Beast, Blood, & Soul

* 52 *

I'm sitting in my bedroom, of my apartment, watching the sunrise. I still can't sleep. I look over and see both Jimin and Yoongi fast asleep on the bed. Nestled together, exhausted from trying to keep me company. I faked sleep to get them to sleep. Then I sat in the chair next to my bed, the one with owl and eagle claw scratches on the back, and waited out the night. I might have dozed a moment here or there, but real sleep never found me.

I just don't want to sleep. It makes the days pass far too quickly and while I want to believe the boys and I can beat the witch, but if it's truly my last week on this earth, I want to see it. I don't want to let a single moment pass in sleep, oblivious to time's passing.

The sun's rising means that Ceren will be here in an hour. She made me promise to join her after breakfast to go shopping. Daniel even told me to take the day off. He even shut the Center down so I couldn't use it as an excuse. Seems a bit extreme, but then again, it's a bit of an extreme situation. Either we'll be alive and free, or dead and enslaved.

A ray of sunlight pierces my window and I marvel as the dust motes float in the sunbeam. Light, airy, no stress, no thoughts of dying. No thoughts of how all this could be lost in just a few days' time.

A tear silently slides down my cheek. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to die. I need to focus on something else.

I open the book my mom gave me of baby pictures. Most pictures are of me after age 2. Mom only included a handful of pictures of me as an infant.

Pictures of either my mom or my dad holding me. I look at the adorable baby in their arms. Loved and secure in her parents' embrace. As I look through my baby pictures, I notice something. In one of the pictures, I look like I have two different hair colors. A trick of the light perhaps? The picture is nearly 30 years old. I look more closely. I'm only a few months old in this picture. My hair is the normal baby cap of thin hair, but there is one section that looks black against the lighter shade of baby hair. Like someone took a marker and put a strip of black in my hair. Huh...I wonder what happened? I wonder if Mom would remember? Maybe the picture got damaged?

I'll have to ask mom about it.

Before I can think any more about it, my alarm goes off. I silence it, letting the boys sleep and I get up and go take a shower. Afterward, I get into clothes that are easy to remove and put on, because I know if Ceren has her way, I'm gonna spend half the day in dressing rooms. I put some makeup on, trying to hide the growing darkness under my eyes. No sense broadcasting that I'm not sleeping. A little yellow concealer soon does the trick and I cover it with my foundation. There, I look well-rested. Well...sort of. My eyes are dull, but whatever.

I shake my head, trying to find some motivation for today and I stop to look at my sleeping boys on the bed. I walk over and gently run my fingers through Yoongi's hair. He looks so pure and innocent in sleep. You'd never guess that behind that sweet face lies a clever, calculating, caring man who fiercely loves his family. I look at Jimin, his face the image of baby sweetness, and my heart hurts from how much I love them. I don't want to lose this. I want it forever, just like my love will go with them forever.

Again, that fear that once the strands are gone, they won't love me anymore, pierces me. I know logically that we've simply shared too much to lose this love, but this is magic. Magic that can transform humans into animals, that can extend life for 500 years and allows that witch to throw me around like a ragdoll. What else can it do?

I close my eyes, refusing to cry out of my fear. I take a deep breath, wrapping my fear tightly and binding it away. I refuse to give up. Yes, I've been in shock for a few days, so sue me, but I'm not giving up. I'm not going to just lay down and make it easy for that bitch.