Beast, Blood, & Soul

* 30 *

New relationships come with a frenzy of emotions and energy. That new relationship energy makes everything seem perfect and rosy. You just want to wrap it up in your arms and never let this little slice of excitement and perfection go. If there are problems....no big deal. You can handle it. Sure, it may have been a problem in their last relationship, but it won't be a problem in yours because you're just perfect together. You're meant to be. Soulmates. Nothing can ever break it.

Soulmates. The biggest bunch of hooey on the planet.

I'm sitting in a boring department meeting, listening to Marcus drone on about something. Daniel just got done droning on about removing the semi from the cliff. Scott Lee, the groundkeeper and all-around repairman will talk about his issues next. Brendan and Ceren will pipe up there somewhere and then it will be Mindy's turn to talk about her concerns.

I suppose I'll need to talk about my stuff at some point, but I'm not really here right now. I know I'm supposed to be taking notes but if you asked me what I'm writing down, I couldn't tell you. Whatever I'm listening to isn't going into my ears. I can't get my mom's words out of my head. Her words are taking up most of my brain. The rest of it is taken up by Namjoon's words, or more specifically, the look on his face.  His fear and disappointment in me. 

I guess I was being the asshole this time.

"since you are trying to force intimacy, you have backed them into a corner. And a cornered person will do whatever it takes to be safe again"

Those words have echoed in my brain ever since Saturday. They echoed in my brain all day Sunday. They've echoed in my head all this morning. They were still echoing in my head when Ceren pulled me to go shopping after work.

"Come on, girl. Your head has been full of cotton all day. Let's go spend some money and relax." She shushed any excuses I had and pushed me into her car and took us far away from the Center.

I let out a big sigh once we entered urban space and the forest was behind me. Man, I'm a sap.

"So, the poly thing not working out?" Ceren tries to look like she's not interested but the smirk on her lips kills the vibe. I can't help but smile at it.

"I got a bit over-excited over the weekend and we're all taking a little breather this week," I quip.

"You? You're like the most normal person I know...You know, besides dating a bunch of drop-dead gorgeous men who stole you out of a club. Can't imagine why you got all excited." she chuckles.

I chuckle, "It does sound a little outrageous, doesn't it?"

"And let's not forget how you're one of the new favorites with all the purple-eyed animals we protect. What could possibly be outrageous about it?" She raises an eyebrow at me. Nice perspective, girl. Gah, this woman never fails to make me laugh.

"It's been a busy week, I suppose." I try going for nonchalant. Seriously, this is just making me feel worse about what a jerk I've been. I need the light-heartedness of my friend, but it just points out that I've been a lousy one.

"Understatement of the century, darlin'," Ceren drawls. She parks the car at the local mall and we get out and move toward the Macy's store taking up the biggest space.

I wonder if I should get the guys a gift?

"Now, this is a shopping trip for us. I don't want to see one manly item in our cart today, got it?" Ceren eyes me like she knows what is going on in my head.

"I was a jerk to them this weekend, I should probably get them something as an apology," I murmur.

"Nope." I look at her in confusion.