I'm his | Draco Malfoy

I wanted you to be proud of me.

DRACO'S POV

The last few days at Hogwarts have been weird, but as long as I can help Via, I will not complain.

I see what losing Sirius did to her. I see what her mother did to her. She reminds me too much of a younger me, and I cannot allow it. She deserves to be happy.

On our last day before summer break, I find myself in need to tell her the truth about what happened when we were not talking. I couldn't bring myself to tell her this earlier, but I cannot leave knowing she believes me to be a person I am not.

We sit down in the Slytherin common hall- I have grown fond of this home I've found, after all.

"Remember when I told you I loved you the first time? After beating up Potter?"

Olivia nods, curious. I so hope she won't hate me.

"I was a bit... high, to say so. My parents kept making me feel happy for doing something they wanted. They convinced me to it during Christmas break, after you'd left. And they keep reminding me how I've been a good son now and-"

"Draco, what did they want you to do?"

I say it quickly, because I know if I linger I'll change my mind.

"The Dark Mark."

She gasps softly, I can't look at her.

"Oh Merlin's beard" she whispers, looking at me.

I pause. "I wanted you to be proud of me. But I couldn't... I couldn't stop."

I can't believe I'm wearing my heart on sleeves like this.

"I don't..." she waits a second "To be honest, Draco, I will always be proud of you, I will always love you. But... are you okay?"

I told her I'm a fucking Death Eater and she asks me if I'm okay?

"Why wouldn't I be?" I answer briskly, avoiding her gaze. I cannot let her see how weak I am.

"Draco... look at me, please" she pleads, taking my wrist, the clean one, gently. "I want you to know that you matter, not in relation to what I or your parents think of you. You are important, you're smart, you're kind, you went through shit and you still can be nice to people, when you want" she specifies, smiling.

I look at her, astonished. "Whatever I did to deserve you" I murmur. She smiles again, and my chest is relieved at that sight.

"Whatever I did to deserve you" she repeats.

She grabs my sleeve, uncovering the black tattoo on my skin, the scary snake, the horrible skull. "Oh God" she says, and I desperately want her to look away. "They were so happy, like I was something important finally, and not the failure I've always been to them. My dad even... he even smiled at me, and he patted my back. Like I was the son he'd always wanted."

I don't realise I have tears in my eyes until Olivia wipes them away from my face slowly.

"Fuck, I'm sorry" I mutter "I really shouldn't."

She stares at me, so sadly.

"I love you" she simply says. "I will always do. You cannot do a thing that will make me change my mind. I don't know, I've never felt like this for anyone else, but it's true."

I have to bite my lip not to smile. "Shut up" I say "I love you too, darling."

"Did it... did it hurt?" she asks, caressing my skin slightly. I shrug. "A bit, at the beginning. Then it was... smooth. Knowing that my mum had it done too helped a lot. She was always stronger than I was, but I kept thinking that if she had done it, I could do it too."

"What will you do now? Are you on His side?" she asks. She seems terrified of the answer.

"I am not, my love. He is just what is better for me, I think. My family thinks so, at least."

"And what do you think?"

"I want to be with you" I say.

"I won't fight at His side, Draco, you know I cannot."

I sigh. "I know. I don't know. Are there really good and bad sides? I cannot leave my family, Via, but I cannot leave you either."

"I won't ask you to choose, Draco. Let's just... wait and see what happens."

I know she cannot be with my family. My step-aunt killed her father. Her step-aunt forced me to have the Dark Mark. She must hate them all.

"I hate them" she said, as reading my mind "but I would never hate you, no matter what choice do you make, my love. I know you don't have a choice. I know you are not free, and I will never blame you for that."

"You can be with Potter, if you want" I tell her. "I don't want to be with Harry, I want to be with uncle Moony, and Dad's friends. Harry is just an effect of it. And I can't blame him for hating Him too."

"I know."

We stay silent for a bit.

"So, this summer..." she prompts "You will write me, right?"

I smile at her, pecking her lips. "Every day, if you want me to."

She is going to stay at Grimmauld with Lupin, while Potter's staying at the Weasleys. She said she wants to try and stay there too, but not initially. She wants to mourn her father.

I'm going to go home. I will not talk to Bella, and I will probably spend my days longing for my return at Hogwarts.

"I want you to" she smiles. I tickle her and she giggles. "You made my year the best one yet" I say.

And it's true.