We all have our masks [Twenty One Pilots]

Chapter Thirty One: We all have our masks

Author's note: if you haven't seen it, there's a big author's note chapter before this one that might clear up a bit of what you're going to read. I strongly encourage you to read it first, otherwise you might get confused.

Lena's bags were packed.

Her bags were all packed, yet she still couldn't grasp the idea of what was going to happen next. She would probably spend the night crying but would finally go downstairs early in the morning to say goodbye with a smile on her face, pretending to still believe that this decision was the best she could take.

She had to believe it now. She had to, because she couldn't go back. She was too proud to ever go back on her own words. Biting her lips to avoid yet another flow of tears, Lena sat down on the bed, mentally looking over all the reasons to leave, reasons that seemed crystal clear just a few hours before, but that only looked like fog now, blurrying her vision like mist on a rainy day.

Three knocks on the door cleared the haze away, and with a heavy heart, Lena got up to open it. She was half expecting Mark - the sweet boy had spent quite some time on trying to get her to stay - but surprise made her eyebrows shot up when Josh's silhouette took over the door frame.

Without a word, the two of them took place on the bed after exchanging sad smiles. Lena wasn't sure what Josh would have to say about all this. Tyler was his best friend, his brother from another mother, and she wasn't sure he would take her side this time.

Josh had always been nice to her. The nicest, actually. If it weren't for him, she wouldn't have embarked on a road trip for concerts with the boys. She wouldn't have had a way to go through her own search for long lost family. But more importantly, she wouldn't have found a new home without him.

Suddenly, a wave of sadness rushed through Lena's body like a tsunami, erasing any other feeling in her mind. She couldn't hold it anymore and after a small attempt at keeping it together in the form of a shaky sigh, she let it go and started crying.

Immediatly, Josh slipped his arm around her shoulders and hold her tight. Not a word was spoken for quite some time, and Lena wasn't sure how this could be, but Josh had such a powerful sense of empathy that he knew. He knew those tears had to leave her body, and he waited patiently for her eyes to run out of water to spill.

Then, as Lena seemed to calm down, Josh reached into his pocket and got a nice handkerchief out. The fabric was so soft and precious, it almost seemed ridiculous to Lena that this could be used as a tissue, but she took it nonetheless, finally looking into his eyes.

"Why can't you stay?" he asked softly while Lena rubbed her eyes.

The girl shrugged, unable to find a clear answer to that. Ultimately, she carefully listed all the things and people she had to take care of back in France, and as much as Josh nodded comprehensively, she could guess he wasn't really buying it.

"Really, though," he started again after a short silence, "why can't you? Is this about Tyler?"

Lena looked down to her hands, still holding the folded tissue, unable to stand Josh's gaze anymore.

"Is this about Leah?"

Lena sighed. She knew that Josh knew. Tyler had probably poured his heart out to him right after they had their last argument. She could see in Josh's eyes that he had all the information he needed to form his own opinion on the situation. Yet, he was still trying to get her point of view.

"What are you so afraid of?" he asked gently, and from anyone else, Lena would have felt judged, but this was Josh. He continued. "You have nothing to be afraid of. Tyler is-"

"I'm not afraid," Lena cut him off, "I'm just... I can't. I just can't."

There were many things implied in those words, from the fact that she was way too insecure to live a relationship with Tyler feeling like she was impersonating his dead girlfriend, to the way she felt guilty about leaving her little brother behind. Lena wasn't sure if Josh could even consider all those implications, but he didn't ask for further detail. Instead, he just asked, "Why not?"

"Because," Lena said vehemently, like that would clear everything up. Soon realizing her mistake, she added. "Because ever since I met you guys, I..." she hesitated, not sure how to word her feelings. "I had a hard time piercing his protective wall, but when I finally got through, it's like he instantly became my best friend."

There was no need to mention Tyler's name. Josh knew all along that he was part of the reasons behind all this. Lena had never thought of it all like that, but as soon as the words came out, she knew they were the right ones. Yet it made everything even more difficult.

"I feel like he knows a lot more about me than I do myself. He's like..," she frowned, trying to clear her own thoughts, "He's like Dawson, and I'm Joey!" The last words were almost yelled, and Lena was kind of proud of the reference, especially because she knew Josh would get it.

But Josh frowned. "I don't see the problem in this..." he replied, looking like he was talking more to himself than to Lena.

Nervously, the girl jumped up, starting to pace around the room. "The whole thing IS the problem, Josh. Come on, you've seen the tv show, you've seen it with me: Dawson never gets the girl." Lena stopped dead in her tracks, realizing full force the implications of what she had just said. Her chest tightened around her heart, and the pain made her whisper.

"Dawson and Joey were never meant to be. For a long time, they thought they were, and so did everyone else around them. But it could never have worked out for the best between them, in any given situation." Saddened, she sat back down next to a confused Josh.

"Well..." Josh started, shifting on the bed sheets to face Lena. "I guess you've missed the whole point of the show. There's one thing you tend to forget: Dawson was never cut out for real life. He idealized his own existence, he was too far off from reality to even feel real."

Lena raised her eyebrows. Josh wasn't wrong, indeed, but she didn't really see where he was going with this. The man didn't let her wait for much longer, though.

"Tyler's not Dawson. He's too anchored in reality to ever be your or anyone else's Dawson," Josh said seriously, although the conversation was starting to get a little too cryptic for Lena, "but he could make a great Pacey, if you let him."

With these words, Josh stood up. Lena had the idea that Josh probably thought it was the best way to end such a conversation and that he was proud of it, but it wasn't really helping right now. She was still full of indecision, and the big choice - stay or go? - was still hers to make.

When he reached the door, Josh turned towards Lena again, a hand on the doorknob. "We all have our masks, remember?" he asked rhetorically. "Well, Tyler took his off for you. That should mean something."

When Josh closed the door behind him, Lena's hope of getting at least a few hours of sleep that night had vanished.

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2 chapters left. I'm just preparing you for the end.