outerbanks imagines.

one of them days-pope

i laid motionless in the bed,
the melancholy thick in the air surrounding me.
i blinked slowly while a single tear of many more to come fell out of my eye.
i hadn't left my room in three days.
my bones were aching from the lack of use;
they were screaming for me to rise out of the bed,
though i couldn't.
i was cemented into my mattress,
weighed down by the gloom gnawing at my insides.
"hey,"
my mother muttered as she now peeked into my room.
without moving my head to face her,
i replied,
"hey."
"you wanna eat?"
eat?
my stomach rolled at the idea of food that i was lacking;
my mouth watered at the mere reminder that nutrients could be so sweet and delicious.
but my mind disagreed with me.
i felt a knot grow in my stomach.
"no,"
i decided.
the silence creeped upon us as she stood in my
doorway,
searching for the words to get her daughter up and out of this rut.
but no matter how hard she tried,
there would never be sufficient enough words.
"okay. i love you."
"same,"
i whispered with a crack to my voice before closing my eyes completely.
the darkened room returned with the close of my door.
i began to wish that this almost tangible darkness could swallow me whole and never spit me out to feel this way again.
i was exhausted;
i could practically hear the sizzling of my burnt out brain.
numbness overcame my body.
i hated fighting this mental battle.
one minute i was happy and loving life,
the next i was desolate and fighting to breathe sufficient enough air;
the weight on my chest made it rather difficult to.
my phone currently on the dresser,
almost dead and gathering dust,
began vibrating with a tone set for just one specific person.
i sighed out and mustered the strength in my mind to up and reach for my phone.
it should be easy,
right?
out of all the trials and tribulations i faced,
answering a phone could surely be the easiest to overcome.
but i failed.
i had no energy left in my body.
at this reminder of my wasteful body,
i felt my breathing quicken,
the tears hot as they built back up.
i had never felt so alone in my life.
though it was completely my fault;
the consequence of my self induced isolation.
i was the cause for my own sadness.
instead of letting my body shake with the sobs i knew were rising,
i pushed it off another hour by taking in a few large, deep breaths,
feeling the air rise in my lungs to fill it full before i exhaled to rid myself of it.
when i was grounded for the time being,
i turned over in the bed and buried my head deep into the pillow.
my eyes were burning from exhaustion and all i wanted to do was drift away.
so that's exactly what i did.
***
i was startled awake by the bed moving and sinking beneath someone's weight.
before i could respond to this intruder,
i felt their arms wrap around my waist and relieve me to contentment.
it took little to nothing for my racing heart to settle again.
"hey lover,"
pope greeted through a whisper,
placing his head into the crook of my neck and placing a kiss there.
the words from his lips vibrated against my skin which made me shiver.
i couldn't imagine how awful i looked,
especially if it mirrored anything how i felt.
but pope didn't seem to care;
he laid gentle kisses to my skin,
caressed areas of my body to soothe me,
and talked as though there were hardly anything wrong with me.
"hey,"
i returned weakly.
"your mom told me you haven't left in some days. you gotta get up and eat soon."
the reminder that the world turned outside,
even while i remained holed up,
made my body squirm.
i couldn't get up and live right now.
i could hardly breathe on my own.
"i cant....i can't,"
i admitted in a cry.
pope pulled me into his chest where my suppressed sobs were forced to the surface by his embrace.
it was comforting to know someone cared,
to feel this support when i couldn't voice my hurt,
to be loved when i am hardly capable of such.
"it's okay. you're okay, i'm here. i'll always be here, okay? i'm not leaving."
pope reassured me with a lingering kiss to my head.
in the bed i hadn't left for days,
joined the boy i loved for years.
i had never felt such eternal gratitude in the midst of my storming woe.
pope pulled me tighter to his chest and for good measure,
whispered again,
"i'm here."
***
i wasn't sure how time had passed by me so quickly.
the effects of mental strain were sure odd sometimes.
i stretched out my tired limbs to the full extent of my bed and felt my foot come in contact with the figure beside me.
pope heyward.
enamor blossomed in my chest all over again.
through my eyelashes,
i looked up to see him lying on my pillow with a hand soon molding itself around my cheek.
he caressed the skin there before saying,
"hey, love."
i adjusted myself to lay against his chest,
with my hands lying flat to his abdomen. 
