We all have our masks [Twenty One Pilots]

Chapter Sixteen: Pinky promise

The air was pretty chill, and the wind blowing through her hair made Lena regret not using the blow-dryer, earlier. But she never liked blow-dryers anyway. In her opinion, there was something weird about using electricity to create a warm breeze for the only purpose of drying one's hair, while it could be done naturally. Even though that meant freezing her head off, Lena would always choose the more natural solution. 

With precaution, she approached the edge of the rooftop. As much as she didn't like heights, she always found something deep and beautiful, watching the world from so high. People, down there, seemed like tiny ants working to keep the anthill afloat. And she, on the other hand, watching from above, felt like she had paused her life, if only for a few minutes. 

Scanning the view, and the thousands of little lights of the city, Lena let her mind wander back to Tyler. When she had got out of the bathroom, earlier, she had expected him to still be there, probably asleep in a weird position in front of the tv. But he had disappeared. She felt a little disappointed, but figured he had just gone into Josh and Mark's room. He was still a bit uncomfortable around her, even though there was no obvious reason, and that thought bugged her more than she wanted to admit it. 

Leaning against the corner of the tiny wall preventing her from falling down the building, Lena was about to try and decipher Tyler's latest behaviour when she heard footsteps making their way to the other side of the rooftop. The black silhouette almost running towards the edge couldn't see her, but she could definitely see him. 

She recognized him right away. Tyler was shaking, and not because it was cold outside. Under his hood, Lena could see a blurry half of his twitching face. His hands were going crazy, his fingers dancing nervously, twisting a strand of hair before letting go to scratch his cheek or grab the back of his neck. And in the silence of the night, through the breath of the wind, Lena's ears caught his sound. 

Heavy breathing. Almost imperceptible whispering. Whining. Sighing. Crying? Lena wasn't sure, but she felt the need to step up when Tyler angrily hit the wall with his foot. She knew the symptoms. He was having a panic attack. And he was alone, on the edge of a rooftop. He would probably hate her for even witnessing him so weak, but she couldn't just leave him like that. He needed someone. 

"Tyler?"

She was now only a few feet away from him, and she knew he had heard her because he flinched a little at the sound of her voice. But he didn't move, keeping his eyes focused on the horizon. His lips were moving, but his voice was inaudible. His hands had stopped their furious dance. They were now clasped so hard, their joints were whitening. 

"Tyler, are you..."

But Lena paused, preventing the words to flow out from her mouth, when she realized what he was doing. He had now closed his eyes, and his lips were moving faster. She still couldn't hear anything, but she knew. She knew he was praying. So, instead of interrupting him again, she just stood there, at his sides, ultimately putting a hand on his back to let him know he wasn't alone. 

He was still whispering words to God, and Lena realized she knew nothing about him. He must have had some secrets, because you clearly don't have panic attacks without a story. And she wanted to know his story. She wanted to help him, just like he had helped her once, by just laying his hand on her shoulder at a barbecue party. 

"I can't..."

This time, the words coming from his mouth were perfectly audible and made Lena jump. She didn't expect him to actually speak to her. Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was just speaking out loud because the words were too noisy in his own head? And what could she say to that, anyway? Lena had never been a good friend. She didn't know the rules. She forced her brain to work faster, to find something to say that would at least soothe him for a few minutes, but before she had time to think of anything good enough, Tyler had fallen onto his knees, his hands twitching again. He was losing it. 

As whispers turned into cries of agony, Lena dropped to the ground, her heart shattering at every sound he made. She had no idea what had triggered this, and she knew even less how to heal him, so she did the only thing that brought her comfort whenever she felt down. She hugged him. She hugged him tight, caressing his hair, rocking him like a small child. For a few second, his whole body tensed, but he ultimately let go of his apprehensions and dived into the embrace. 

They stayed in this position for what felt like years before Tyler started to whisper again. He wasn't praying anymore, but Lena still didn't know if he was actually speaking to her, or to himself. 

"I'm on the ground, but I just feel like I'm falling constantly. It never stops. My heart still rushes whenever I think of..."

He didn't finish his sentence, and Lena hold back the question that almost fell through her lips. Think of what? She was dying to know, but she didn't want to force it out of him. And even though she would have given anything to know what made this man so sad, she decided to wait until he was ready to speak. 

"I keep falling, Lena. And I don't know how to stop. I don't want to fall anymore I just wanna breathe and smile without feeling guilty but how do you do that I just don't know and I keep falling faster and further and..."

His words were accelerating, just like his breathing, and Lena hugged him a little tighter. 

"Shhh, that's okay... Just... Hold on to me, ok? You... You'll stop falling eventually. Please, hold on."

Tyler nodded slightly, leaning his head on Lena's shoulder. She felt a tear drop on her skin, and suddenly, she didn't know if it was his or hers. After another endless silence, she realized he was shaking. She was getting cold, too. 

"Tyler?"

"Mh?" His head raised a little.

"What do you say we go back to our room, now?" She spoke lightly, with precaution. She would stay, if he didn't want to move right away. But without uttering a word, he got up and held out his hand. Lena tried not to smile when she took it. When they finally reached the warmth of the room, Tyler immediately went into the bathroom to change. 

Still shaking from what had just happened, Lena sat down on the bed, sighing. A thousand questions were obscuring her thoughts. What was he referring to? What made him feel so hopeless and sad? Suddenly, Lena felt guilty. For the last few days, she had hoped for something to happen that would bring them closer, that would disclose just a little bit of his mysterious thoughts. Little did she know her wish would spark such a reaction. At least, now she was sure they had something in common: she wasn't the only one hiding secrets.

Yawning, she decided it was enough thinking for today. Slowly, she slid under the covers while checking her phone. She had one new text message from Josh, asking if Tyler was with her. She quickly reassured him, and by the time she hit the send button, Tyler had joined her. His face was a little puffy and red, but he forced a smile before turning off the lights. They didn't speak for a while and Lena thought he had finally fallen asleep when he cleared his throat. 

"Thank you, Lena"

She smiled, hoping he wouldn't see it in the darkness of the room. 

"It's okay." She fell silent for a few more seconds, hesitating. "Just... If you ever feel like you're falling too fast for your own good, promise me you will..." 

"I'll be holding on to you, right?" He interrupted, and Lena swore she could have seen him wink. "I promise."

"Pinky promise?" Lena held out her pinky finger towards Tyler, and under the moonlight, she thought she saw him smile. He brought out his finger as well, intertwining it with hers. Their hands slowly fell on the pillow, just as they were falling into a dreamless sleep. They didn't break apart for the whole night.

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Please let me know what you guys think? Is it plausible? Is it going too fast or too slow? Be honest. I love it when you are. Thank you again for reading my words.