outerbanks imagines.

wounded bird syndrome-rafe cameron (pt2)

{tw: mentions of abuse}

the first time y/n l/n saw rafe cameron angry,
she nearly suffocated on her own tears.
rafe had tried so hard to bottle it up,
to prevent it from spilling over,
to prevent such a blowup,
but some things are not susceptible to change.
neither of them can quite remember what it was that caused their argument,
but what rafe does remember is the trembling in
y/n's body,
the tears spilling over to collect at her chin,
the sound of raw fear in her voice.
he'll be scarred with that image forever.
he was meant to protect y/n,
to wean her away from such monstrosities,
but he seemed to become the wolf in sheep's clothing.
when he realized y/n was beside herself with anxiety,
all of rafe's anger ebbed away to be replaced with guilty worry.
"i'm so sorry, y/n. i didn't mean to yell,"
he hurried to say.
y/n tried to speak but the knot in her throat prevented her from doing so.
it wasn't that she was scared of rafe or feared he would ever hurt her.
in fact,
she'd never felt so protected before.
it was just the rise in his voice,
the way it carried in the room to reverberate in her always on edge mind,
it reminded her of her father.
how he'd rise with anger,
bellow at her for being the way she was,
always followed by a strike.
she had no reason or evidence to believe rafe would ever hit her,
her body just reacted before she could stop it.
"i'm sorry,"
he repeated while taking the shape of her face into his hands.
"you didn't deserve that."
y/n watched as his own tears began to rise,
brought forth by the fear of having scared her away.
rafe worried he was in the gallows now,
and rightfully so.
he waited painfully for the words to come:
"you're crazy and i never want to see you again."
instead,
y/n let herself become reassured by his tender hold on her.
it was the kind of embrace that could not be faked,
it allowed all her greatest fears to be whisked away.
she was comforted.
so when she could steadily breathe again,
and rafe was still kneeled in front of her in patient waiting,
y/n wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him in for a hug.
it hadn't been what he was expecting,
but it was everything he needed.
she was trying to patch up the holes in his torn apart heart by enveloping him.
then for the first time since his childhood,
rafe cameron cried.
"why did you yell?"
y/n asked through a small whisper.
he closed his eyes against her chest,
let the words of care settle,
then answered,
"i can't figure out how to express my anger. it..it always comes out like this."
y/n nodded then ran her fingers through his hair.
"are you still angry?"
"no."
"what changed?"
rafe pulled back to wipe away the remainder of y/n's tears while she did the same for him.
the actions brought small smiles to their lips.
"i realized how scared and upset you were. i never meant to scare you. y/n, ever. i'm sorry. i'll be sorry forever."
she took in a deep breath,
let her hands trail down the length of his neck and stop at his shoulders.
"lesson one to combat your anger: don't let it bottle up. talk to me, please."
rafe couldn't help but to laugh at the way y/n had thrown his words back at him,
though tuned to better fit the situation at hand.
y/n, too, found herself giggling until her stomach was tight and begging for a pause.
then rafe nodded in agreement and said,
"i'll never let it happen again."

