outerbanks imagines.

misunderstandings-john b

"tell me i'm jumping to conclusions. tell me you didn't kiss her."
my eyes were watering when the words left my lips.
if john b confirmed these worries of mine,
i don't think i'd ever be the same again.
john b stood in silence,
eyes growing pitiful at my exhaustion.
the lack of words were all i needed to know.
i let out a dry sob and threw the beer can currently in my hand towards him.
i watched in muted satisfaction as his collided with his chest.
"oh, my god! i hate you!"
i yelled with a quiver to my tone.
everyone currently in the house directed their attention towards us.
i knew,
rationally,
that i should have pulled john b aside and talked this through.
but this anger curling inside of me was too raw to be caged any longer.
after i was finished spitting spiteful words at john b,
i up and left the house without a second glance back.
i slammed my car door when i was completely inside and stared at my steering wheel.
i could only hear the sounds of my ragged breathing and splintering heart.
i gripped the steering wheel tightly until i watched the blood disappear from my knuckles,
leaving them white.
my anger ebbed away until i was left with the sadness i'd been trying to avoid.
my forehead rested against the steering wheel while i began to cry out.
how could john b have done something like that to me?
he betrayed my trust,
embarrassed me,
took the love we created and tossed it as though it meant nothing to him.
how could i ever get over this simple traitorous act?
i heard the opening of my car door and looked to see kie climbing in.
the look in her eyes,
full of sympathy,
suddenly fell over me in comfort.
"oh, kie,"
i murmured with a soft cry.
she reached over for me and laid my head to her shoulder,
giving my arm supportive strokes to ease my pain.
"how could he do that to me?"
"i don't know, y/n. i don't. this isn't like john b at all. sarah cameron on the other hand...this sounds like something she'd do..."
i couldn't blame sarah for the entirety of the situation,
no matter how much easier it would make this.
john b indulged in the act just as much as sarah cameron did.
they were made for one another,
the sickos.
kie decided to go home with me that night.
i needed a friend and she was perfectly available.
though,
i think both of us rather missed our girl time too.
we would go to spend all night binging movies and making each other laugh,
despite the circumstances surrounding us.
it was a nice distraction.
"let's watch this!"
kie then suggested with an eager smile,
clicking onto the channel currently showing a movie.
when it rang as recognition,
my heart quickly sank.
i tried to shake away the thoughts begging to be pulled up from the depths of my memory,
but they surfaced nonetheless.
i felt the swelling of the knot in my throat and there began the tears.
this caught kie's attention,
causing her once excited mood to fall.
between this turmoil of ache and pain inside of me,
i began to feel guilt for bringing kie down with me.
"y/n? what happened?"
how could i explain that the movie tied to such a trivial, yet pinnacle, point in john b and i's relationship.
our very first date together had been over that movie.
i could still feel the autumn air against my skin as i remembered it now.
"y/n?"
"john b and i went to the drive-in to see that on our first date."
"oh. we can just watch something else, no worries."
i nodded my head and watched as she flipped through other channels to find something else to hold our attention.
but my distraction had been interrupted and all that i was evading rushed back to me.
"i just don't get it,"
i mumbled to myself more than anyone.
"he just told me he loved me...how could he do that to me?"
***
the next few days ticked by slowly.
i didn't think i'd make it through the week with how long it felt.
though i should count my blessings.
kie hadn't left my side since that very night.
she would go to work and return after her shift with a plate of food in hand.
bless her sweet soul.
she never passed judgement even when i swerved from messy sobbing to hurtling anger.
she held me when i needed to be held,
and she yelled with me when i needed to yell.
she also hid my phone from me when i began typing a message to send john b,
whether it was begging him for an explanation or cursing him something serious.
"i haven't said it enough. but, thank you for being here, kie."
kie passed me the tray of food and gave me a smile.
"of course."
we ate in comfortable silence until she spoke up,
saying,
"there's a kegger tonight. if you wanna go, no pressure."
i swallowed the last bit of my food and tried to ignore the pounding nerves in my chest.
would it be a smart move?
would venturing out to see everyone after our public breakup be wise?
what if he was there with her?
the idea made me nauseous.
which made it all the more enticing to go.
why should i have to hole myself up to avoid the viper who sank his fangs into another's?
"yeah. yeah let's go."
kie clapped her hands in excitement of my answer.
she sprang from my bed and into my closet,
where she would begin to choose an outfit for the upcoming night.
when she slipped into the clothes,
she came out of my closet sashaying with a smile.
"tell me, y/n, how good do i look?"
i giggled at her tone of superficial bragging then said,
"i don't think miss north carolina has a thing on you."
kie threw her head back in a laugh then began fixing her outfit to better fit her taste.
when she was finished,
she turned and aimed an excited finger towards me.
"now for you."
i joined her in the closet and sought through my clothes,
when we both decided to wear the one outfit that would remind everyone that john b was a great fool for ever losing me.
kie nodded her head encouragingly when i showed her.
"oh yeah. that's the one."
we skipped our way to her car and headed to the beach,
finding that adrenaline soared through our veins in anticipation for the evening ahead.
when we arrived to the beach,
we crowded around the group of kids and traded greetings.
suddenly,
my eyes set on john b who was just a few meters away from where i stood.
i couldn't tell if he was avoiding my gaze or was unaware of my arrival.
in order to fill my drink,
it would mean making myself known in his company.
i pushed through the anxiety furling inside of me and made my way through.
i felt his presence lingering immediately.
