the fuck it list

chapter 19

Ｌｉｌｌｉａｎ Ｇｒｉｆｆｉｎ

The bright sunbeams on us, making sweat bead along my neck. This is right when I hate that I cheer. I hate the heat. I hate the sun beaming in my eyes as we practice stunts temporarily blinding me. My hands touch the rubber track then my feet then my hands again, the rhythm of doing back handsprings brings me comfort before it makes me dizzy. Football practice ended a few minutes ago making the field feel empty and the stadium bigger.

"Let's practice our last stunt then we can go home," Coach clapped her hands and we all stood in formation.

I stand a bit away from my stunt group. Running I did a back handspring, my feet landing right in front of my back spot. I wasn't facing forward so when I was lifted into the air I turned 90 degrees to face the field. I lift one of my feet to rest next to my knee making me stand like a flamingo. Three pairs of hands grappled at my foot making sure I didn't fall, there was too much to lose if someone did fall. The other cheerleaders below me shift around then I'm slightly pushed upward telling me to rotate my body 360 degrees to fall into their waiting arms. As I rotate the world seems to move in slow motion making my breathing feel lighter. I landed in the awaiting arm but then dropped to the ground.

"Great practice guys," Coach calls out to us, "you guys will get the hang of it as the time comes along."

I grab my bottle of water from the bleachers and head to the boy's locker room. I push open the heavy metal door. The locker room is cold and brings goosebumps to my skin. The sounds of water running and football players talking fill my ears.

Testosterone central.

I head towards Coach Bradley's office to get my stuff.

I walk in and grab my stuff, I quickly leave the locker room thanking god that I didn't have to willingly have to see a guy's dick.

I hop into my car and drive. I have a doctor's appointment in an hour so I stop by the cafe to grab a fruit smoothie and drive to the doctor's.

I fill out the forms and wait in the waiting room. My phone rings from beside me, Cam.

"Why the hell are you calling me?"

"Chill it'll be fast and you don't answer your texts anyways."

"Make it fast, I'm in a hurry."

"If I get kicked off the football team, lose my scholarship, or anything bad that you could do, I can and will turn it on you and make you look bad."

"I don't have time for your bullshit and like I said before I didn't get your brother's scholarship revoked the school took it away because of what you said."

"I'm not playing Griffin," his empty threats linger.

"Ok," I hung up the phone and placed it in my back pocket.

My name is called and I'm brought back.

"I'm just here to talk to you about your lab results from a few weeks back," the doctor says sitting down in the chair. I nod waiting for him to get started, he taps on the computer keyboard pulling up my charts.

"Ok so how are you feeling first of all."

"I'm alright, not feeling anything right now." the keyboard clicks again.

"Since you tested positive I want you to get lab results done weekly and for you to cut down on physical exertion, like sports."

"I'm not quitting cheer, I'm perfectly fine." I try to argue.

"Maybe not quit all together but take it easy," he tries to reason.

"But I'm fine," I whine trying to plead my case.

"Lilly just do what you think is right for you," he says leaving the room.