outerbanks imagines.

fake lives, boat rides-jj

at a young age,
y/n l/n found herself lost in the sea of people who were far greater than she could ever imagine herself to be.
her futile life was nothing compared to the dazzling lives of her friends with their glittering jewels, spotless homes, shining cars.
then she found that with the right words twisted in the right sequence,
she could create a fabrication of a grander life.
and nobody would have an inkling of the truth.
y/n knows what this may sound like,
like she is a deceiver who builds cities of lies to fuel her wishes of acceptance.
but the truth is,
she is just a girl looking for somewhere to belong.
and if that means creating a life,
a personality,
to satisfy those she seeks validation from,
then that is what she'll do;
an idyllic life conjured through careful words.
"isn't that what life's all about? trips to greece and sipping on fine wine?"
y/n looks up from her lap to see the friend sitting across from her,
her skin a bronze glory in honor of her island trip.
"definitely. a trip heals everything just right,"
y/n agrees with a smile.
she has never been out of the state,
much less to the greece,
but trips are something she is familiar with.
y/n and her mother used to load their old car up high with blankets and snacks to take to the mountains,
where they enjoyed an evening of picnics, sunsets, and laughter.
her father stored his truck, that had been baked beneath the sun accompanied with peeling paint,
up with fishing gear and kept her at bay on the lake for so long,
that she could still feel the gentle sway of the boat as she laid to sleep those nights.
so no,
while she does not know what it means to venture to an island of beauty and sip your problems away on expensive, but delicious, wine,
y/n knows for certain that trips to places of peace are soothing;
a small fib for her friends appeal.
"can't wait to go back. hey! maybe next summer, you can come with! wouldn't that be fun?"
"oh, absolutely!"
she smiles at y/n's easy agreeing then leans back into the seat with a sigh.
"though, i'm sure you've seen enough of greece."
"impossible. i can't get enough of it,"
y/n replies.
the girl across from her,
the ignorant friend,
laughs in agreement.
"so true."
y/n has to hide her grimace at this statement.
it's anything but true,
and in knowing this she feels like a fraud.
she turns her head away from her friend and finds greater interest in the passing traffic.
the diner the two are in is supposed to feel vintage and calming,
but it only feels stuffy in here to claustrophobic y/n.
despite the selling image of its pastime,
it's overpriced and dramatic like everything else this side of the island acquires.
y/n's kept her order to a minimum,
a water and a simple basket of fries,
because she fears anything else might bankrupt her.
"so, what's on the agenda for today? wanna go shopping?"
y/n's had enough of pretending for today.
she's finding that in recent times,
she is burning out.
her mask is slipping and she worries she'll be found out.
"mm, probably not today. i've got homework to do."
this isn't a lie.
y/n is still a high school student who passes time with homework and studying.
"ugh. you're too smart,"
her friend teases.
"i'll catch up with you later?"
"absolutely."
the two stand to hug goodbye.
y/n is met with her perfume that even smells expensive.
she lets the possibility of its price gather in her head the longer it remains in her lungs.
she walks home with hot shame blooming inside her chest.
one would think after so many years of keeping this loose life going,
that y/n would be used to it by now.
but it seems the longer she goes,
the more these white lies stain her lips,
the stronger her friendships become,
the more aggressive this regret becomes.
she also finds that she is losing herself too.
her true, authentic self.
and what is she meant to do then?
she has trapped herself in these web of lies that she has been spinning since her tongue could curl with falsities.
she is prey,
waiting for the moment the predator sinks it's teeth into her exposed neck.
she doesn't want to think about what will happen then.
***
"ma'am? you're in my way."
y/n's conversation is interrupted by the appearance of this voice.
jj maybank is standing behind her with his hands pulling on his book bag straps.
his hat is resting on his head,
the bill facing backwards,
and a smile painted on his lips.
"sorry?"
"my locker. you're leaning on it."
she turns to check the number of this metal locker she's currently resting on,
but it's the same number as it was when she arrived here just minutes prior.
"sorry, no. this one's mine."
"oh,"
he says.
jj seems genuinely confused by this.
says a lot about his attendance,
she thinks.
"gonna be honest. i'm looking for a locker that belongs to my friend. got something of mine in there and i need it. bad."
y/n turns her eyes to her friend who only raises her eyebrows in confusion.
her friend hurries to say goodbye,
leaving y/n alone with this enigma of a man.
great. thanks.
"your friend?"
