We all have our masks [Twenty One Pilots]

Chapter Thirty: Bang

Lena found herself once again at Tyler's door. It was only the second time ever, but the atmosphere had changed. Even with the door closed, she could feel the tension slipping through her own body like waves of humid air that almost made it impossible to breathe.

She raised her fist slowly, not ready to knock just yet. But the feeling in her guts hadn't disappeared, and she knew she had to have that conversation with Tyler. It was now or never. As much as it still felt a little weird to call him that, he was her boyfriend after all. He needed to hear the truth. He deserved it, more than anyone else.

The memories of the night before crept up inside her head, just to remind her why she just had to do that.

They were sitting on the trampoline. It had become quite a favorite place for them, and they often found themselves having deep meaningful conversations over there. It was like the night sky allowed them to be truthful to one another, or at least more than in any other place.

Lena was still feeling insecure about the whole Leah thing. She wasn't ready to fight with a dead person over a boy, and even though her death happened a while ago, she was pretty sure Tyler still had feelings for her. And how could he not? From what she had heard, both from Tyler and from the other boys in the house, Leah had basically saved him from dark times.

Secretly, Lena couldn't help but dislike the girl. Not only because she used to be for Tyler what Lena herself wanted to be, but because Lena had a very strong and probably biased opinion on people who committed suicide. There was no denying that this feeling came from her daddy issues - she still saw his limp body hanging from the willow tree in the backyard at night - but she had made up her mind: those people were cowards.

As much as Lena's father had left just as they were going through difficult times, Leah had given Tyler hope and happiness just to rip him apart. And that was not okay. Definitely not.

Closing her eyes, Lena tried to convince herself that she wasn't kind of doing the same, and with her heart beating fast, she knocked. She heard light footsteps on the carpet, and in a few seconds, the door was opened. Tyler's eyebrows shot up when he saw her.

"Hey, are you okay?" he started, and before she could reassure him, he continued, visibly anxious, "It's pretty late, why aren't you asleep yet?"

Lena realized she hadn't even checked the time before deciding to leave her bed to talk to him. Nervously, she scratched the back of her head. "I'm okay, I just wanted to talk to you. Did I wake you up?"

At Tyler's snort, Lena understood the dumbness of her question and forced a smile. Obviously Tyler was a night person. With a small hand gesture, he let her in. His bed was still made, although the covers were a little shifted, sign that he had sat or lain there for a while. Near the pillow, a little black notebook was open; notebook that Tyler quickly closed and set on the nightstand before sitting down next to her.

As Lena didn't know where to begin, Tyler gently took her hand and intertwined their fingers together, raising an eyebrow just to show her that he was all ears.

"Um..." Lena started, suddenly more anxious of his reaction that she had ever been. "Maybe you've noticed I've been acting a little weird lately?"

Tyler sighed. Obviously, he had noticed. How could he not, when all she did was hide away from him as soon as she had the chance? After their first date, during which she had been awkward all along to the point where she had lied to him, she'd been nothing but distant and she wondered how he hadn't confronted her about it yet.

"I have," he nodded, "but I didn't really want to push you. I trust you, Lena. I thought you'd come to me when you felt ready and well..." He raised a hand and crooked a smile, proof that he had been right. Then, he slipped an arm around her shoulders. "What's going on princess?" he whispered in her ear, his hot breath tickling her neck.

Lena couldn't help but smile in return, burying her nose in the crook of his neck. This felt right, yet she just couldn't accept it. She just couldn't...

"I can't stay, Tyler."

Lena felt Tyler's body stiffen at her words, and she mentally punched herself in the stomach. That was definitely not how she had planned to tell him. She closed her eyes, tears threatening to fall down, and pecked his skin lightly. Once. Then twice. Until he removed her slowly.

Tyler often had his brows furrowed, because he was always thinking of God knows what. But this time, his pupils were questioning, moving rapidly to each of Lena's eyes, like he was trying to decipher the joke. Except there was no joke.

"What do you mean, you can't stay?" he asked, his voice still soft but a little colder. "What's wrong?"

Lena sighed. Her stomach was burning with lies and excuses, and she almost felt like throwing them all up on the carpet for Tyler to see. 

"Tyler, I..." she started, unsure of what poor excuse would come up first, "There's people who need me back there. There's a little brother I need to take care of. People I need to make amends to. Fleeing like I did was just a way for me to avoid my responsibilities but I can't do that anymore. I need to face up and..."

"I have a feeling," Tyler cut her off, "that you're not being totally honest with me here. Am I wrong?"

If silent was a person, it would have choked Lena to death. She looked away, unable to sustain Tyler's serious gaze. He could read in her so well that it almost scared her. The kind of fear that sends adrenaline rushing through your body and that made you feel so good if you ended up overcoming it. Lena flinched when Tyler's hand reached her shin, gently forcing her head up. When she did, Tyler's eyes were pleading for honesty. Unable to resist him, she took a deep breath.

"I've seen her. On your wall." she started, her voice no higher than a whisper. "Leah, I mean. She does look like me. Or I look like her, I don't know."

Tyler stayed silent but withdrew his hand from her face. Lena's stomach churned.

"And I've heard you talk about her, Tyler," Lena continued, unable to stop the flow of words pouring out of her mouth now, "It's obvious that you're still in love with her, that you're not over her and I..." She hesitated. But the urge was too strong, and Tyler had asked for honesty. "I don't want to be her ghost. I'm not her, Tyler, and I feel like you-"

"Don't make this about me."

Tyler had stood up and seemed perfectly calm from the outside, if it weren't for his eyes now darker than the darkest of nights. Lena could almost see thunders and storms behind his pupils. Slowly, he reached the door and opened it. 

Confused, Lena got up and took a few steps towards him. "Tyler, it's okay, I understand that you-"

"I said, don't make this about me." he cut her off once again, his voice stronger and louder. He put his hands in his pockets, still holding the bedroom door with his foot, and Lena guessed they were shaking. "You feel threatened by a dead person, Lena. I'm not the one who's having a problem here."

The words hit her like a punch in the face. Lena could almost feel the blood drippling from her nose, and she swore she could taste metal in her mouth. Tyler's face was impassive, emotionless, and Lena could hardly believe he could be so harsh. Biting her lower lip, she tried to gulp back the tears in her eyes. Her body was frozen.

"You wanna go, go. I'm sure you have plenty of reasons to go back. But don't make it look like I'm the one at fault."

Tyler looked away this time, visibly waiting for her to leave the room. Lena stood there for a few seconds, unable to find words that would make this all okay. As much as she tried, her mind-dictionary was now blank. She doubted words could erase that conversation, anyway. So, powerless, her legs as heavy as lead, she left the room.

The door closed behind her with a bang.

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Only three more chapters after this one.