Again

Chapter 8

Theo
Why? Why? Why? Why am I such an asshole? Shai said she hates me. Hopefully, she was just mad and didn't mean it. I really hope she didn't mean it. I love her, so much. I was just, frustrated. I can't hold her, as my girlfriend. I can hold her as my friend. My friend! I'm afraid I can't do it anymore. I want her so badly. But what if she never lets us happen? What if she never lets me tell her what I feel? What if she never tells me her feelings?! What if she doesn't have any? Oh, god. That would tear me apart. No, no. She likes me. She wouldn't use me like that. Hopefully. Oh, I really hope so. I lay on my bed, trying to fall asleep. It's not working. I feel awful. Leaving Shai like that. Maybe she dose hate me. I sure do.

----

The next morning I wake up feeling even worse. I should have talked to her. I should have begged her for mercy. I should have asked her to marry me. But did I? No. I tossed and turned all night and I want to go to her. But I'm proud and stupid and still an asshole and I won't. Maybe she left. She won't even be in her hotel room. Probably. Maybe. No. She'll be there. She hates going out if there are papps unless she has too. She's probably watching Netflix. And doing nothing in leggings and a sweater. I sigh to myself. I should talk to her. No, I'm going to talk to her. I roll out of bed and hop in the shower. I want to look good. Maybe if I look hot, she'll forgive me easier. I really don't know why I'm apologizing. I mean, I didn't wanna push her! Is that so bad? I guess it just hurt her feelings. I understand that. I get out of the shower and throw on some dark washed jeans and a band t-shirt. I look in the mirror. My hair is a mess. I grab a comb and quickly brush it. I rub some jell into it and give it a little styling. When it's in the perfect position, I grab my jacket and head out the door. As I walk down the hallway, I rehearse what I'm going to say in my head. When I reach her door, I just stand there for a few moments. I don't want to say the wrong thing and make it worse. I take a deep breath and knock.

"Who is it?" Comes Shai's small voice.

"Someone who wants to say he's sorry," I say, hopefully making her smile.

"Maybe I'm someone who doesn't wanna hear it," I was afraid of this.

"Please Shai, I want to apologize," I lean against the door. I knew this would happen. I should have come over last night. Suddenly, the door swings open. Shai stands there in just a oversized t-shirt. I wonder if she's wearing any underwear...

"What?" She says. The stuff I rehearsed is completely gone from my mind.

"Uh, uh. Uh. Uh. Erm," I cough. Shai shows no sign of softening up.

"Spit it out, already." She barks.

"I'm sorry for, uh, leaving you last night. I...didn't want to push you or anything. And I know that sounds stupid but, I wanted to give you space...or I thought..." I sigh. Shai's face looks understanding now. Hopefully she'll forgive me.

"You thought what?" She says quietly.

"If I didn't give you space, I thought you'd push me out completely." I push a hand through my hair, nervously.

"I may not want us to be together right now...but I like you a lot. Don't ever worry about me pushing you away. It may seem like I am...but I promise, I won't. Ever," she smiles brightly at me. Relief rushes through my veins and heart and brain. She forgives me. I step towards her and throw my arms around her.
"So, we good?" I ask pulling back a little. She nods.

"I guess," she sighs, mockingly. I roll my eyes and laugh.

"I missed you last night, you know," I say, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not used to no one sleeping beside me," I sigh, slightly.
"Me too. I like sleeping with you," she sighs as well. She wraps her arms around me once more, and I swear, it's the best feeling in the world.
The rest of the day we eat junk, watch comedy's, and cuddle. I pretend like she's my girlfriend. And that when we cuddle, it's because we're together. But then I realize we're not together, and may never be.
----
"Shai! Open up! It's Miles!" A shout comes from behind the door. I jerk awake.
"Ugh, what time is it?" Shai's groggy morning voice says into my ear.
"I don't know, it feels like it's the middle of the night." I drag a hand down my face and groan.
"Miles! What are you doing here?!" Shai calls to the door.
"I wanna take you to breakfast!" He answers banging on the door again.
"I really don't feel that good Miles...maybe tomorrow?" She asks in a bewildered voice.
"Are you sure?" He asks, obviously disappointed.
"Yeah, I'm sorry!" She says. I wonder why she wouldn't go?
"It's okay! I'll see you later," I hear his footsteps walk down the hall and fade away.
"Why wouldn't you go? You should get out!" I nudge her arm.
"Because I want to spend the day with you," she nudges me back, only with her foot.
"Oh, well then. I have a few ideas of what we could do..." I run a hand down her bare leg. Her breath hitches. I grin. I think she's getting weaker against my temptations.
"Do you now?" She asks. I slowly climb on top of her.
"Mm-hmm," I murmur in her ear. Her hips are already moving against me.
"Theo..." She breathes. I love her moan. It's so sexy. I get warm just thinking about it. Her hands graze my back, sending shivers through my spine. I move my hips faster. We each only have underwear, separating us. I kiss her, hard. I kiss her with so much passion, I'm sure she feels it too. She kisses back, possibly just as hard as I am. She moans into my mouth. I move my hands from her stomach to her panties. I gently rub the soft fabric. Her hips move faster and harder. I'm surprised she hasn't stopped me yet. She never takes it this far. I want to continue...but again, I don't want to push her.
"Shai, I think we should stop." I stop rubbing her and look into her eyes.
"Your probably right...finish with a kiss?" She asks sweetly. I chuckle and lean down to give her another kiss. In one swift move, she pins me to the bed, her on top.
"Hmm well played." I purr. She smiles, proud of herself.
"Okay, now we can stop." She hops off and walks into the bathroom. She smirks at me before closing the door.
"Tease!" I shout. I laugh as I get comfortable on the bed.
"You know it!" She yells back. I think I should ask her out. Maybe if I catch her by surprise...it'll trick her into saying yes. I mean, I don't want to trick her but I have to do something. I'll ask her as soon as she comes out.