"thank you for being here with me."
"of course. i'll do whatever i can to help, y/n. you're not alone so long as i'm around."
i kissed his adam's apple then laid back comfortably,
feeling the time pass us with each second.
after a while of lying together,
pope slipped his hand to the small of my back and asked,
"you feeling any better? i can make you something to eat."
i contemplated a while.
i was in no state of being to up and move.
but i couldn't sit here and wither away,
not while pope was here to share his strength.
i nodded my head in response.
pope climbed out from beneath me and out of the bed,
extending his hand to help me move.
this while of inactivity in my limbs made them weak and achy,
but pope was there to lift me up and hold me while i stumbled around.
we eventually made our way to the restroom,
where i would be free to eye myself in the mirror.
i felt my eyes tear at the sight of how loose i had let myself go.
how could pope love someone as unhinged as me?
"hey, don't cry. what's wrong?"
pope asked as he quickly ran the shower to soon
fall forward and wrap his arms around me.
i leaned my head onto his chest for support.
"it's so bad pope...i don't know how you can stomach the sight of me."
it had been true after all,
she could barely look at herself without feeling bouts of revulsion,
how could he possible do it?
"none of that, okay? it's just one of them days, you know? but nothing, especially this, will be enough to tear me away from you. you'll always have me, i'll always be on your side, whatever you need me to be. don't doubt that, okay?"
i nodded in understanding.
pope then helped me to undress and slide into the shower,
where my tired and stiff bones throbbed beneath the hot water.
each move was harder than the last;
it was pitiful.
at my last wince of pain,
pope assumed the position of my caretaker again.
he asked for my permission,
then slid the shower curtain back to find me resting in the tub.
it was vulnerable moment for the both of us;
his eyes full of consideration and love lingered to my exhausted body,
and there was not a hint of judgment.
my health currently laid in his hands in a moment of desperate help;
he did not hesitate to carry my burdens. 
popes fingers soon began massaging shampoo into my hair while i was left to mollify beneath the water.
after the shower was over,
he helped me out of the tub and wrapped me tight into a towel.
"i'll give you some alone time,"
he said while resting a kiss to my forehead.
i was grateful for this opportunity of solitude;
it gave me a moment to think without the angelic presence of pope.
i sat against the counter and eyed myself in the mirror again;
i was on the road to gaining my health back.
i looked cleaner,
though my eyes were still swollen from days worth of crying.
i wondered what today would have looked like without pope's support.
surely even more dreary.
i changed into my clothes for the day,
feeling the clean fabric brush against my now soft skin.
how joyful i suddenly felt about these trivial things;
the taste of toothpaste against my tongue,
the sounds of swishing mouthwash,
the welcoming air of delicious smells.
"lunch is served,"
pope greeted with a smile,
placing a plate of food in front of the chair.
the aroma wafted through the air and settled into my lungs,
receiving an approving growl from my stomach.
before i sat down,
i quickly took pope into my arms and hugged him tight. 
"thank you so much, my love. i don't know what i'd do without you,"
his hands rubbed my back as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.
"you won't ever have to find out."
we shared a short kiss that was enough to show our thanks in one another;
his thanks being that i started another day with him,
and my thanks being that he helped me in more ways than i could have ever asked to be helped.
i took a seat and began eating slowly,
allowing for my appetite to increase,
when pope reached for my hand across the table.
he laid soft pecks against my knuckles,
then my wrist,
before saying,
"there's nothing i wouldn't do for you."
he passed me a glass of water.
i took a small sip then replied with,
"i love you, pope. so much."
pope smiled at the words and reached across the counter to place his lips on mine,
our lips brushing together closely as he whispered the words back,
"i love you too, y/n."
—
this imagine was inspired by an experience of mine. not all mental illnesses look this way & they shouldn't be romanticized.
but i created this to show you people can and will love you through it all.
though you do not need anyone to "heal" you,
it is okay to accept help and support from others.
you're loved,
you're safe here,
and you deserve eternal happiness.
pls don't hesitate to pm me if you have burdens that need carrying.
hope you enjoyed <3
stay safe & healthy.
-e