outerbanks imagines.

affairs- jj (pt1)

{this imagine is a bit full & long so i had to split it into two parts.
i also had to come up with a filler name for some characters bc they were too relevant to not have one,
so if you wish to replace it that's okay too!
it's just a random name.
anyways,
i hope you enjoy <33}

i've always been a woman of good faith.
there isn't much in life that i can't handle by the simple repetition of,
"everything happens for a reason."
but when i met jj maybank,
i couldn't understand the reasoning behind our twisted, seemingly cruel affair.
but despite my choice of words,
i know that the love jj and i shared that summer will last forever,
so long as we kept the memories alive inside of us.
it poured from our souls and left us barren with one another,
but with a gentle kiss to his cheek or a lingering gaze from him,
we planted new seeds to rebirth everything we'd ruined.
jj and i were addicting;
a love you cannot escape.
when i laid in bed to forget all the sins corrupting my soul,
i would remember his touch to my skin and forget all that i'd been worried for.
jj and i's meeting had seemed to be accidental;
our paths were never meant to cross.
he was headed for a future i had no part in and my life was set.
but when his lips touched mine for the very first time,
i wondered how i'd gone this long without him.
the first time i saw jj maybank,
i was sitting at my dinner table and focused on the school work before me.
the sunlight caught his hair and turned it an almost blinding blonde,
which left me to admire it from afar.
i took note of him,
but merely returned to my work and minded my business.
i didn't anticipate seeing him again the next day.
i'd been checking the mail,
fumbling through envelopes and magazines when i heard a scream echoing from across the street.
it made my skin crawl.
in a blinded moment,
letting my mind wander and create worst case scenarios,
i crossed the street without a bit of care.
then the squealing of tires caught my attention.
i was now inches away from being crushed;
staring down the intimidating front grill of a car.
"what the hell?!"
the boy exclaimed,
stressing every syllable in his sentence to express his anger.
it was him,
the blonde haired boy from yesterday.
his piercing blue eyes made my heart stutter but i pushed through my dry tongue to say,
"sorry."
"oh, she's sorry! what are you doing in the middle of the road?"
i tucked the mail under my arm and answered,
"i heard someone scream."
his eyebrows furrowed together.
"like, i'm having fun kind of scream or...?"
the question was left open in the air.
"like bloody murder scream,"
i answered.
the boy who was currently unnamed stepped out of his car and trailed up to where i'd been close to reaching.
his stature was what i focused on.
he was taller than i thought he'd be.
then he turned back around and with an eye roll and relayed the news,
"just some kids."
relief flooded me.
i let out a laugh that seemed to be full of air,
and doubled over with my hands on my knees.
when i stood back upright,
his eyes were narrowed and not entertained.
"sorry. it was an accident,"
i defended.
"thanks for checking it out though. and...and not running me over."
"yeah, well, no promises next time,"
he called while climbing back into his car.
before he drove off,
he eyed me carefully then said,
"i'm jj maybank."
"y/n l/n,"
i returned.
he smiled at this.
"yeah, i know who you are."
before i could reply,
he's driving down the street and disappearing from my line of sight
when i was back in the house,
still winded by the strange interaction,
i took to checking my phone.
there laid two missed calls from my boyfriend,
nick larson.
when i called back,
the phone only rang twice before his worrisome voice came through.
"y/n?"
"hey. sorry i didn't answer, i was...it's a long story."
he only laughed.
"alright then. i'm almost there, just wanted to let you know."
"yeah. the doors unlocked."
the conversation ended quickly after that.
i sat myself back down and decided to come back to studying,
telling myself that the content was well enough in my skull for tomorrow.
one more exam and i'd be out for the summer.
the thought of it made my blood hum.
hot air sweet with the scent of tanning oils,
long nights where the songs of the cicadas can be heard,
fun that never seems to end.
summer in the outerbanks was what made life worth living.
"hey."
nick smiled upon his entry.
i return it and stand to hug him,
like we often do in our greeting,
and feel his lips brush my head to press a kiss there.
in his hand,
are flowers wrapped in a cellophane packaging.
"brought these for you,"
he says while lying them in my grasp.
"you're too kind."
"anything for you."
i stand on the tips of my toes to give his cheek a kiss.
nick turns coy when it comes to affection.
it's one of the many qualities of his that i adore.
nick is safe.
nick makes me comfortable.
nick is the kind of guy you stumble across in high school then marry when you've both completed college.
he often speaks of a future that details us and a few children.
though when he speaks like this,
i can't help but feel a bit suffocated.
as though the life he wishes to lead is imprisonment for me.
and i notice the way he speaks of me as a wife,
but never him as a husband.
these thoughts are hurling at me so i quickly stifle them.
