outerbanks imagines.

sad days-pope

the boat moves beneath me in motions of back and forth as we slowly arrive closer to pope,
who is currently occupied with helping his father work.
"i can't. my pops got me on lockdown,"
pope explains upon our arrival.
"your dads a pussy, over."
jj jokes,
which makes john b and i snicker.
when pope's eyes lock with mine,
playfully warning me,
i stifle my laughter and say,
"please come hang out! for me?"
he groans into his hands when my words register.
then with a look both ways,
pope is cleared of his father and cleared to abandon his work.
so he does.
he hurriedly climbs into the boat and motions for jj to speed up his driving,
but he try as he might,
he is still caught in the act.
"-i hate your friends!"
his fathers voice calls.
pope leans into me while we both grimace.
"ugh, he's gonna kill me."
i kiss his cheek before saying,
"well, you'll surely be missed."
he mocks my laugh then says,
"your fault. you know i can't say no to you."
"not true. you said no to me yesterday."
"different story. i wasn't going to let you bring home a feral animal and get rabies."
i roll my eyes dramatically.
"come on. he was cute!"
"rabid animals are not cute. well...besides you, of course,"
he teases.
when i turn to him with a look of playful shock,
he imitates my face to sell the joke.
i lightly slap his chest which only sends us deeper into our own laughter.
"done flirting? good, 'cause i'm about to perform the greatest trick of all time!"
i give my attention to jj,
who is now balanced on the edge of this boat.
he's preparing to flip into the water around us,
but doing so drunkenly.
there is no stopping a determined, buzzed jj,
so we all sit and watch in amusement.
it's then i feel pope's eyes on me.
when i turn to meet them,
i see a deep sadness in them.
of course i've been pope sad before,
but never quite like this.
and seeing it in a time like this where fun is supposed to be prevalent,
it's rather jarring.
"are you okay?"
i ask with a small smile.
"you're not still...still stealing are you?"
i shake my head at his question.
"no. not since i got caught that one time."
pope nods then leans in to press a kiss to my lips.
it's all the reassurance we need to enjoy the rest of our day.
unfortunately,
we miss jj's stunt,
but we find greater entertainment in each other.
***
i lied.
guilt is eating me away at this,
but i lied.
i couldn't tell pope my kleptomaniac tendencies had returned by a tenfold.
i couldn't admit that i was still a thief.
would he still love me if i did confess?
unlikely.
i hate to be a liar,
especially to pope,
but more than anything i hate to disappoint him.
"and suddenly you can afford this?"
kie now questions as we strut through the shop well out of our price range.
i watch as she holds up a pair of fifty-five dollar sunglasses and shivers in disgust.
"five finger discount, love,"
i whisper with a giggle,
twirling my fingers through the air.
kie laughs into her hands then slips the very same pair of glasses she held into my bag.
we hurry out with laughter filling the air and an adrenaline burst flooding our veins.
when i notice the sun going down,
i know our place at the chateau is being anticipated.
"what would those boys do without us?"
i inquire,
looking over at kie who agrees.
i then feel my phone vibrate in my pocket where a text from pope rests.

"we need to talk. meet me at the dock."

"omw."

"yikes. sounds serious."
i look to see kie leaning over my shoulder and reading my texts.
i laugh with a shrug.
"doubt it,"
i begin to explain,
"he probably just found a new project to work on and wants to discuss it with me."
"ah, what a dork."
i give her arm a quick pat after this.
"hey! that's my boyfriend you're talking about,"
"like i could forget it. you two seriously need lessons on PDA intolerances."
i snicker into my hand at her words.
pope once told me he had trouble keeping his hands to himself when we began dating.
it was innocent,
saying he just needed to feel my existence entwine with his to remind him our love never faltered.
we had a firm belief in that.
we did.

"sorry i'm late! kie and i got distracted,"
i explain to pope as i arrive to the dock.
i grow worrisome now that i've gathered the scene before me:
his stance is still,
hardly moving an inch,
with an expression so blank,
and eyes that betray him by filling with tears and ache.
"hey. what's wrong?"
"did you lie to me?"
i knit my eyebrows together and reach for his hand.
"what?"
"did you lie to me? are you still stealing?"
"pope...we just talked about this. no,"
i lie,
though my heart grows solid and my tongue feels feverish.
"i'm not."
when he finally turns to face me,
i know i've been caught.
he knows.
"we can't be together anymore, y/n."
my body goes numb beneath these heavy words.
my heart sinks to the depths of my existence.
"w-what?"
pope doesn't reply,
he only keeps his angry, aching eyes trained on me.
"i'm sorry! i don't know why i keep doing it but please...don't do this."
i hate how desperate i sound.
but for pope,
it seems worth it.
i'd run to the ends of the earth if it meant being able to love him and be loved by him.
"my dads threatening to kick me out if i don't stop seeing you."
"...why?"
"because you're a bad influence. someone saw you stealing from the store today, y/n. they threatened to stop doing business with my dad and tell everyone to do the same because of it. you lied and nearly ran my father out of his only job! you ruined us!"
his voice is full of a sorrow i feel in my own chest.
how could i have been so selfish?
for a pair of sunglasses i may never wear?
i've thrown my entire future away for fifteen seconds of fun.
how i wish i could take it back.
"i'm so sorry, pope, i am. i'll-i'll stop this time. i swear it. i'll never do it again just...just be patient with me."
"i have been patient with you, but you lied to my
face time and time again. do you know how much that hurts? i can't risk it anymore. i need college and i can't...i can't throw it away."
i cup my mouth begging to release a string of sobs.
pope pulls me in for one last time,
kisses my forehead gingerly,
and whispers through a soft cry,
"i'm sorry. i love you...i really do."
anger suddenly takes over this melancholy burrowing inside of my chest.
i burst by saying,
"how can you say that?! you let your dad make all of your decisions for you! be your own man, why don't you? yeah, i lied. and i'm so damn sorry about it,
pope, i am. it's not okay. but if you love me like you say you do, you wouldn't be here right now breaking up with me."
"what don't you get?"
he asks in a voice that nearly sounds like pleading;
begging me to understand.
"i have no other choice, y/n. if i don't live there, i don't study or work like i need to. i cannot lose my scholarship. i need you to understand this. it's...it's for the best."
i watch in pure agony as a tear falls down his cheek.
i nearly reach up to wipe it away,
a habit i've picked up,
but i stop myself.
that's no longer my privilege.
"okay."
i've accepted defeat.
no amount of anger or desperation can change what's happening,
so i must accept it.
i have made my bed,
now it is time to rot in it.
pope leaves shortly after our conversation.
i now stand alone on the dock with a faraway look.
i stare at the night sky and feel myself become fragmented.
i thought not fighting would make this hurt a little less,
but somehow it only increases my anguish.
how might have things gone if i'd just fought a little harder for our love?
if i'd just promised to be different?
i never imagined pope and i ending this way.
i never imagined us ending at all.
this...
it's breaking my soul into two.
silence falls upon me.
pope will never hold me or speak words of care to me again.
i have to face the facts:
pope is no longer in my reach.
i am alone.