Black Phillip vs. Monster Pig

Black Phillip Stirs the Pot at a Local Gay Bar

After the strain of being sat on and then watching Monster Pig eat a group of PETA vegans (which was ultimately very ironic) Black Phillip decided to kick it back at the local gay bar. It was called "Iced Coffee at 7pm on a Tuesday in Mid-January" and it specialized in overpriced cocktails served by that brand of bisexual that is very into 90s Nickelodeon aesthetic. Black Phillip found the name rather humorous, and pretty accurate, considering he was drinking an iced coffee when he found it on Yelp. 

Black Phillip decided to go with his witches and have a little queer fun and maybe cause a ton of drama, who knows. He put on one of the discontinued men's rompers that was pure silk and had a mini rainbow flag pattern throughout. He looked quite dapper and super gay and he was really feeling loose and frisky. 

Black Phillip strutted into the bar with his sunglasses on and his attitude out of check. He was super pompous and he certainly turned heads considering everyone else in the bar was a human. There were a ton of dudes there and they were eyeing up Black Phillip who was certainly returning the favor. Black Phillip went and sat in between a couple of twinks that were clearly hitting it off and wielded his goat charm with them. 

"Does thoust like the taste of goat?" asked Black Phillip, very seductively. 

"This bitch does." said Twink 1 while Twink 2 watched. 

"Excuse me you whore but I thought we had an agreement." said Twink 2, completely aghast. 

"We can share dumbass" Twink 1 retorted. 

"I mean, yeah, but maybe I'm not in the mood for that, also he has hooves which means there's alot that can't happen." Twink 2 replied. 

Black Phillip didn't care one ounce what they were saying. Black Phillip didn't even want sex. What Black Phillip craved was a ton of drama and petty fights. Black Phillip went up to the bartender and ordered a shot for three more guys that were clearly with other men and then sucked the bartender's ear like only a goat can. 

By the time the drinks were out and about and Black Phillip was exposed as the generous donor of gin and tonic around the bar, there was a horde of angry gay men coming up to him to ask what the deal was. The problem was, gays fucking love a bad boy, and Black Phillip was nothing more than the baddest. 

Black Phillip just leveled them with that glare he has and started to show them his magic shit until he remembered these weren't crystal lesbians and he'd be better off just like spitting in some guy's face and then asking for his Grindr handle. Black Phillip was working his magic when two guys started to wrestle because with Black Phillip's meddlesome flirting they found out they were sleeping with the same guy which they usually wouldn't care about but they were drunk and they decided fighting was easier. Black Phillip loved this and hoped for more physical altercations. 

After this, a bunch of circuit party gays started raving and freaking out and Black Phillip wasn't about that shit one bit. He decided to bounce but he caught three of his witches frenching random bisexual women who have a penchant for carrying swords around and wearing skull shit in a slightly goth but not quite goth way. Black Phillip huffed and puffed and tried to get their attention but all he ended up doing was angering the bisexuals. After around 45 minutes of the bisexuals trying to get out of the chair they were sitting in completely incorrectly, they came after Black Phillip who got distracted on his phone waiting for his coven. 

Right around the time they made it up to him, the coven was back in order and the busted out of the bar, leaving it in chaos, exactly how Black Phillip wanted it.