and his word was true.
they stand together now in the darkened bedroom of rafe's home,
where he paces in unbridled rage.
though by the delicate hands of his lover,
it seems to be tamed.
y/n calls and his body responds in which way she asks.
he's glad for it.
"what happened?"
she asks through the sleep in her voice.
rafe had called her and asked to come see her,
but she quickly deflected and said she'd be on her way.
rafe doesn't ask and y/n doesn't tell.
so now she's holding him and asking to make himself vulnerable again.
he doesn't mind it so much anymore.
"he's just-he's such an asshole, y/n,"
rafe groans in reference to his own frustrating father.
"did you two argue?"
he nods in reply.
she lets the calming sway of her fingertips glide up and down his back,
not stopping until his breath returns to normal.
"you are not anything your father says you are. we are all riddled with our own problems and he thinks he's the exception. he's not. if anything, i'd say he's in desperate need of psychological help."
rafe takes in a deep breath and nods in agreement.
"that's for sure."
y/n hates seeing rafe brought to such sorrow by his fathers wicked tongue.
she hasn't been around for the first half of rafe's life,
but she knows enough to say his father is a textbook example of projection.
and can't his father see?
he's becoming such an amazing man!
look at the shine in his eyes,
the glow in his skin,
the calm in his voice.
y/n has seen his growth and it's only the beginning.
"well, for what its worth, i admire you. greatly. anything he says to try and belittle your progress is a damned lie. you're a good man, rafe."
rafe can't tell if it's the weight of her words or the caress to his cheek that sends chills down his spine.
maybe both.
he feels himself become a little lighter beneath her validation,
but it's not enough to battle this self doubt.
not yet.
"i don't know, y/n. i don't think i'm any good."
the confession comes out in a whisper so light,
y/n might've missed it had she not trained her ears.
she picks his head up from out of his hands,
kisses the center of his forehead,
and says,
"you don't think? look at how you're reacting right now. wouldn't the old you have-have punched a hole in the wall or something wild like that?"
rafe laughs softly then nods in reply.
"exactly. but you sat here and talked to me about it. there was no yelling, no fights, no holes in the wall. just you and your words."
"because you're here,"
he explains while wrapping a grateful arm around her shoulder to enclose her against his chest.
she rests there with loving eyes still on him.
"you had it in you all along. i just simply pulled it out from you."
"yeah?"
y/n nods when saying,
"yeah."
he leans down close enough for their lips to meet.
everything in his life,
no matter how painful it was to experience,
seems well worth it now.
it was what eventually lead him to this divinity of a lover.
"you've healed me, y/n."
the words are meant to be light jest,
though they are true.
y/n still soaks in the remnants of it.
all the times she vowed to fix and never could,
all the people who pushed her away when reaching this stage,
every error she faced,
and now she has done all that she wanted to do:
help.
y/n feels euphoric.
how the man she's helping to find self worth and happiness is,
for once,
pulling her closer into him rather than away.
and it seems he's had quite the healing effect on her too.
there are no more days where she awakens in disappointment to lead another day.
there is no more weight on her chest keeping her down and drowning.
neither of them are broken,
in need of fixing.
she's gotten it all wrong.
this is release.
this is healing.
she is free.
she is alive.
"i love you,"
y/n admits for the first time in their relationship.
she says it through breaths that have been stolen by rafe's influential kisses and the realization that she's found where she belongs.
rafe pauses kissing her long enough to let her admission tattoo itself across his heart;
it's forever yours.
he doesn't waste any time saying the truth,
"i love you. i'm so glad we found each other."
y/n has never experienced pleasure that wasn't demanded or expected.
until now.
rafe has devoted himself to her and seals this promise by entwining their souls as one.
through wrinkled sheets that will drape over their marbled bodies,
and cries of pleasure that are muffled by lips on lips,
they become one.
***
"do you even know what you're doing?"
"obviously, y/n, i've taken sophomore english class."
y/n relaxes back into rafe's passenger seat with a giggle.
"okay, okay. sorry."
"it's...seven, five, seven...right?"
she raises her eyebrows and lets out half a laugh.
"a haiku? seven, five, seven?"
rafe can tell by her look that she's on the edge of mocking him,
meaning he's gotten it very wrong.
so he throws his hand through the air and playfully smacks his teeth.
"yeah, yeah, whatever."
"are you sure you passed sophomore english class?"
he rolls his eyes while y/n fills up the car with her heavenly laughter.
then she reaches for his hand,
threads it together with her own,
and calms down.
"no, no, you were close. five, seven, five.."
she falls silent for a moment then asks him,
"would you ever write a haiku?"
rafe turns completely towards her as he answers,
"for you? oh, y/n, absolutely."
a breath rushes from out his lungs while his twinkling eyes drink her in.
"i'd write anything for you. a million choruses, thousands of haikus, trillions of poems. i'd write 'em until my fingers fell off if that's what it took."
y/n blinks in what seems to be a drunken stupor.
she finds it surprising that someone could harbor so much love for her,
so pure and bright.
"too much?"
he asks,
taking their connected hands to pepper kisses against her knuckles.
y/n shakes her head and laughs off her rising nerves because rafe still makes her sheepish.
"just enough,"
she replies.
rafe hopes to always be just enough for her.
"just don't expect them to be any good because you'll be gravely disappointed."
y/n and rafe join each other in for a laugh that fills them up right to the brim.
it carries them throughout the night and only increases when they're meant to depart from one another.
rafe is parked by her house,
just a few houses down to avoid any peering eyes,
and has joined her in vigorous kisses alongside restless hands.
"i have to go,"
y/n whispers against the soft tissue of his neck,
resting gentle kisses there to remind him he is loved.
rafe lets his hands trail down her back and stop just at the small of her back when he says,
"what's five more minutes?"
y/n laughs just above her breath because it seems rafe has taken it from her again.
but soon she's forced to stumble out of his car with swollen lips and a stomach full of contentment.
she waves goodbye and nearly escapes until rafe brings her back by the gentle pull of her arm.
"i love you,"
he says as he kisses her temple.
"call me if you need anything, okay?"
y/n nods in understanding then pecks his lips.
"you, too. i love you. i'll see you soon."
rafe doesn't drive away until he sees she's in the house safely.
he hates to see her walk in to a house where she's in the company of someone unstable, someone who's brought her harm before.
rafe flinches at the taunting thoughts:
you're just like him.
what, did you think you escaped?
she could never love you.
he stops at the red light and begins to let these thoughts intrude.
until he remembers:
you're changing.
you're growing.
and it's all confirmed when his phone lights up beside him.
y/n has texted him saying: