Black Phillip vs. Monster Pig

Monster Pig Get His COVID Vaccine

Now, before Monster Pig started to fight Black Phillip he wanted to make sure he wasn't spreading COVID-19. Monster Pig was a monster, but he wasn't a Republican so he was totally down with getting vaccinated. Monster Pig was also technically a New Zealand citizen at time of "death" and was fortunately part of the most progressive and healthy countries during the pandemic. Also, Black Phillip was already vaccinated when he qualified this past April, however, Monster Pig was still encased in that cement block, which was great for social distancing and masking up, but also made it hard to be made aware there was a global pandemic underway. 

This is all to say, Monster Pig was hot to get the shot (if I was sober that line would have hurt but honestly I am super drunk and watching Hellraiser 3 as I write this so lets be real nothing can hurt me). Monster Pig made some rando say "Long Pig, Short Pig, Wide Pig, Narrow Pig" until they felt compelled to drive him to his local CVS Pharmacy. As Monster Pig and the rando pulled in they noticed a bunch of protesters outside. Monster Pig was confused why they were protesting but the rando explained to Monster Pig that the Venn Diagram of people who are "pro life" and people won't take less than ten minutes to get poked with a needle in order to protect their entire community is actually just a circle and they protest dumb shit like it is their second job. 

This explanation made Monster Pig super hungry because he loved eating clowns, even if they weren't in regalia. So, Monster Pig clambered out of the car and went up to the protesters. They had signs that said "My Body My Choice" (lol ironic) and "We Live in a Police State" (also ironic) and if Monster Pig could read that would have just broke his little piggy brain with the sheer hypocrisy and stupidity of it. When the protesters saw Monster Pig they got really excited but then Monster Pig just picked up this dude with a "1984, More Like 2021" sign and ripped him limb from limb and ate him. His last words were "At least I died free" and all the other protesters were super moved by it. Monster Pig was pretty hungry for more protesters but the rando that drove him there had a guitar lesson at 1pm so he was ready to get moving and Monster Pig did have basic manners all things considered. 

Monster Pig waltzed on into that CVS like he owned the place and all the workers were honestly super pissed because they were working a high risk job during a global pandemic and now they had to clean up after the world's largest pig. Monster Pig didn't care, it wasn't his fault America was a total sub for capitalism and frankly he had one life to live and that life wasn't going to involve being a dumbass that doesn't get a basic vaccine. 

Monster Pig went to the back and had the rando fill out all of his personal health information for the pharmacist. Once it was filled out, the pharmacist came out with a huge needle filled with the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. Monster Pig was an efficient fella and he wanted a one and done solution, so he chose the Johnson and Johnson vaccine after a day or so worth of Twitter research with Nicki Minaj. Monster Pig got the shot and it was time for his fifteen minute wait time to make sure he didn't have an adverse reaction that someone would ultimately exploit for an extremist post on Facebook. 

Monster Pig waited the fifteen minutes and was totally fine. He decided to patronize Rite Aid by buying a some candy bars that were 3 for 4 dollars and left to prepare for his big battle.