Love Me Again

Chapter 1- Forgotten

Dan's POV-

I was jolted awake by my alarm at 3am and rushed to get dressed. I didn't shower, nor brush my teeth and straighten my hair and I didn't even do up my pants until I was outside in the cold air. It was very dark and there were a couple of cars that passed by with groggy drivers drinking coffee to keep them awake. Another thing I had forgotten: coffee. On the way to the hospital I stopped at Starbucks to see if it was open, but unfortunately it was not and I slumped away in a state of misery and disappointment. How on earth was I going to stay awake until ten o'clock that night? I couldn't leave him; I couldn't leave my Phil. I caught a taxi and it took me to the hospital where a few family members were waiting to see their relations. I took a seat on my own after signing in and dug out my earphones, hoping music would keep me awake until I was allowed in the little cramped room that they kept my best friend in. It was ridiculous, really, how they kept the visitors waiting for hours on end despite them getting up at god knows what time just so they can have at least one little chat with their family or friends. Only six hours ago I had been sitting in the little cream chair beside Phil's bed, stroking his hand and begging for him to wake up and speak to me. He hadn't woken up, and all day I had talked to myself until at eleven o'clock I went to bed thinking I was going insane. After all, there was no Phil in the house to talk to or play Mario Kart with, so who was I going to talk to about Formula 1 or Kanye West? Well, saying that, Phil never listened to me about those things anyway.

"Dan Howell?" The nurse asked and I jumped up, pocketing my earphones with the music still playing. Distantly I could hear the words to 'Uma Thurman' by Fall Out Boy and I closed my hand around the heads. In the ghostly silence of the corridors, I didn't want the nurse to hear. That would be embarrassing. "You know which room?" She asked and I nodded. I had been here so many times I knew where to go with my eyes closed. She left me to make my own way and soon I was standing outside of his door with my hand hesitantly on the handle. Would he be awake? If so, what would I say? 'Hey Phil, how's it going? After all, everything just crashed down on you. Your eyes look nice today, what do you use?' I shook my head as if to banish these stupid thoughts. We were best friends; we always knew what to talk about around each other.

I opened the door with a smile to make sure he knew everything was going to be alright, but as expected he was not awake and my face dropped. I dropped into the cream armchair by his bed and leant my head on his shoulder, thinking about plugging my earphones back in my ears. From the looks of it, he wouldn't be waking up for a while. I resumed listening to Fall Out Boy for over two hours, until I eventually (and unwillingly) fell asleep, but not for long as Phil's parents came in and told me to have a break. At first I refused but I really wanted a coffee and something to eat so I left the room, dragging my feet as I went, and left the hospital. It was bright outside and the sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon, creating a spectrum of different colours, like flames licking water to create the smokey grey clouds that passed overhead. Despite the ringing in my ears and my blurry vision, everything seemed beautiful. My suffering was beautiful; Phil's slow recovery was beautiful; the day itself was beautiful. The problem was my tears ruining it and soaking my face. I didn't mean to cry as I hardly ever cried, but I should be with my best friend, at his side as I had been throughout all of the years we had known each other. As he had been to me.

For an hour I sat in Starbucks just thinking about life and the meaning of it until the clock on the wall told me it was eight o'clock and I decided it was time to head back. Hopefully Phil had woken up and he was chatting to his parents and asking where I was. I would be right by his side, as soon as I could get a taxi; not one stopped for me until I got so impatient that I stepped out onto the road, causing one to pull over for me. I figured the driver would probably think I'm some sort of maniac but all I wanted was to see Phil again and then let the day pass in agony and then return home to sleep before repeating the same cycle. I barely ate nor washed anymore since Phil had been involved in a car accident a week ago, and when I had heard what had happened I threw up before rushing to the hospital in a state of madness and panic. I remembered praying for him to be alive, and when I saw that he was not severly injured my hysteria had calmed down and I began to believe the doctors that he was going to be fine. From what I could see on his reports and on Phil himself, he was not going to die, thank every single bloody god out there, and at the same time curse them for making me go through this.

