outerbanks imagines.

two different worlds(pt3)-topper

y/n l/n is trying.
she swears she is,
but sometimes it seems her best efforts aren't enough.
it poisons her dreams,
this damned conscious mind of hers.
just when she thinks she's okay,
that her heart has settled itself,
these palpable horrors tear her apart.
it's what wakes her up in the dead of the night,
when the cicadas have stopped their song,
when the moon is the only calming company in this room.
y/n's skin is becoming wet with perspiration,
brought forth by her dream.
she reaches for her throat and claws at it in hopes it will lessen this urge to scream that seems to only rise by the second.
what am i doing?
she thinks bitterly,
looking at herself draped in sheets of fine purchase,
bedded beside a man who slumbers peacefully.
a man who devotes himself to her,
but y/n is convinced this is all some sick joke.
what is a girl who's been starved of love all her life meant to think?
when the only time her hands came undone from prayer was to inflict harm?
she is a naive girl playing pretend.
"hey...are you okay?"
she can feel topper's hands on her skin now.
they mold themselves around her being.
by this simple touch,
y/n is calmed.
she long forgets why her thoughts had been storming the way they did,
she tosses aside the dream she had,
and she allows herself to be held by topper.
"yeah, i'm okay,"
she answers.
though she cannot tell if the words are meant to convince topper or herself.
if she's lucky,
maybe both.
"talk to me,"
he requests.
y/n adores the way his words fall from his lips;
never demanding,
only pleading.
"i had a nightmare."
"about what?"
y/n shuts her eyes as it comes rushing back to her.
the laughs of topper's friends,
their pointed fingers to her unworthy existence,
their words of harm that poisoned topper's opinion.
how their taunting had shamed topper to the point of vile words being thrown her way:
"you're embarrassing. i could never love you,"
he said.
though when she remembers it now,
it's blurred around the edges.
topper's voice doesn't sound like his anymore,
it's slipping through the cracks in her memory;
it's being proven wrong as she lays in his ever so loving grasp.
"your friends found out about us and they made you hate me."
the words come out lowly.
she wonders if topper had even heard her.
she hopes so because she can't imagine repeating it;
forcing herself to admit to such a trivial dream,
like she is a child curled in the covers in hiding of procured monsters.
"how can i help ease you?"
he asks,
bringing her into his chest some.
"just tell me and i'll do it. anything at all, y/n."
y/n nestles her cheek to his shoulder and sighs.
she doesn't know.
she doesn't want topper to exhaust himself further,
to rise from this bed in grand gesture as proof,
but she doesn't know.
"will you be honest with me?"
"absolutely,"
he answers without fault.
"right hand to god."
"if your friends...if they really didn't like me, would it bother you?"
she holds her breath in anticipation for his answer.
why do i ask these things?
she knows the answer already and yet,
it seems she finds peace in the torture.
"yes,"
he answers.
but before y/n can fall dejected,
which is happening quickly in the deflating of her limbs,
topper explains,
"only because i know it would bother you. and that my friends would be too stupid to appreciate you for the greatness that you are."
y/n doesn't reply.
she knows she should thank him for his kind words,
but her throat is drying up.
topper leans back to face her and finds himself in awe at the way she looks.
so in need of sleep,
bathing in the light of the moon,
here in this moment with him.
he wishes more than anything his love for her could be shown in something materialistic.
maybe then it would make a little more sense for those unaware,
but nothing of the sorts exist.
how could there when the love they share expands past time, past normalcy, past their own expectations?
he feels like cupid has struck him with an arrow,
and he is glad for it.
topper kisses the center of y/n's forehead before he speaks,
"words have served you little purpose in life. i understand your worries. but, y/n, you're the greatest thing that's happened to me. i wouldn't let anyone taint the air with foul words towards you."
"you shouldn't have to lose your friends for me."
"y/n, if they can't accept you for all that you are, then they are not my friends. how can i prove this to you?"
he asks genuinely.
