Again

Chapter 23

Shailene
I cry for a long time. I cry and cry and cry. I hear my parents out in the hall. That adds to my mood.
"How dare you come here!? After what you did!" My mom nearly shouts.
"You're the one that left!" Dad's gruff voice says.
"Yes. I did leave. But you're the reason I left. Because you couldn't pull yourself together, for our family!" They're walking away. Their voices slowly fade.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." I don't catch the rest of the sentence.
Theo hates me. And there's nothing I can do about it.

"Yeah, I think Shai and I have a certain connection. Like, I'll be in my room and I can just sense that she's watching tv and eating pizza." The interviewer laughs. I do too, but it's forced and fake. "Yeah, and then he comes to my room and eats the pizza." I say. They laugh and I can tell Theo's laugh is also forced. The interviewer thanks us for being here and the cameras cut. Theo's smile drops instantly. And he stalks off without a word. I battle tears as I walk to my car. As I've done almost every day this week. The doctors said I was all clear. Just to watch out for fuzziness or memory loss. I drive to the grocery store and pick up some Ben and Jerry's. If there's ever a time to break my eating routine, it's now. Insurgent premieres tomorrow and I have to act like everything is peachy between Theo and I. My night is restless and uneasy. I wake up with dark eye circles. When my crew shows up, I put on a bright smile. I answer their questions politely and easily. Yes, I am excited. No, I haven't talked to Theo. Yes, I'm nervous. Yes, I love the dress. A few hours later, I take a look in the mirror. And gasp. Silver and white shimmers off my eyelids. My black eyeliner does not have a single smudge. And the dress. It is a brilliant silver with a long slit running up my leg. There are ruffles from the hip down and sequins all over my chest. It's breath taking.
"Ah, so you like it?" The make up artist, Anna, asks. I nod, my jaw still on the floor. I tell them thank you repeatedly as they go out the door. Then I drop my act. If I wasn't afraid of ruining my make up, I would be balling right now. I don't know how I'm going to face him.

The premiere is being held in L.A tonight. So then after it's over I can crawl right into bed and sleep. The limo ride is excruciating. Theo is staring out the window and hasn't even breathed a hello.
"You need to stop being such a baby." I spit. I'm so annoyed with his shit.
"Pfft." Is all he says.
"Is that all you're going to say? What about when we have to film? Are you still going to be mad?" I cross my arms and glare at him. He explodes.
"Are you saying I don't have a right to be mad? After what you did? Are you kidding me? I AM DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER NOT TO WALK OFF SET AND OFF THIS MOVIE, BECAUSE OF YOU! The power you have over me...it's-it's antagonizing! I can't go one minute without thinking about you. I come to work, oh! There you are! I go home, memories of you! I go to sleep, oh! Dreams about you!" He waves his arms dramatically. My blood boils.
"Yeah? And what about me?! You're all I ever think about! I love you, and I can't be with you because of some sycho ex-girlfriend of yours! Do you have any idea how hard it was to say those things!? I've spent months thinking about how I should have said them or how I can make things better! But I can't! I can't make things better, Theodore. And you know it. You know I feel guilty, so why do you have to rub it in my face all the time?" I stare at him. He looks out the window again.
"Because it means I have power over you, Shailene." His voice is strained. I slump against the seat.
"I hate you." I say. He puts his head in his hands.
"No you don't."

We arrive at the cinema and as soon as we step out of the limo, we are all smiles. We sign autographs. We pose. Nothing is wrong. His arm is around my waist. We hold hands. He kisses my cheek. But the tension could be cut with a knife. In the movie theatre, we sit down and I lean as far away from him as possible. At the kissing scene, I go tense as Theo leans over to whisper in my ear, "you were really good in that scene,". But there is no emotion in his comment, or his face. I notice he says it in an australian accent, my favourite. That is in the back of my mind the entire movie. It's probably nothing. I tell myself. But the sliver of hope is all I have. So I grab it and hold it close to my heart.

We are totally silent on the way home. When I open the door to get Theo's hand on my arm stops me. I stare at him, waiting for him to say something.
"I'm not angry with you anymore, Shailene. But acting aggressive is the only way to stop from breaking down." His voice is strained.
"Do whatever you need to do. But I'm done." I rip my arm away from him and get out. I hunch against the cold and walk to my house. When I look back, he's gone. Like he was never there.

(A/N) I actually love writing fight scene it's so fun. Oops. DID UR HEART JUST BREAK TWICE MAN BETWEEN THIS CHAPTER AND THE LAST ONE IM GOING TO CRY.