Falling for the Devil

#41 Missing

~ Hold Me While You Wait -
Lewis Capaldi ~
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"Cam I'm actually going to pass out," I mutter, hovering over the toilet.

She ties my hair up for me. "You're okay. You probably just drank too much," she assures. I nod as sweat drips down my forehead.

I feel a sharp, aching pain in my stomach. "Cam this is much worse," I mumble, barely able to breathe. "I'm going to pass out." I don't even remember drinking that much.

It's been a little over two weeks now since I've seen Grey. He said he'd be back for me a week ago but he hasn't. I feel like he wants to end things.

Ollie on the other hand hasn't even texted me back or returned my calls. He said he needed space but this is insane.

We've never gone a day without talking to each other. I know he has a reason to be upset but I just want my best friend back.

"Ah fuck Cam, I can't." I sit back down, leaning against the headboard.

"Where's it hurt?" She asks. Her eyes glance down to my hands which hover over one side of my body. "Your appendix maybe? Here, I'll drive you to the ER."

Cam helps me up and I slide my arms around her, struggling to stand up. "Babe, don't freak out. But you're bleeding," she says. I look down to see blood.

"Cam, call 911," is the last thing I say before everything goes black.

❤︎

I've been in the hospital for about two hours. Cam left about an hour ago, her parents came home early from their trip and found out we drank their alcohol.

Right now a needle runs up my inner left elbow, an IV attached to the tube. I lay down staring at the ceiling. I needed surgery, if you could even call it that. It was a 15 minute procedure, meds and me bleeding. Don't forget the many tests afterwards.

Dilation and curettage is what the procedure is called. It's when they remove tissue from the lining of your uterus. It's used for abortion but also after some miscarriages to remove any left over tissue.

Unfortunately for me, I'm in the miscarriage boat.

And I feel empty.

I'm pro-choice of course, but if I personally were to get pregnant I would want to keep him or her. The thing that hurts the most is it's my fault for losing my child. I didn't realize I missed two periods, I kept drinking and doing harmful things to my body. I kept having sex with Grey without protection and assumed Plan B would work each time. I never thought about taking a pregnancy test just to double check.

A pregnancy test could've helped me avoid this. But I was stupid. I didn't pay attention. I missed all the signs. I've had a lot of time to think. My morning sickness I took for being hungover or stressed. My mood swings and tender breasts I took for my menstrual cycle that would be coming soon.

I never thought I would get pregnant even though every time I had sex with Grey, my chances increased.

Cam left before I could even tell her.

I hear a knock on my door and look to my left. Mom and Eloise both walk in spreading a smile to my face. "Harley!" Elle runs over to my side of the bed.

I reach down to lift her but I have no energy left. Instead my mom helps, placing her on the bed next to me. "Thanks," I smile. She places the flowers in her hand on the bedside table.

"Your father is working," she says softly. She brings a chair close to me. "Can I ask what happened?" Because I'm 18 the doctors legally aren't allowed to tell them.