Is it ok to say I love you? (Crainer X Jelly fanfic)

Chapter Thirteen

TW- Cursing, Sewersidal thought, SH

Josh POV:

"Hello?" I asked, picking up my ringing phone.

"Josh I'm going to tell Ben," The called said, excitedly.

"Wait, what?! Jelle, you're going to tell him?!" I asked, also becoming excited.

"I am! So, look, we just walked back from a café for lunch. But on the way back, I got the crazy idea to hold his hand. I didn't think I had the guts to actually hold it, but I did. And now I've gained a random confidence to tell him and hope for the best," Jelle explained.

"Oh my god, thats awesome. How are you going to tell him?" I asked.

"Um, that's kind of why I called you. I have no fucking idea what to say," Jelle said. "I guess I could just randomly kiss him? Actaully, if he doesn't like me back then kissing him would make it worse."

"Well, it's up to you on what to say and/or do. Maybe you could tell him how much you love him like you tell me how much you love him," I suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea, thanks" Jelle said.

"You're welcome buddy. Oh, also, when are you going to tell him?" I asked.

"Uh, I was thinking about doing it today or something. I don't really know," Jelle responded.

"Ah. I guess just do it when the time is right. What's Ben doing currently?" I asked.

"He said he's going to be in his office," Jelle said.

"Ok. Has he been feeling alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, why are you asking these questions?" Jelle asked with confusion.

"I don't know. I just was trying to know if you should tell him now or not. Like, if he was mad, I wouldn't tell him now," I explained.

"Oh ok. Well, he's been his usual self," Jelle said.

"You should do it now then. I'll hang up," I said.

"Oh ok. I'll call you about how it goes tonight or tomorrow. Bye Josh," Jelle replied.

"Bye Jelle, goodluck. I have high hopes for you," I said.

I pressed the decline button and sighed happily. I already know that Ben and Jelle like eachother. If they don't end up together, I would be surprised.

--time skip brought to you by my uncreative ass--

My chest is pounding and my breathing is quick. I looked at my alarm clock, reading 11:49. I've been laying on my bed for almost two hours, trying to get some sleep. Every night, it seems like all my problems rush down onto me all at once. I can't do anything do make all of these aweful thoughts go away.

I held my pillow close and curled into a ball. My vision became blurry as my eyes filled with tears. I started to breath faster and I started to cry. I forced my eyes closed, just wishing to go tl sleep, but I can't escape from flashbacks to my past. THEY. JUST. WON'T. GO. AWAY.

(btw italics represent flashbacks)

"You are the worst brother in the world! You would be better off dead!" She screamed at me, "Go jump infront of a car and end my misery of having to live with you!"

"ngh," I grunted at the flashback. I was just thirteen and she was fifteen.

"Josh open the damn door! Let me, the favorite child, in!" she yelled.

I looked in the bathroom mirror as the doorknob shook. My face was stained with my own blood and tears. I took a black towel and quickly dried my face. After drying my face, I threw the towel in the floor, pulled down my sweatshirt's sleeves, and put the object in my pocket.

I grasped my left arm, remembering all of the pain. I remeber doing it. It felt aweful, but amazing at the same time.

"OPEN UP BITCH!" She yelled once more, now banging hard on the door.

I pulled up my hood, unlocked the doorknob, and rushed past her.

"Get your unwanted ass out of my sight!" She yelled.

I ran down the stairs and out the backdoor. I didn't stop running until I got to a tree. My safe tree. I slowed down, catching my breath, and sat next to the trunk.

"They wouldn't beleive me if I told them. Ally (not his sisters name) is an 'angel' and is 'perfect'. 'Ally would never do anything bad to anyone.' Well mom and dad, you are so wrong!" I yelled to myself, pulling out the object again.

I rolled up my sleeve again and started to-

"No!" I yelled, cutting off the flashback. I sat up in bed, my back was dripping in sweat and my chest was pounding faster than ever. I put my head in my hand, feeling my wet face.

I sat like this for a few minutes until deciding to get up and go to the restroom to clean my face up. I swung my legs off my bed and stood up. My legs were weak and shaking, so I walked to the bathroom slowly.

I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I saw myself; a broken minded, insecure, worthless me. I put my left hand to the mirror and sighed. I looked down at my outstretched arm. I could remember what caused each line.

After staring at my 'lines', I took a washrag out from under the sink. I turned on the sink and made tbd water luke warm. I put the washrag under the water and got it wet. I turned the sink back off after the rag was wet and I wrung out the excess water. I softly rubbed the warm peice of cloth on my face, making my whole body warm.

When my face was clean, I put the rag in the laundry basket and walked out of the bathroom, going toward my room. But before stepping into my room, I stood in the doorway. I started to get nervous and scared to go back to my room, the place where I become a mess. I looked at my alarm clock, reading 12:13.

"I'll just go to the living room," I whispered to myself, too scared to enter the room of my problems.

I back away from the doorway and walked downstairs. I went down the hall and into the living room, collapsing onto the lounge. My head was pounding due to the crying. I rolled onto my back and covered my head with a small pillow, trying to make the pain stop.

As I focused on trying to lay still and put pressure on my head, I didn't notice that I was almost asleep. I closed my eyes, focusing on my head. Then, soon enough, I fell asleep.
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1125 words

hello everyone, i hope you all are having a good day :)        also im sorry this part was kind of depressing. I felt like I needed to have some sort of representation of some of my challenges in life. And no, I dont have a sister that tries to beat down my door. I have parents that affect me verbally, not physically. Ok, depressing stuff aside, I found out my birthday is the day Wilbur blew up L'Manberg. So, yeah... OK BYE :):):):):)