Love Me Again

Chapter 5- New Memories

Phil's POV-
I was warm and comfortable when I woke up the next morning with Dan wrapped in my arms. His head was burrowed into the crook of my neck and his knees tucked up so they rested on my stomach, which was oddly pleasant. His hair had gone curly from the nightmares which had caused him to sweat, and even I had to admit it was super cute. Almost like a Hobbit... another thing that seemed familiar. His eyes were hidden in my shirt was I could feel his eyelashed tickling where the hem of my shirt hitched up. It was actually pretty cute, how he slept, but I couldn't stay cuddled up to him forever. I had to go to the shop for some milk and Shreddies, and then maybe buy a new coat if I have enough money. A simple one would do. 

Trying my best not to wake the sleeping Dan, I dragged myself out of the bed and took some clothes to the bathroom where I got dressed and brushed my teeth. My hair was naturally straight so that wasn't a problem and my shoes were by the door so I could slip them on as I was going out. I rummaged the house for money, eventually finding a £20 note hidden under the couch. Perfect. I slipped my feet into the shoes, gripping the coats next to me for balance, when my hand touched an unfamiliar material. I glanced up at a silvery water-proof coat with a  furry hood and frowned. It was too small to be my dad's, and it was a man's coat. Plus it was my size. I looked inside at the label and written on it in big black letters was my name. So it was mine. But I didn't own a coat, especially one that nice. 

That's when mum walked into the hallway, sleepily wiping her eyes. She spotted me staring at the coat and smiled. "Good morning, Philly. Where are you going this early?"

"Shopping." I replied. "Is this my coat?" 

"Yes, Dan brought it back for you. You left it at your old apartment." She explained. "Is he awake?" 

I shook my head, slipping on the coat. It was very comfortable, just like it looked, and was a little bit like a space coat. Another spark in the back of my mind. "Nah, still asleep. I won't be long since I don't need a coat now. If he wakes up just say I've gone out." I pulled open the door, cold air hitting me. I called a brief goobye and slammed the door shut.

I didn't spend much time in the shop, but when I got back Dan was sitting at the breakfast table with porridge in a bowl and his clothes on. His hair was still curly as he had no straightners and he was red in the face. Clearly he was embrassed.

"Dan, your hair looks fine." Mum sighed, and I noticed him messing with it self-consciously. He was embarassed of his hobbit hair. How cute. "Ah, Philly, have your breakfast and then you can take Dan to the train station." She paused then, staring at me. "Would you like to go back home, to the apartment?" She asked quietly, and Dan's head lifted a bit but he did not look at either of us.

What did I say? This apartment was obviously my home, but I did not know it nor Dan. I couldn't go to a stranger's house, yet Dan was no stranger. He was once my best friend. "I'm sorry, but no. I can't."

I saw Dan's shoulders drop and he stopped listening. I was not going home with him until I knew more about him; one night in the same bed did not change anything. "My train is due in fifteen minutes. I'll go on my own." Dan announced and took his bowl into the kitchen. When he met me in the hall he looked distraught and empty, like something had broken permantely broken inside of him. Suddenly I felt bad and took his wrist.

"I'll take you. Let's go." I could have breakfast when I got back. Dan needed me to comfort him; that was the least I could do. "I'll be back later mum!" We stepped outside and Dan shuddered. Realising I was holding his wrist, I stepped away and asked him if he had everything. He didn't reply, only walked away with his head down. I jogged to catch up with him. "Hey, Dan! Why the long face?"

Dan cracked a smile at that, making me wonder. He smiled at little things like that, as if remembering a past memory. Perhaps he was. I was about to ask when he said: "Photobooth Challenge. Watch the video."

"You know me so well." I remarked, surprised. It was hard to believe he was not my boyfriend. "What else have we done together?"

Dan paused for a bit, probably thinking about the best times we had. I was excited to hear them, but would that sway my decision on not going with him? I hoped not and listened as he began with something shocking: "We have a radio show together. I hosted an anti-bullying thing and you helped. We did backstage tours of The BRITS, 2014 and 2015. We have small cameo roles as Technition 1&2. We had a whole phandom and we made YouTube videos- which you already know- and..." He swallowed, blinking tears away. "and we accomplished so much together. One million subscribers on our gaming channel. Your channel, AmazingPhil, has two million and mine, Danisnotonfire, has four. That always annoyed me but you never minded. I-I-I... I can't go on." Dan stuttered, and then fell into a dejected silence.

After a while of wondering what to say, I decided to go with the classic: "I'm sorry." And then: "Maybe you can show me those memories. Not all of them were recorded I presume, so why not show me right here right now?" Why had I said this? He had to catch a train and I had to go home to eat breakfast. Why, oh, why had I asked him to repeat the past? Luckily he shook his head.

"Sorry, but I've gotta go. This is goodbye." Dan smiled sadly and walked away, towards the train that was awaiting last-minute arrivals. I stood on the platform, watching the last people file in, and spotted Dan with his earphones in, looking right at me. I waved but he turned away as the doors began to close. Screw this, I thought and jumped trough the narrow gap so I ended up sprawled on the train floor. A few people stared at me but I stood up and searched for Dan. Thank God I had jumped into the right coach as I had spotted him leaning forward in his chair, face in hands. Hoping he wasn't crying, I sat next to him and we remained silent for the rest of the journey, him not moving at all.