Black Phillip vs. Monster Pig

Black Phillip Watches Netflix

It was a pretty dull day on the farm as it goes for Black Phillip, so he decided to pop on some Netflix and unwind after a long day of silently plotting and watching Puritan women fetch water and all that. Black Phillip loves Netflix because he was on it once and it gave him lots of exposure to really expand the Coven and honestly the royalties paid for him to not have to work after the economy really shifted and you can't just live off of unbaptized babies and random berries in the woods. 

Black Phillip was perusing all of the options when he decided he was looking for a chuckle and so he remembered clowns were always a classic choice. Now, you may be wondering how is Black Phillip navigating remote controls with just hooves, however, Black Phillip's witches gifted him an Apple TV so he had voice activated features, which seems like a really generous gift but it was sort of backhanded because the witches were looking to distract Black Phillip with TV so they could get him off their back. 

Black Phillip rasped out the word "Clowns" into the search bar and was confused when every offering was just about clowns that kill and John Wayne Gacy, which is ultimately still the genre 'clowns that kill,' but for true crime bitches. Black Phillip was pretty pissed because when Black Phillip doesn't get what he wants he lets negative emotions take over and uses  maladaptive coping skills that ultimately lead to manipulation and murder. 

Black Phillip went online and looked up clown murdering barnyard animals to deal with this anger. Thankfully, Black Phillip found the perfect fit but unfortunately the perfect fit was in a cement block in New Zealand. Black Phillip needed some help so he talked to Senator Organa about his options since he knew he was skilled at getting individuals locked into such traps. Senator Organa was more than helpful and even lent Black Phillip his spaceship so he could fly to New Zealand.  

Black Phillip and his favorite witch, Thomasin, got on the ship and flew to New Zealand to a farm in whatever part of New Zealand has farms. They walked through pig barn after pig barn until in the back, darkly lit, corner of the last pig barn they saw it. The cement block encasing Monster Pig.