purple's our color- mileven au

TWENTY TWO

"How long will it be cute, all this crying in my room? When you can't blame it on my youth and roll your eyes with affection" Nothing New, Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers

4:17 in the morning. That's when the hushed whispers turned into frantic calls that shook El awake. She sat up blinking her eyes open, staring at the clock when her reality flashed before her eyes, and everything stopped. It was that feeling in the air that made everything clear. There were footsteps in the hallway and conversations being held in different parts of the house. Her door opened. It was Will.

"I thought I heard you awake," he commented.
"Here I am." El stared at the floor. Will shut the door behind him, climbing to sit next to his sister on her bed. El kicked off her covers beginning to feel oddly warm and nervous, and she crossed her arms. "Are we supposed to go downstairs?" El questions. Will shrugged unsurely.

The girl sighed, "I don't think I want to." Will nodded and leaned his head down into an extra pillow beside El. They didn't say anything else. There was nothing to say. El rolled over on her side to try and think about something that wasn't what was going on. That didn't come especially easy, but eventually she drifted off to sleep and didn't dream too deeply.

Will was gone when El woke up. For a second it scared her, but then she realized he was probably with Jonathan. El was never jealous of the relationship Jonathan and Will had, of course they were close, they were brothers. But when she woke up that morning, she was angry and jealous that they had each other and she wouldn't have anyone like that anymore.

El kicked off her blankets and went downstairs like she would on any other day. Joyce was sitting at the kitchen table, flipping through random cards and papers. "Hey El," she smiled softly. El grinned at her and sat down on the couch. The morning almost felt normal, until she sat down. Staring at the turned off tv, the cold leather she was sitting on being the only spot taken up, it was empty and awkward.

"Where's Will and Jonathan?" El called from the sofa.
"I think they're in Jonathan's room, but I'm not sure," Joyce replies. El crossed her arms across her chest with a sigh. She got up and walked to the kitchen to find something to eat, and grabbed a bagel, plopping it into the toaster.

"Where's dad?" El asked.
"Oh I don't know honey I think he's dealing with a few uhm logistical things. I tried to call him and just nothing," Joyce huffed.

El rolled her eyes with an irritated scoff, "He can't just act like this all over again. He just shuts everyone out and it's really not helpful!" Joyce said that she understood while frowning down at the wooden table. "Listen, maybe everyone just needs to have a day to process and to be left alone, and then we'll all work everything out together when everyone's feeling more settled," Joyce explained.

El nodded feeling slightly defeated, like all she wanted to do was solve whatever she could but it was impossible to do so. She left the kitchen and went to her room. It was so unsettling, the feeling that nothing could ever be like it was before. And of course, it wouldn't be, but that thought alone was brutal.

El laid in her bed for most of the morning, wishing that someone wanted to talk to her, to see her, but nobody did. The person that she was to herself, to her family, felt stripped from her. It was always El and Sara, when the chaos of Joyce, Will and Jonathan coming in hit, they had each other. El couldn't ever have that now.

Just in time for El to be sick of all the thinking she was doing, her door rapidly opened, "surprise!" Max ran over to her friend and sat down next to her, wrapping her arms around her to hold her close.

"Hi," El smiled.
"I just went through a whole lot of bullshit to be able to see you. The stupid boys were like "oh maybe they won't wanna see us" and I was like well I assure you El wants to see me because we always wanna be together. And I haven't seen you in two whole days, so." Max babbles.