We all have our masks [Twenty One Pilots]

Chapter Seventeen: Ichthus

"Do you even know how to set up a tent, guys?"

Lena was sitting in the back of the van. The back doors were open and she was rocking her legs over the edge like a kid, watching the boys do what they claimed they were good at. But they had started setting up at least an hour ago, and the thing that stood on the floor was far from looking like a tent. 

"Sure we do. If only this guy wasn't making me nervous with his darn camera - oh stop it Mark!" Tyler shouted, trying to block Mark's view, all the while holding up a few pegs like they were items coming from another planet. 

"Hey I'm just doing my job here. Do yours." Mark protested, still filming at weird angles, pretending he was the next Spielberg. 

"My job isn't pitching tents!" Tyler replied, crouching down to push the peg into the ground. "Especially not at 1 am. That's supposed to go there, right?" He asked, expecting confirmation from his friends. For only answer, Lena's laugh resonated in the prairie. Hopefully, despite the late hour of the night, they weren't the only ones still awake. Black silhouettes were going back and forth through the tents, laughs could be heard from pretty much all around, and music was still blasting from the Ichthus Festival grounds nearby - where the band had played earlier.

Still smiling at the boys attempt to build them a roof for the night, Lena crossed her legs. Ever since the tour started, she had felt slightly better. One thing was for sure, she hadn't laughed that hard for a very long time, and her belly aching almost felt like a relief. She hadn't had a second to think of whatever brought her down; whether it was Jey or the friends she had left behind in France, or Uncle Rick and her cousin Hannah. None of these had gone through her mind, and Lena felt like she was free. She knew perfectly that she wasn't, not for good. But here, under the moonlight, surrounded by music and smiles, she was. And she wanted to focus on that for a while. 

She hadn't properly spoken to Tyler ever since his panic attack on the hotel roof, mainly because she didn't know what to say. A part of her wanted to understand what triggered the crisis, like her life depended on it. But she didn't want to make Tyler feel uncomfortable by asking questions, and she most certainly was afraid she would trigger him back to that desperate state. She never wanted to see him again like that.  

"Now, that's a tent!" Josh exclaimed, throwing his fist into the air in satisfaction, waking Lena from her thoughts. She got up and helped with their luggages and... sleeping bags.

"Guys. I don't have a sleeping bag!" she said, horrified. The day had been hot, but she wasn't so sure that the Kentucky nights would be as warm as the days. "I'm sorry, I didn't... I wasn't aware we'd be camping and..."

"Hey..." Josh put a warm hand on her shoulder, instantly calming Lena's anxiety with his friendly smile. "That's okay... Tyler will just take all the comforter we have and give you his. Right?" He added maliciously, looking towards his bandmate. Tyler raised one eyebrow.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really." Lena replied back. Feeling more confident about herself, Lena has understood, as days passed, that she must not take Tyler's somewhat cold attitudes personnally, so instead of feeling sorry for herself, she had learned to took matters in her own hands. And that meant trying to be sassy when he was being grumpy. "Thanks Tyler!" she added, grinning. 

Half an hour later, the four of them were packed in the tent, half of them already asleep. Lena was exhausted, and she had closed her eyes to try and fall asleep, but she simply couldn't, knowing that Tyler was shivering at her sides and that it was, although partly, her fault. Slowly, she turned on her side to watch him. The light of the moon was pale, but she could still make out his features. His eyebrows. His long eyelashes batting nervously. His lips, usually so colorful, almost blue in the dark. He probably felt Lena's gaze on him, because he suddenly turned his head towards her and smiled. His crooked little teeth. 

"I'm sorry Tyler..." Lena mouthed silently. He shrugged, but his lips were still shaking. He couldn't spend the night like this. "Do you... We could easily fit the two of us in this sleeping bag."

Tyler's eyes widened for a few seconds, surprised. He raised an eyebrow again, clearly thinking of the possibility. "I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable..." he whispered, obviously still hesitating. Lena couldn't help but laugh a little. 

"What's the matter, Tyler Joseph? Chicken?"

His eyebrows shot up again. He looked like he was holding a smile, but Lena wouldn't bet on that.

"Nobody. Calls me. Chicken." he replied, very seriously all of a sudden.

"Oh my god. Tell me you did not just quote Back to the Future." Lena chuckled loudly.

"I did. Do you have a problem with that, princess?" he asked, half-smiling, and Lena couldn't help but blush. She hoped he wouldn't notice it in the dark. She shook her head slightly.

"So... Are you coming or not?" she asked, faking impatience. She was looking right into his eyes, and it seemed to her it was the first time he was doing the same thing. Lena didn't know what it was that made his dark brown gaze so hard to maintain, but she flinched and looked away after a few seconds, her heart racing for no obvious reason. Finally, Tyler made his decision and pushed down the covers. 

Entering the sleeping bag wasn't as easy as it first seemed, but after some sliding and forcing and a few hysterical laughs, they were finally settled. His skin, usually so warm, felt icy on Lena's side, but he would soon heat up. They were so squeezed together that none of them were able to move and their position - flat on their backs - made the whole thing really uncomfortable. After a few silence and a look at each other, they started laughing again nervously, so much that some tears overflowed Lena's eyelashes. 

"We could... uhm, you could maybe come into my arms, maybe we'd be more at ease like that" Tyler said hesitantly, still holding back a laugh.

"Ooh, someone wants to snuggle!" Lena replied, trying to wipe the tears away while others continued to flow. 

"What's wrong, princess? Chicken?" he asked. And Lena knew what he was doing. He was challenging her, the same way she challenged him a few minutes earlier. And she also knew she couldn't chicken out right now. But it wasn't really a problem. So, as Tyler stretched out his arm, she snuggled, leaning her head on his chest. 

They both went silent for a few minutes and Lena focused on the beating of his heart. Maybe it was just because her ear was stuck against his sweater, but it was incredibly loud, like it was screaming things that could only be heard from that close. The thing with Tyler was that he didn't seem to let anyone that close so he couldn't be heard. 

"About last night..." Tyler's voice startled Lena. His breathing was so steady, she thought he had fallen asleep. Her own heart started racing again. She moved slightly to adjust her position, knowing very well that she couldn't look up at Tyler even if she wanted to. But maybe it was best for him. "It happens to me sometimes. Almost randomly. I'm sorry if it scared you..." he continued. 

"Hey. Never apologize for having feelings." she replied instantly, remembering Tyler's own words. Silence fell again, and Lena hoped he would continue his story. But he was randomly playing with a streak of her long blonde hair - sending shivers down her spine at the same time - and didn't seem like he would go on pretty soon. Lena took it as an invitation, praying he wouldn't feel trapped by her question.

"Do you know what causes this?" she asked, her voice as low as a whisper. She felt him take a big breath before he finally spoke again. 

"Yeah. I uhm... As much as I try not to think about it a lot, I... A year ago, that day, I had lost a friend. A very good friend. To suicide." His voice broke a little, and Lena wasn't so sure anymore that she wanted to look him in the eye right now. She didn't know if she could bear the pain in his eyes. Because the pain in his voice was already too much to handle. But she was hearing it. She was hearing him.

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Some revelations! Some of this chapter was inspired by a few episodes of the Regional at Best webseries - if you haven't watched that yet, I strongly suggest you do it soon. I hope you still like this story. Thank you for your comments, I hope you know they really warm my heart!