I'm his | Draco Malfoy

He's just a boy.

I'm sitting on the wall of the Owlery, slightly shivering for the October night's cold.
I can't stop thinking about what Draco told me earlier and how I ruined this all.

He isn't who people think he is, or who he seems, or who he wants people to believe him. He isn't a monster, or the devil, or an evil person. He's just a boy. Just a broken, shattered, fragile boy. He's been strong for too long, no one deserves this. He's never chosen his fate, and could never do anything to refuse it. He's always been so strong. Everyone has always put expectations on him while all he ever wanted to do was being happy.

He doesn't have any one, not for real, no one understands him, or his pain, or what does it mean to be him. I remember what he told me one of the first times we met, and I still don't completely see what it's like to live like him, even as hard as I try. I didn't have the best childhood, but Draco didn't have a childhood at all. He's always been the heir of a whole world he never wanted but which he was forced to grow, live and learn in.

He hasn't become like them, though. I'm still in time, I'm sure of this. No bad person would ever tell me what he told me earlier.

"I don't even have you."

He's shown what everyone would consider as fragility, vulnerability, weakness. I know it's strength and courage.

He never felt like he was worthy enough for being a Gryffindor, but he's not a coward. He's just a boy. A 16 year old boy who renounced his life trying to be perfect and to fulfil everyone's expectations.

You're enough to me, I want to tell him. I know he would never believe me, but I need to try.
People broke his heart and I need to fix it.

I know our relationship isn't the greatest. It's complicated. Weird. But there's a reason why I haven't given up on us yet. I think it's worth fighting for. And if not for that, he's worth fighting for. He deserves someone fighting for him.

I know what it's like having people either fighting to have you or not even trying for you, as a girl with separated parents who've never lived together.

I know his family is difficult as well but at least it's united. I will try to make him feel good for once.

I'm lost in my thoughts when I hear a voice, that I now recognise as Blaise's.

"Black? Olivia? Are you okay?" he asks. I turn to see him with Pansy, who's, oddly enough, not chuckling or staring at me. I raise my eyebrows.

"What do you want?" I ask, glancing at her. "She's not here to fight" Blaise raises a hand to stop me. "Weird" I murmur. "She wanted to-" Blaise starts. "I wanted to ask you to talk to Draco" Pansy says quickly.

I startle, crossing my arms nervously around my body. "What?"

"You heard her. We may not be the nicest people in the world, but we care about our friend." "Friend" repeats Pansy, looking in the void. "Why are you telling me this?" I ask. I'm trembling and my heart is racing.

"He cares about you and you care about him" Blaise answers. "We haven't talked peacefully in weeks" I object. "True, but I- we think it's because he's hiding something. Like he doesn't want you to see a part of him."

I shake my head. "He's 16. He can talk freely." "No he can't" Pansy mutters. "You don't know what it's like to be like us, like him." Once again this sentence is said to me. "I don't know what you've been told, but my biological mother is Bellatrix Lestrange. I've grown up seeing Draco. I know what it's like to be part of the Black family." "We're not talking about Black." "We are. Draco's mother and mine are stepsisters, and their original surname was Black, before they took their husbands'." "She's right, I'd heard that" Blaise is nodding to me.

"Whatever. We're asking you to help him." "Okay. In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to do that ever since I was sorted in Slytherin." Pansy is about to leave, but Blaise stops. "Thank you" he says, and I'm left alone in the Owlery.

Suddenly, the thought of Draco in the Astronomy Tower, looking down, is unbearable to me. I rush to the highest point of the whole castle, breathing hard and panting. The air is fresh and light on my hot and tired face.

When I arrive at the Tower, I immediately see him, looking down just as I knew he was. "Draco" I call, quickly getting closer to him. He's wearing his wizard robes.

He turns to me and it breaks me to see the small drops in his green eyes.
"Draco, hi" I murmur, looking at him. I hope he holds on to my eyes and soul and doesn't let go of me.
He's not looking in my eyes. "Draco, look at me" I say, gently grabbing his wrist. He shakes me off, exhaling.

"Don't" he says. His voice is low, as he hasn't talked in a while. "Don't pretend you care" he goes on. I startle. "I'm not pretending-" "Someone asked you, did they not? Was it Blaise?" I'm surprised he knows it. "I was already coming to you" I reply. "You're hurting me" he whispers, finally landing inside my irises. Guilt grabs my throat. "And I'm hurting you. If we're hurting each other, what's the point of this?" he asks me.

"I don't know" I murmur "but I know there is some. Just the fact of us standing here means something." He doesn't respond but I'm not giving up. "You said you could fix me. Let me fix you. I can try and help you. Please. Let me-" "Nobody can" he whispers. "I'm hopeless. I've known that for a long time and it's fine." I hate to shed tears now but I can't help it.

"Don't cry" he says gently. "Don't give up" I reply, taking his hand in mine. He doesn't scrolls me out this time.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have behaved like that. But I didn't kiss Harry. I couldn't. Please believe me."
"You see" he says "I'm holding you back. I'm a weight." "You're not!" I exclaim. "I'm choosing to do this. You're not forcing me. The same way you chose to help me."

He rubs his thumb over my cheek and I relax at his touch. He smiles slightly. "You're so precious, you know that? You're a Sun" he whispers. I smile at him and he dries off my tears. "You can beat them, you can beat your family." "I can't, on my own" he looks away. "I'm not strong enough, on Christmas they will all look into my life and judge me" he adds. "Sorry I'm still talking" he smiles, apologetically.

I open my mouth. "Can I..." I'm already regretting what I'm about to say.

"Can I come with you?"