"how can i prove that i would go to the ends of the earth for you, that i'd lose any and everything to be with you, that you are the only one for me? i'm learning your language, y/n, and i know you need more than these fickle promises. they've served you no good on the past. tell me what i need to do, y/n, and i'll do it."
she can feel the weight of his words,
so full of ardency and merciful pleading.
she can feel the way his hands tenderly hold her,
like she's a precious jewel being discovered.
she watches his eyes gloss over,
feels their enamored stare to her skin,
and she's reminded.
"oh,"
y/n gasps out.
she's never fathomed feeling this way or ever having someone commit to her,
especially so deeply.
"just...hold me for a little bit, will you?"
he does without answering.
he knows he'd hold y/n until his bones turned to cinders,
but instead he will lie with her and fall into the void that is their safety.
y/n is making up for the times she's been left burned by others.
topper is mending those fragments of herself so easily,
without thought or effort,
as though it's instinct for him;
a calling to make her whole.
she breathes in when topper's guided hands glide up her back,
and she exhales when they fall back down.
they are in sync together,
learning how to speak without words.
y/n loses herself in the crook of his neck,
where she can smell the detergent of his clothes alongside the ocean scent that's ingrained into his living.
without much though,
y/n let's her tongue coaxed with care spill free,
"i love you, topper."
and she has no regrets about admitting it.
topper soaks up this words until they're nothing but echoes in his memory.
a permanent divulgence that will tattoo itself across his existence for all of time to come.
when his bones are dug up eons from now,
it will be those words carved into him that are studied.
"i love you, too, y/n. with everything in me."
y/n let's these words carry her to a slumber that is rid of nastiness.
instead,
she is welcomed by swarming colors and a warmth that could only be provided by topper thorton,
the man she loves.
***
"what you over there thinking about?"
y/n picks her head up from the spot she had been staring at and sees topper reentering the room,
a towel tied around his waist in proof of his shower.
"i was just waiting,"
she replies with a soft smile.
it always seems to lie in wait for topper,
the turning of her lips.
"well, i'm back. you're done waiting,"
he mocks in reference to her impatient nature.
though y/n has never behaved this way until topper,
always counting down the seconds until they can tangle into one again.
"yeah, yeah. you love it."
topper comes over to where y/n's sitting and kisses her gently.
with his hand cradling her chin,
he brings her to euphoria.
"i do love it. more than anything."
topper watches as the reassurance washes away all the tension in her body.
good,
he thinks,
i hope she never has to worry again in her life.
topper knows it's unreasonable to think that.
which is why he also knows he'll be there,
right by her side and ready,
whenever she is worried so he can ease her into relaxation.
"look at you,"
he says with a quick caress down her jawline.
"you're perfect."
the word is stripped of any expectations.
the standard to be perfect isn't plausible because y/n already is.
in the eyes of topper,
y/n is perfection.
how delivering it is to be told this after a lifetime of trouble.
she brings topper in for another kiss that deepens with fervor.
y/n begins to lose herself in the depths of him,
but they are soon brought to a halt by the sounds of pounding at his front door.
"topper, boy! come out!"
topper rests his head against y/n's and catches his breath.
she's stolen it from him,
but he doesn't mind.
he'll hand over all the air in his lungs for her satisfaction.
unfortunately,
it's going to take more than that.
y/n's face of contentment falls to be replaced with a frown and eyes storming over.
"hey,"
he calls while bringing her face into his hands.
"they won't come in. you're okay, i promise."
"do you want them to know?"
y/n ponders.
the sounds of his friends cheering and banging on the door seems to grow louder.
"of course i do. but when you're ready. whether that's tomorrow or fifty years from now, that's your decision."
she fumbles with her hands when she says,
"that's not fair though, is it? to have told my friends and not yours?"
"when's love ever been fair?"
he asks with a teasing smile.
y/n falls placid beneath it then laughs.
"i want this if you do."
