We all have our masks [Twenty One Pilots]

Chapter Twenty Nine: Her

She'd never been into Tyler's room. She'd been living in the boys' house for two whole weeks (and she and Tyler even had a few make out sessions), but she had never been into his room. She had never even seen the door to his room; she'd never dared to go past her own bedroom in the quiet hallway. To be honest, the place behind this door scared her a little. It was his personal space, after all, like a part of his mind hidden behind a wooden wall.

That's why Lena was now standing there in the hallway, her hand on the doorknob, hesitating. She shouldn't, though. Tyler himself had asked her to go pick his wallet that he probably had forgotten "on the bed or somewhere". They were going out tonight for their first official date, and Lena was kind of nervous, especially because they had decided to keep this a secret from everybody else for the time being. Not that they wanted to hide their newfound relationship. They just didn't feel like sharing it yet. They wanted it to be theirs only, at least for a while.

Grasping the doorknob tighter to prevent her hands from shaking, Lena finally pushed the door open and penetrated into the room. For a brief moment, she felt like entering a secret den, Tyler's maze-like mind. But as the sunset light piercing through the curtains illuminated the furniture, she realized it was just like any other twenty something's bedroom. Except for the few notebooks scattered on the desk, the place was surprisingly clean and tidy.

Scanning the room, she focused on the bed, which was so neatly made that Lena probably would have been able to spot a single needle lost on the dark blue comforter. One thing was certain: Tyler's wallet wasn't there.

Taking a few steps forward, Lena approached the desk, letting her eyes wander on the decorated walls, where pictures were hanging out with concert tickets, drawings and even small poems. Curiosity taking over, she casually let herself look at the pictures. Tyler seemed to have a really strong relationship with his family: more than half of the shots were depicting him with Maddy, Zack, another boy who Lena guessed was Jay, his younger brother, and their parents. There were also a few pictures of the guys living there, and Lena just couldn't help smiling bright at their goofy faces.

Lena quickly checked the flat surface of the desk and was about to head out - definitely no wallet here - when another picture caught her eyes. At first glance, she had thought it was Maddy, Tyler's sister. But on second look, she realized her mistake. Her heart skipped a beat, and intrigued, she looked closer.

"Nevermind," Tyler's voice interrupted, "found it stuck between the couch cush-"

Lena jumped, surprised, and her heart was now racing, beating so hard inside her chest it almost hurt. Quickly, she forced a smile. She surely didn't want him to think she was already snooping around.

"You okay?" Tyler asked, visibly concerned.

Lena nodded, maybe a little too vividly for it to be honest. "Yeah yeah, I was just..." she started, pointing to the pictures on the wall, "Looking at these shots, they're great!"

She took a few steps towards Tyler, hoping that he wouldn't possibly remember that one picture that was hanging there, a picture of a beautiful blond girl with dark eyes, a girl that he had loved and probably still loved to this day.

"So, you found the wallet in between the cushions?" she asked, willing to change the subject. "Could you be more cliché?" she rolled her eyes with exaggeration, finally reaching him to take his hand. He smiled, this cute little crooked smile that always made her heart flutter like a prepubescent girl, and Lena let out a mental breath of relief. Maybe he hadn't noticed.

But relief lasted no longer than a few minutes, and on the drive to the restaurant - Tyler had insisted on going to a fancy one on the other side of town - Lena couldn't help but dwell on that situation, and especially on that conversation she had, yet again, overheard a few days before.

She had just woken up and was heading to the kitchen to eat breakfast when she heard Tyler's voice. Of course, she knew it was a bad idea to stop and listen; it had proven to create useless drama already, and she certainly didn't want to argue with him over misunderstandings again. But curiosity always had a way of creeping into her body to take charge, and without even noticing that was she was doing was wrong, Lena had stopped behind the door frame, invisible to Tyler's sight.

"I don't know man, it's just... Sometimes I really see her. Like, when she looks at me from a certain angle, or when she burst out laughing. And when I squint my eyes, and my eyelashes make it look a little not right, she's just... I see her dude. I see Leah."

In that moment, Lena really thought her heart had just stopped beating, and it took her a few seconds to realize she had just stopped breathing, like she'd been punched in the stomach. That's when she had decided to let herself known and break apart the conversation, faking it.

In the car, Lena slightly shook her head to get rid of the constant reminiscing that maybe, just maybe, she would never be good enough. She told herself that didn't mean anything, except that she did, indeed, look a lot like Tyler's Leah. It was undeniable, even she had to admit it. But did that mean Tyler would only try to see in her what he had found in Leah?

Lost in thoughts, Lena jumped when Tyler's hand reached hers on her thigh, pressing her fingers gently. She looked at him, and his brows were furrowed. Focusing on the road, he quickly glanced at her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, mimicking the question he had already asked only a few minutes earlier.

Lena smiled, effortlessly this time, because Tyler was just so caring and cute and she didn't want him to know that she felt like the third wheel of a carriage that only had two.

And she tried. She tried to have a good time, to enjoy the fancy restaurant and the nice food and Tyler's hand occasionnally grabbing hers, his callous fingers stroking her skin. She tried. But everytime her eyes met his, she saw her too. She saw Leah. And for the third time that night, he asked the question again.

"Lena, are you okay? Honestly?" His fingers pressed her hand, inviting her to spill her guts. "You seem so far out..."

Nervous, Lena freed her hand from Tyler's grip and took a sip from her drink like that would magically make the awkward situation disappear. But she knew she couldn't keep omitting the truth for much longer.

"Tyler, I..." she started, putting her now empty glass on the table, "I don't know, I'm just... confused, I guess."

There was a moment of silence, and instinctively, Tyler's hand reached out to hers again. "About me? About us? Are you... Are you annoyed that we're keeping this a secret? Because if it's that, I'm totally down to come out..."

Lena smiled, the sad type of smile. Tyler was such an angel. So, instead of the true truth, she gave him a slightly different version.

"No, Tyler, I'm okay with that. I mean, if you're willing to talk about it, then I'm up for it too."

At these words, Tyler's smile went up on his cheeks. "Great. So, what is it then?"

Lena sighed. "I miss Tommy. I guess I'm just a little bit homesick, that's it."

For a brief second, Tyler looked kind of relieved, but Lena didn't have time to wonder why. She had just lied to his face, and she felt horrible.

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I swear sometimes procrastination gets the best of me. I'm doing my best though. Hope you're still digging this.