Love Me Again

Chapter 19- A Day in the Life of Phil and Dan... in Japan! (by Fall Out Boy)

A/N- little trigger warning. Also please check out fullmetalmikasa's fanfics!! They're amazing!

Phil's POV-

That night we slept pracefully, not quite in each other's arms as it was warm at night but not apart from each other either. I kept my hand in Dan's but when I woke up his leg was draped over mine and the hand I had been holding was thrown over his eyes so I didn't know whether he was awake or not. But I could see his mouth; it was slighty open with the tiniest bit of dribble leaking from one corner. I thought it was cute so I gently pressed my lips to his before rolling out of the tangle of blankets to stretch my stiff legs. I felt a little sick, but that was probably jet lag. After pacing the room in boredom, I decided to get a shower seeing as Dan was in a deep sleep. Humming the theme tune to Attack on Titan whilst the water sprayed my face was relaxing, but it also made me stand in the shower for half an hour singing anime theme tunes and working out how everything works.

Once dried and dressed, I made a coffee with the free hotel luxuries and drank that whilst watching Dan sleep until the sun outside told me it was almost midday. We had to meet Ellyse and her sister at the maid café for lunch. That meant waking Dan up, which I did easily but his mood when I told him to get ready was not easy to put up with.

"Stop repeating youself!" He snapped, shrugging off his shirt. "I don't need your help! Phillip!" He yelped as I wrestled him to put on a clean shirt faster. "Phil!"

"Hurry up!" I clapped my hands and waited by the door as he pulled on some skinny jeans as usual. "Leave your curly hair; it's cute." I begged but he straightened it anyway and followed me out of the room clumsily. "Still drunk, I see."

"Jetlag." Dan grumbled, doing an extra fringe check in the hallway mirrors that were just there for decoration. "I'm hungry, where are we going?"
"The Maid Café." I shrugged. "I told Ellyse I'd meet her there. Is that okay?"

Dan nodded, still staring at himself, until I reminded him that vanity was probably a sin and he stumbled after me on unsteady feet. I was actually starting to believe he was well and truly drunk. "So where is this Maid Café?" He grumbled, stretching his sleeves over his knuckles whilst following me out of the main doors, into the warm air. It was such a big change from London.

"Round the corner." I answered, taking his arm and pulling him along in fear of missing Ellyse. When Dan asked me how I knew where things were, I told him I had memorized parts of the map from the guide book as I had looked at it for so long. Sometimes I admired myself. Most of the time I admired Dan... who had just walked into a lampost and was tripping up over his own feet. "Dan, are you sure you're not drunk?" I asked him.

"I'm sure I am not drunk!" Dan snapped, apparently still in his mood. It was actually quite amusing. "Is this it?" Dan pointed at the black and white café in front of us with hardly any tables left and maids serving the people who looked starving. "Do you see Ellyse?" Dan muttered under his breath, eyes scanning every single table until they eventually rested on me. I shook my head.

"No. Maybe she forgot?"

"If she forgot..." Dan growled, but very loud squeals cut him off. We both spun around to see two Japanese girls, one being Ellyse and the other being a ginger-haired teenager. She was much taller than her sister, but maybe she was actually seven. And she was fangirling. Ellyse had one hand over her sister's open mouth and the other was holding her flailing arms with a bit of difficulty. The poor girl was too small.

"Caitlin, be quiet!" Ellyse pleaded, flashing me large apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry, she just really loves you two."

"I get it a lot." I assured her and gave Caitlin a hug after Dan, who managed not to fall on his face. He deserved a gold medal. "Hello. Are you going to show us around?"

"Yeah, course we are." Ellyse huffed and ushered Caitlin out of the way for an elderly couple. For someone who looked seven, she surley acted like an embarassed, moody teenager. I wasn't sure I wanted them to be our tour guides. But I was surpirsed when they began talking about the history of Japan and let us take as long as we wanted anywhere we wanted. Caitlin remained silent so I presumed she was fangirling silently whereas Ellyse yapped on to the point where Dan begged for her to stop talking.

"Dan, don't be rude. I like learning Japanese history." I lied after seeing Ellyse's slighly embarassed and hurt face. Really I wanted her to shut up but no such luck.

"- the gods were said to have walked through there-" Ellyse was cut off by me running under the arch and pretending to be a mighty god walking through. Dan burst into a fit of laughter. Caitlin and Ellyse sat back and watched us take turns walking through, battling for the best godly face. No one won; it ended with a big sloppy kiss and Dan bumping into a fat man who threatened to throw a cheeseburger at him.

We were sat in a park under the shade of a large oak tree when Dan hit me with a question that took my completely by surprise: "If I died, what would you do? How would you feel?"

Frowning, I rocked back on my bottom so my back was against the tree and counted to three before answering. "I would be devastated. I... I would break." And that was when a memory came back to me, a whole section of my life with Dan.

"Phil, what would you do if I died?" Dan asked me randomly as we sat in my house playing Cards Against Humanity. I had given up ages ago.

"If you died? I would die. Metaphorically. Why?" I asked, thinking it was just a random question that had magically popped into his head at that very moment. But, as it turned out, Dan had been thinking about death for most of his life.

"Because I want to die Phil." And Dan was crying, very slowly rising from his seat and moving away from my tense body. "I have never wanted to die more in my life. But I know that's stupid and selfish but I can't live this life anymore!"

"But- but-" I struggled for words. "You said when we're older we could live together! And we would do everything together! Dan do you not want that anymore? Do you not want me?" And I was crying too, also standing.

"I do!" Dan yelled, tugging at his messy hair. "I do; I want you and I want to live with you but I want to die and I want to be happy!"

I froze, thinking of what to say. Obviously he wasn't happy with life and the only way to escape was death. "I only desire for you to be happy." I whispered, wiping my eyes. "And if that means death then go ahead. But I can make you happy, I can."

"Oh Phil." Dan shuddered. "I want to, I do, but I can't do this to you. I just can't. I'm sorry."

The memory ended and I gasped for breath as Dan shook my shoulder, calling my name. Ellyse and Caitlin, noticing there was something wrong, were walking towards us slowly. But I was staring at Dan who looked immensly worried.

"You were going to kill yourself." I whispered, clutching his cold hand. "When we were younger. But you didn't."

Dan shook his head after a couple of seconds looking lost in thoughts. "All thanks to you; you saved me. I'm glad I didn't, too."

"Me too." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Ellyse and Caitlin had retreated so it was just ua under the tree, sharing kisses on the lush green grass, surrounded by the smell of bakeries.