We all have our masks [Twenty One Pilots]

Chapter Thirty Two: Tyler's journal entry III

Leah.

Lena.

Even your names look alike.

Why is it so? Why did God put you both on my way? And why did He make you so similar? Is it an experiment? Is it some kind of sick test that He is making me go through just to see how far my faith goes? Just to see if I could love another girl - although almost identical - as much as I love you?

Faith hurts. Love hurts. I hurt.

Hopefully, you don't hurt anymore. Because you're dead. You're dead.

Do I want you back?

Would you have asked me this a few months before, I would have said yes. I would have screamed yes. I would have gone through thick and thin to get you back here with me. I would have fought. I would have bled. I would have died.

I finally know, now, that this is impossible. You don't belong here anymore. You've made your choice. A hurtful one, indeed, but a choice nonetheless. And I don't blame you. Never have, never will. But you're gone. And I could never, ever get you back.

For some twisted reason, I think I never really fathomed that idea until she came into the picture.

Leah, I wish I knew you were still there, somehow, watching over me. Are you? If you are, please, understand. I love you i love you i love you and I think I'll never stop. I'll never forget. You were my first love, and I've loved you with every inch of my awkward body. You will always have a special place in my heart and mind. But...

I think it's finally time for me to move on. You disappeared, and there's nothing I could do that would bring you back.

But she... She is there.

And here I am, letting her go. But maybe if I tried I could

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No, there's no words missing. It just stops there.

This is really short because there's no way I could have made it longer. But next (and last?) chapter will be longer, I promise.

I'm really scared to write it, so it might take a little longer though. I hope I'll be able to end it right.