Love Me Again

Chapter 17- Japhan

Dan's POV-

All thoughts of what had almost happened in the hospital had been forcefully pushed into the back of my mind where, hopefully, I would never find them again. The only thoughts that remained were that I loved Phil, my best friend, and he loved me back, but still he did not know me. No more of his memories had come back, not even after the couple of weeks of therapy I had had passed. I convinced him to see a doctor in the absolute terror of him never being able to remember everything we accomplished together. Radio 1 had called us, asking if we were ready to come back, and I told them not for another month at least. The doctor had told us to wait that long, so we would. And during the wait I would take Phil places, giving him more of a reason to love me. A place that we both loved and wanted to go to...

"Dan, the therapist is here!" Phil called and my heart tightened. It was my last session, and this one would determine whether or not I needed more of the sessions. "Dan, are you dressed?" It was pointless asking that question as Phil came into my room anyway and saw me sitting on the bed, bare-chested, fiddling with my hands. "Are you alright?"

"This is stupid. She shouldn't be here." I growled, wiping my sweaty palms on my shorts as I stood up to root for a shirt. "I'm doing just fine, thank you very much."

"Dan," Phil almost snapped, looking a little disappointed, "Lesley is here to help you, not to cause you more stress." He indicated my body which was as tense as a bowstring. I loosened up a little unwillingly, seeing that if Lesley knew how I was reacting she would definitely give me more sessions. I was not having that. "Are you ready?" Phil asked once I had pulled on my grey horn hoodie over a black shirt.

"More or less." I mumbled, running trembling hands through my curly hair. It'd have to wait. "Where is she?"

"Lounge." Phil murmured and stood by the door as I sat down across the older woman, my arms limp by my sides but my legs bouncing up and down due to nervous disposition. I tried to relax as I smiled at her in greeting. This was going to be fine; I was going to walk free of therapy from this day on. "Should I leave?" Phil inquired, biting his lip.

"I'd like a cup of tea, please." Lesley asked politely, and then looked at me. I shook my head and that's when she began. "So, this is your last session Dan. How are you feeling?"

I opened my mouth to answer that I was fine but that would be lying. Lesley was extremely good at detecting lies. Instead I sighed and told her, "You're putting much more stress on me. I don't want more sessions because I have been doing great lately, but this is ridiculous. You expect me to be calm knowing that the rest of my life could just be me talking to some stranger about my problems?"

Lesley raised two bushy grey eyebrows at me in surprise before nodding and stroking her chin as if she had a beard. "Stressed, eh? Or anxious?"

"What?" I asked, knowing exactly what she meant. Was I stressed, or just extremely nervous about the whole thing? What kind of stress could this put on me? "I... anxious, I guess-"

"You have nervous disposition, too." She noticed, looking at my leg bouncing up and down rapidly. I tried to stop but it was having none of it. "What's your biggest fear, Daniel?"

"My biggest fear?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "I don't know. Moths? The dark? Trees? Trees in the dark with a moth?"

"You are a very strange boy. Any emotional or mental fears? Loneliness, death, losing a loved one-?" Lesley stopped at watching my face drain of all colour and sobs trying to choke their way up my throat. I knew my biggest fear, I just never thought about it or even allowed myself any access to it. "I am sorry, Dan. Would you like to change the subject?"

It was at that moment Phil came into the room with a mug of tea in his hand. He handed it over to Lesley, and then looked at me. I was shaking, wiping the sweat off my brow, and when Phil's eyes connected with mine I saw the flash of worry in them. I must've looked bad. "What's wrong with him?" Phil demanded, jerking a thumb at me. Lesley set her tea down and gathered her papers, ignoring Phil's question.

"Dan, what would you like to talk about?" She asked and I glared at her, focusing on Phil's breathing right next to my ear. He had bent down to take my hand and was also glaring at the therapist. I breathed in time to him, managing to calm myself down, and straightened my back. "Very good, Daniel. Do you have breathing practices with Phil here?"

"No, this is what we always do when I lose control of my breathing." I told her, my voice surprisingly calm. "And for your information, my biggest fear has already come true." I snapped, standing up and dragging Phil with me. Lesley watched me with the slightest bit of uncertainty in her eyes. "Yet here I am, still living with it. It had become bearable, but this therapy is not helping. I am going to ask kindly that you will leave now, please." I stood back to let her stand up and walk past me into the hallway, towards the door.

When she was just about to leave, she turned around and smiled warmly into my eyes, which were stone cold. "You will need no more sessions. Good day, Daniel Howell. It had been a pleasure." And then she left, closing the door behind her. After a couple of minutes squeezing Phil's hand in anger, I wrapped my arms around him and sighed heavily into his chest.

"It's over. Thank you." I smiled.

"You've been so brave." Phil stroked my hair. "And for that I have a treat for you. Well, for both of us."

"A treat?" I wondered aloud, my voice muffled into his shirt.

"I'm taking you abroad. Guess where." Phil pushed me gently away and kissed the tip of my nose. Seeing that I was unable to answer, he giggled. "Japan, Dan. Japan!" He hugged me and bounced up and down, excitement bubbling through him. Joy raced through me and I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him, hard.

"Oops, best friends." I reminded him, blushing as I pulled away. "Although I do love you. I don't think you can even begin to imagine how much. But Japan, Phil. Japan!" I squealed like a twelve year old fangirl. "More like Japhan."

"God, that was terrible." Phil smirked and laced his fingers through my curly hair, breath tickling my ear as he held me- just held me. And it was perfect.