"rafe cameron?"
does he think her a fool?
y/n laughs unexpectedly in his face.
"if you're going to lie, at least make it something believable. you and rafe's issues are so thick, it's nearly tangible."
jj rolls his eyes then groans.
"are you going to help me or not?"
"depends. what's in it for me?"
she crosses her arms with a grin.
he seems to take to this;
he returns the grin with ease.
before he answers,
the bell dismissing the students to class rings out overhead.
the pair seem to stand still now,
waiting for the other one to move,
but neither of them so much as blink.
when he realizes she has stayed,
he speaks,
"a personal favor from jj, whenever you may ask."
"your word is pretty unreliable. i'm gonna need something more...foolproof."
jj chuckles at this.
y/n can't help but to do the same.
the oddness of this very conversation is excitement enough.
she wants to see how far she can push it.
"handshake? hand over my heart?"
"mm, both."
jj makes a show of standing up straight and resting his palm to his heart.
he takes on the voice military men might use then says,
"i swear one good favor to you, mrs...?"
"y/n. y/n l/n."
jj nods and continues,
"mrs l/n. redeem at any time you wish!"
he now extends his hand and waits for y/n's.
"the jj maybank guarantee. good enough?"
she takes his hand into her own and gives it one firm shake.
she doesn't realize how soft his hands are until they're out of her reach.
"wow. you must be pretty desperate for this locker."
"desperate is the wrong word. more like...really, really needing help."
she giggles with the raise of her eyebrows.
"and another word for that would be...?"
"oh, whatever. you kooks are so anal. please just help me."
y/n nods and walks down two sets of lockers before they reach rafe's.
"you don't...happen to have the combination, do you?"
her eyes widen.
"how were you planning to get in here in the first place?"
"i dunno. got a crowbar in my truck."
y/n doesn't reply.
instead,
she turns on her heels and enters the combination with a heavy sigh.
she is not sure why she is doing this,
considering the sound of the locker popping open sounds like the echo of betrayal;
my betrayal.
"oh, yeah,"
jj says with a sigh of relief.
"you're a life saver. thank you, y/n!"
again,
y/n is silent.
she goes to walk away and leave behind this scene she's drawn herself into,
solely for the purpose of amusement,
but she's named herself an accomplice to whatever twisted plan jj has made.
before she's completely out of sight,
he calls after her.
"yeah?"
she replies.
"why'd you do it? help me, i mean?"
she doesn't have an answer good enough to be spoken aloud.
so she settles for,
"so i can cash in on that favor you've promised."
he smiles at this.
"kooks. will never understand 'em."
"just...don't hurt anyone, will you? don't wanna be an accessory to any crimes."
jj holds his right hand up in the air,
regaining that pretend, rigid posture,
and swears,
"no crimes will be committed, ma'am."
"thank you."
he nods in welcoming and this time,
he doesn't stop y/n when she leaves.
why did she help him?
she doesn't have an explanation good enough.
the truth though?
jj and y/n are both from the cut;
two impoverished children forced to live in squander
it's law to help one another out.
***
it isn't the usual ringing of the alarm that wakes y/n l/n today.
instead,
she is met with sounds of jovial cheering that is annoyingly incessant.
though it sounds like it's in good fun,
it's wildly irritating.
it is also four o'clock in the morning.
she is full of ire.
y/n peers from behind her blinds,
expecting some drunken adults who might have spent their thursday night lost in the nearby club,
but instead she sees teenagers.
from where she stands,
they look almost a bit younger than her.
she swallows her reserve for conflict and wears the mask she knows so well.
with a surge of confidence,
y/n leans out the window to yell,
"shut the hell up! it's four am!"
she can hear their laughter,
and it bruises her pride for a second.
until she meet the eyes of one drunken teenager in particular.
y/n has greatly miscalculated.
these were not some sophomores who had gotten away with drinking,
or freshman who were inhaling the night air on an adrenaline rush.
jj maybank is looking directly at her with a twinkle of surprise in his eyes and a sickening grin.
her words dry in her mouth and suddenly,
she feels the urge to shrink into herself and hopefully disappear.
she has made it this far without being seen.
and now,
she's exposed herself all in a moments rage.
he brings two fingers to his brow bone and salutes.
"anything for you, ma'am."
y/n hurries to shut her window again.
she finds refuge beneath the covers.
as though it might make her invisible forever.
she knows this isn't true.
like most of the things she tells herself or says aloud,
it is not true.
tomorrow y/n will have to face the inevitable.