. I want to die and be addressed as "Dr" at my funeral. I want to be cremated and my ashes put really any damn where just don't stuck me in an ugly ass vase or some shit and stuff me in the back of a closet. I want to try a polygamist relationship at least once with no bullshit. I want my people to be set so that if I'm gone earlier than expected I know they'll be fine without me.

I want a lot of shit, but I don't want it with any of the bitches I'm dealing with now. And that's just that.

No ifs no ands no buts.

Everybody is at risk of getting cut off as of late.