"i came to talk to you about something,"
he then announces,
breaking the silence between us.
we sit on the couch before he continues.
"i'm leaving for the summer."
my mouth falls agape.
nick and i have spent every summer together since getting together freshman year.
now that our graduation was approaching,
nick was getting his future in line;
he'd work for the best law firm in the state,
and i'd head to college to maybe find a passion.
"why?"
"internship up north for a firm. it'll be good for us!"
my lips spread into a genuine smile at this information.
the way he speaks of us,
despite the slight dread solidifying inside of me,
makes my heart flutter and i reach for his hand.
"i'm proud of you. why didn't you tell me you got it sooner?"
"i wanted to be sure. i just found out yesterday that i'm actually leaving."
i stare into his honeyed eyes and find comfort there.
how could i ever feel indifference towards such a gentle soul?
"i'll miss you. the first summer apart."
nick's lips turn into a soft frown.
"i know. it'll be hard without you."
"we'll make it work. besides, it's only for the summer."
he's reassured by my words and leans in for a kiss.
an easy, light kiss to my lips.
i love nick,
i do.
which is why i hate myself for wishing there was something more.
***
i kissed nick goodbye several hours ago.
his flight boarded so early in the morning,
that my eyes were still half closed during our departure.
now here i am,
bored and alone for the very first day of summer.
at least i passed my exam.
i thought proudly.
i detoured to the farmers market taking place in the center of the park.
with it being so early,
i figured i might have a shot at finally buying the rhubarb soap i've grown to love.
when i arrive to the stand,
i grab the bar of soap and smile lightly.
its the simple things.
"well, if it isn't ms sunshine."
i turn to see jj maybank hovering over the stand next to me,
the one selling knives made with wooden handles.
"ms sunshine? what's that about?"
"look at you. you're all happy and smiles every time i see you."
my eyebrow quirked up at this.
"you've only seen me, like, three times."
at the reminder,
i realized how strange it was that for the third day in a row,
i stumbled across the same boy.
the outerbanks was small,
but not this small.
he shrugged.
"yeah, well, still."
"was i smiling real wide when i thought someone in the neighborhood got murdered?"
i joked,
earning a laugh from him.
"maybe a little. you had a crazed look in your eyes."
i giggled myself and realized how foreign it sounded.
i didn't know what i was doing.
this interaction felt strange,
but who was i to deny the causal conversation of a local?
"says the one buying a knife."
"not buying, scouring."
jj threw me a lopsided grin that made my cheeks cover in blush.
i couldn't explain it,
but i found a bit of entertainment in it.
jj and i smiled at one another for a second longer,
letting whatever static in the air between us pass.
i adored the way his lips turned up to create creases in his cheeks.
or the way his eyes shined beneath the sun to create an array of ocean blue;
i felt cooled by his mere stare.
i quickly snapped out of this and buried my head in the bars of soap in front of me,
calming my racing heart and swallowing the disgust with myself.
i should have never gotten past hello with him.
"hey, hon."
from my peripheral,
i saw a brunette girl with legs longer than i could ever hope to acquire press her lips to jj's.
it was the kind of sultry kiss that appeared in adult movies;
often followed my parents shielding hands to my innocent eyes.
i couldn't figure out why there was such disappointment settling inside of me.
i hurriedly bought my soap and waved goodbye,
desperate to get away from this emotional turmoil and grossly scene of PDA.
i was stopped by the calling of my name.
"are you free tonight?"
i swallowed hard,
getting ready to spew the rehearsed words of,
"i have a boyfriend."
jj smiled and nodded.
"great. bring him along. my...my girlfriend will be there too."
the word of such definition sounded faux against his tongue;
commitment was clearly not his favorite.
i soon nodded and thanked him for his invitation,
then headed back home.
my head was pulsating from his determined stare.
the way it sank through me as though he could view past my flesh and see the racing heart that fluttered in his presence.
surely,
i was letting the fear of my future get to me.
why else would i act this way?
i feared marriage with nick,
i feared the white picket fence with children,
i feared the boring nine to five job.
i really feared simplicity;
a life i did not want to lead.
did i imagine jj offering something more?
the new nature of his being was clear to me.
why did i want to take advantage of it so badly?
i called sarah cameron as soon as i got inside the car.
what was i doing?
no,
i didn't want to go to this party.
surely nothing good would come out of it.
i barely know jj and yet,
i find myself paving way to see him again.
i blamed my need for partying on the absence of my boyfriend and say i need plans.
"hey!"
sarah cheered on the other end.
"hey, are you busy tonight?"
"god, no. not at all. please tell me we're making plans?"
"party?"
"y/n l/n, you're a lifesaver."
i smiled at her tone of approval,
though i couldn't bury this shame rising inside of me.
i hated how excited i was.