purple's our color- mileven au

FIFTEEN

"And the saddest fear, comes creeping in, that you never loved me or her or anyone or anything" I Knew You Were Trouble, Taylor Swift

     All of the times El had thought this over, it wasn't preparing enough. Weren't these things supposed to happen gradually instead of so suddenly? She clenched her fist and let go of Sara's back, swallowing and her throat was now dry. Sara lifted her up and stared up at her big sister. "What?" she cooed.

"Uh-um, I'm gonna go talk to Joyce and Dad ok? Go find Holly," El explained, standing up and squeezing her sister's hand for a second before walking off.
"I hope you feel better!" Sara smiles.
El beamed at her little sister, "Love you."

El was out the door and on her way downstairs.  She had to tell them immediately before the thoughts festered in her mind and made her worry. There was really no reason for her to be worried, but she was, because now it was real. Now El had to face the truth.

She ran quickly down the stairs to where Joyce and Hopper were in the kitchen talking. "Look I know I just freaked out down here but I just can't talk about that right now, I don't want to and I-um. Something happened, not bad, well I don't think it's bad?" El stumbled.

"What's wrong?" Hopper asks. El takes a big breath and unclenches the fist that held her sister's dead hair. "I was just hugging her and all the sudden her hair was in my hands, I-I don't know what this means or what to do or..." El sniffles softly.

"It's okay honey, it's good. It's hard but it's good." Joyce reassures.El pressed her lips together and nodded. She glanced between Joyce and Hopper and sighed. "Let us handle it kid," Hopper tells her. El softly responds with an ok and stands still for a second. "I'm gonna find Max," El proclaimed, walking away.

Max was sitting on El's bed patiently by herself and looked up immediately as El walked through the door. "I hate everything today, including myself," El whines. Max giggled softly and asked her what was wrong now. The brunette explained everything.

"Well I'm not a doctor, but that's good right?" Max questioned. El shrugged. "No, yeah, but it's just annoying. This shouldn't happen to her, to anybody, but to her it's just unfair. And I feel like sometimes it's on me to handle. I mean obviously Dad and stuff but I'm her sister and she means the world to me. I'm not trying to let her situation hold me back but at some point it has to be more important than anything else, right?" El complains.

Max nods, "of course it's important and obviously you should still live your life but maybe right now it's top priority. It should be, even though that's hard to face. Maybe you're afraid of the truth, and that's why you're feeling distracted."

El scoffs and moves slightly from her sitting position. "I am not distracted! What would make me distracted!" she said stubbornly.

Max widened her eyes and shook her head. "Well that's a you problem." She knew her friend was more than slightly distracted, and she wasn't blaming her but Max couldn't lead her through everything. El had to be honest with herself and everyone else if she wanted to find a good balance to everything going on.

"El I knew from the first day you told me about Sara and about Mike that it wasn't gonna be as easy as you let on. There's more to both things and you know that, especially now, and it's your responsibility to take care of it," Max ordered.

El was listening closely, and she was beginning to understand Max's opinion. Sara was more important and she had been distracting herself to get away from the chilling truth that Sara was sick. That there was so much haunting possibility and dangerous thoughts she could imagine. So she washed it away and let it fade, consuming her mind with a more hopeful wish. Until the faded colors turned bright, a harsh bright that blinded her. And now it was all real. Was Mike just a distraction? Were they ever truly in love?