"Dan," Mrs Lester sighed on seeing me, "I told you to get some rest. You don't look like you've slept at all."

"I went to Starbucks, ma'am." I replied with a broken yawn and leant against the wall as she was occupying the armchair. "I don't want to leave him again, please. Can I stay?"

"Oh, fine." Mrs Lester smiled at me and for the next hour or two we talked about what would happen when Phil came out of hospital. I explained that he'd come back to our house and get back into the routine of eating, sleeping and washing and then he would visit his family to tell them he was ok; that everything was fine. I saw Mrs Lester's eyes brighten at the words and how I was speaking so normally about it, as if she believed there was no hope left for him and I was making her believe there was. Because there was. He was not going to die, I knew that already. But why did Phil's own mum not believe it? "Dan, you look like Hell. Please go home and get at least twelve hours of sleep. Phil wouldn't want you like this."

"But I want to stay here-" I stopped myself. Arguing would do no good, plus I did want to go home. I did want sleep and I did want a shower and I did want a proper meal. As much as I wanted to make sure I was there when Phil woke, I just couldn't remain there any longer. I had to get out. "Okay, I'll be back tomorrow. Call me if he wakes up, or if anything happens. Don't leave him alone, please." I pleaded and Mrs Lester, instead of nodding or smiling, wrapped me in a loving hug before sending me off, back to our apartment where I took a long, relaxing bubble bath and then made a bowl of spaghetti which I ate whilst watching Attack on Titan on the TV. After finishing the episode I climbed into bed and slept for a few hours, but during the night I would wake up in a cold sweat and pace around the house before getting back into bed and falling asleep again to the sound of my own heavy breathing. I lost track of the time and day as I continued to sleep, wake, pace and then go back to sleep again. The next time I woke up it was to the buzzing of my phone and I pressed it to my ear sleepily.

"Dan?" Mrs Lester breathed into the phone, her voice almost a whisper. "Dan, are you awake?"

"Mhmm." I hummed and closed my eyes. I was just about to fall asleep when she spoke again.

"Dan, Phil woke up yesterday and he's coming home today. I tried to call you but you didn't answer. But... he can't go home to yours. I'll explain when you get here." She sounded nervous.

I was too tired to take in what she had said so I just mumbled a goodbye and hung up, ready to go to sleep. I could phone her back in the morning, but for now I needed sleep so bad that it hurt. I fell asleep once more, for the last time as when I woke up the next day I couldn't go back to sleep. I was feeling so stiff and drowsy and my head was spinning, but I managed to climb out of bed and take a shower, feeling the sweat from being tangled up in the duvet running down my body and into the plughole. I made breakfast seeing as the time was eight in the morning and lay on the couch in silence. I did not put the TV on for I was trying to remember what Mrs Lester had called for. She had said something, but hopefully it wasn't important. That's when my phone buzzed showing her name on the screen and I answered.

"Mrs Lester-" I began, but she cut me off.

"Dan, I think you should come to our house now. You can meet Phil in the park, by the fountain." She spoke quickly, and then I remembered what she had said. Phil was awake and at home. I was supposed to visit him today. Oh god.

Panicking, I ran into my room and straightened my hair before changing into black skinny jeans and my black eclipse shirt: my usual attire. I wasn't sure what to expect from my best friend now that he had awoken from a very long sleep, but I knew that he'd at least be happy to see me. Who wasn't? On the way out I grabbed his space coat thinking that he'd want it back and dashed onto the streets to catch a taxi. I was buzzing with excitement and it ran through my veins like wildfire. It had been too long since I had talked to him and I was dying without his amazing voice consuming my mind and maddening me. But he was my best friend, so I couldn't think of him in that way. But I certainly did anyway. I wasn't even afriad to admit it.