"y/n,"
he said with a tone of surprise.
"what are you doing here?"
the question was him being more startled that i showed up rather than worried i'd see something i wasn't supposed to.
i stopped myself from scoffing at this.
i shouldn't have to mope around anymore.
"getting beer."
was all i could muster out,
pointing to the keg he leaned on.
john b quickly offered to fill my cup,
though i didn't think i had much of a choice in the matter.
i turned on my feet as soon as the cup was back in my company,
leaving him behind with the unspoken words begging to be heard from the both of us.
i returned back to my spot with kie where i began dancing around with her to shake off my nerves.
we were in the midst of a laughing fit when she abruptly stopped.
"what is she doing here?"
kie asked,
the anger seeping through her words.
my gaze followed kie's and fell to sarah cameron.
my smiled dropped quickly,
but i hurried to replace it.
i wondered if it looked at faux as it felt.
i sipped from my cup and shrugged my shoulders.
"don't know, don't care."
kie heard my words but was still upset that she'd show her face on this side of town.
i didn't want to care.
i would do anything necessary to not care.
i forced myself to forget of sarah's existence and enjoyed this party.
after that,
the rest of the night went smoothly.
i stayed out of john b's way,
and he stayed out of mine.
though i found myself searching for him out of habit, i would force myself to stop and return to the scene before me.
i would be lying if i said that seeing him avoid sarah cameron didn't spark a sense of gratification inside of me,
no matter how irrational it was.
hours passed through and soon enough,
the party had died down to just a few stragglers.
the rest of the pogues were still around,
all except for john b.
i walked up to pope who was laying down on the sand,
staring at the stars,
and sat beside him.
"hey,"
i greeted.
he turned to me with a genial smile.
"hey, you. haven't seen you around much."
"i know. i've been growing accustomed to...you know."
"yeah,"
he said with a tone of understanding.
"i know."
i scratched my neck and tried to look around and see where john b currently sat.
despite our rough period right now,
i still cared for his safety.
"he's up there,"
pope said,
pointing to the deck where i saw john b's silhouette sulking.
i laughed at how easy it was to read through me then gave pope a thankful pat.
i slowly made my way over to where john b was,
finding that the consumption of alcohol put some courage into me.
"hey,"
i mumbled now that i was in earshot.
he turned around,
his spirits brightening until he remembered all that happened;
it seemed he was having as much of an issue with this as me.
"hey,"
he returned.
i sat beside him and watched my feet swing off the dock.
"you doing okay, jb?"
john b pulled the cup away from his lips and scoffed at my question.
"like you care."
"you don't get to do that, john b. you don't. i do care about you and i always will."
"you broke my heart, y/n."
i listened as his tone fell to nearly a whisper.
"you broke my heart."
my mouth nearly fell agape at this accusation.
"seriously? you cheated!"
"i didn't cheat on you, y/n!"
he exclaimed.
i could see his frustration growing by the second.
"then, please, enlighten me. because when i asked you what happened the other night you sat there and looked at me like i was stupid!"
"she kissed me! she kissed me. i didn't actively pursue her, y/n. i didn't go in to kiss her, i didn't make her think she should kiss me, i didn't kiss back. she just kissed me."
"you..you didn't kiss her back?"
"no, i didn't. and i don't want to kiss anyone ever,
y/n, if it's not you. i want you y/n, i'll always choose you. i don't know why it's so hard for you to believe that."
my head was beginning to ache at this.
i rubbed my temples,
let out a soft sigh,
then dropped my hands to face him again.
"why didn't you say any of this the other night?"
i felt a little foolish as i recalled the very night.
i had yelled words of offense that were hardly necessary now that i knew everything.
"i was drunk...and it was hard to do when you were yelling and throwing cans at me. i didn't think we could ever hurt one another like that..."
"i'm sorry..for saying all that i said. i was rash and hurt. i didn't know what else to do."
john b finally faced me for the first time tonight.
"i guess i deserved it. i didn't really say much when you asked, i think i might've done the same. just with less....assault."
we laughed at this together.
it felt nice to joke with him after so long of being departed in ache.
"i'm sorry if i ever made you think i'd ever want someone else. you'll always be the one my heart seeks."
he laid a hand flat to his chest,
right over where i knew his heart beat.
"and i'm sorry for not telling you about sarah. you're the most understanding person to ever touch this island, i was stupid to think you'd hate me for what sarah did."
i leaned my head on his shoulder.
"i don't know, john b. but i do know that i love you so much, it sometimes hurts."
he placed a kiss on the top of my head and pulled me closer to him.
"i love you too. i always will."
i looked up at him and felt his palm mold itself around my cheek,
placing gentle caresses to the skin there.
"i'll never let a misunderstanding like this take you away from me again. i'll fight until my bones are bare if it means having you."
i felt my smile widen at his words.
i loved him with the entirety of my existence.
how could i deny such enamor?
we met in the middle to share an overdue kiss that would mend the broken parts of us together again.
it felt good to be back where i was meant to be;
i was home,
right here in john b's embrace.
"about time! i was getting tired of hearing her cry."
john b and i turned our heads to see kie standing behind us with a grin at our interactions.
we all laughed and suddenly,
the world was anew.