"all i want is you, y/n. let whatever follows, follow."
y/n hurries to kiss him.
a bit of strength before she faces the impossible.
topper decorates her face in his peppered kisses,
making her spill over with nervous laughter.
he promises her everything will be fine before he rushes down to greet his friends.
meanwhile y/n is left alone and left to get ready.
this is the defining moment of her and topper's relationship.
she smoothes down her messy hair and begins to fix what little bit of makeup she had on earlier.
y/n rushes to check herself in the mirror but stops at what she sees.
how could she have been so blind to this?
what a beautiful change.
she's glowing.
look at the pout or her lips that are spread into a smile,
no longer wearing the stain of a scorn.
look at her skin that has been watered beneath gentle love and brought to a blossom.
there is no denying that this is love in its rawest
form.
"topper! you've got a pogue in your room!"
the words overheard from his friend would have once made her wince and run away to safety,
but now she merely laughs.
there is no where she'd rather be than in the company of topper thorton.
he has proved her wrong in times she swore she knew the ending,
he has let her sip from the cup of adherence and is rewarding her greatly.
y/n opens the door to trail down to this place of conversation,
but stops upon realizing they've begun without her.
"you're banging a pogue?"
"fuck off. she has a name."
"i'm sorry? you're not, like, in love with her, are you?"
the silence is thick.
y/n grabs onto the railing near her in wait for this moment.
the pinnacle of their relationship is here now.
should he fail,
all that y/n has believed in will shatter.
what are you thinking?
she reminds herself.
she has no doubt that topper is there to defend her.
"i am in love with her. not that it concerns any of you."
"dude...that's crazy! she's practically a felon, topper. don't be stupid."
y/n can hear the shuffling of bodies around the room.
it isn't until she hears a thud echo throughout the house that she realizes topper has pinned his friend up against the wall.
"go on, kelce. say something stupid again. i'm begging you."
this is not how y/n wants to come across his friends.
she has not turned him into someone violent or aggressive.
and she needs them to know that.
y/n rushes to topper's side and watches as he immediately releases his friend upon her arrival.
kelce fixes his shirt right and gazes at y/n.
she can see the laughter rising in his body,
waiting to be released at her expense.
"so this is the girl, huh?"
"this is y/n,"
topper corrects.
"right,"
kelce says while clicking his tongue.
"alright. i'm sorry. didn't think it was something serious. haven't seen you that worked up since sarah. and even then, that was something different."
so he sees it too?
y/n wonders.
he knows that what they have is something otherworldly;
a gossamer shine kissing her skin to show.
"look forward to seeing you around, y/n,"
kelce says with a smile she knows is conjured up for topper's sake,
but she accepts it nonetheless.
"thank you. it was nice meeting you, though i'm sorry it had to be after his barbaric attack,"
y/n tosses her thumb over to where topper stands now with a wide smile.
"he's a passionate man. i'd say you both are lucky."
topper wraps his arm around y/n's waist and nods in agreement.
it's then she meets the rest of the quiet friends who only perked up when the drama was tangible.
now that's it's settled,
she finds good entertainment in them.
when all is said and done,
topper wishes his friends goodbye next to y/n who departs from them the same.
throughout the evening of his friends being there,
he watched y/n as she flourished in their conversations and brought them in closer with just the words of her wisdom.
they were seeing y/n for all that she is,
and topper was elated to see that happening.
she deserves to feel loved and accepted.
topper now celebrates her courage by bringing her in for a tight hug.
y/n laughs into his neck but holds him just as tightly.
"you're amazing. never forget that."
"how could i with you around?"
she asks,
pulling back to revel in his glorious eyes.
he smiles when he kisses her.
y/n would like to say things get harder from here,
maybe so she could say she was right all along,
but things simply got easier from where they stood.
topper became fluent in the unspoken language of
y/n,
he made sure every day was one of bliss for his lovely lover.
and y/n let herself rejoice in this offering of love.
she expresses it as often as she can.
who she had been in the past now feels like an old skin;
someone she has shed to become greater.
and now the pair are celebrating what they have created in what was once the darkest moments of their lives.
here they stand now,
loving with every pulse of their heart,
and will continue to do so until the end.