Emerald Eyes - HP one-shots

The Curse Of The Spam

This story takes place in The Order of The Phoenix.

Hermione Granger swept into the Great Hall recalling the insanity that this year was. It was bad enough that there was OWL year, but when you threw in Umbridge, Harry's mood swings, Umbridge, Ron's lack of table manners, Umbridge, Voldemort, and Umbridge, Hermione was more than great to see the back end of this year. She only had a few more months to survive and she would be in pretty good shape.

Hermione parked herself down at the Great Hall and noticed that someone had sent her a letter. She frowned and opened it up, and raised her eyebrow, when she looked over the letter with gibberish, along with some choice words about Umbridge and how they should take down her dictatorship over Hogwarts.

It was spam, and not the kind you ate either. Hermione pretty much had neither.

Wandering out of nowhere, Luna Lovegood appeared behind her. "What's that?" Luna asked her.

"Spam," Hermione said. "I'm going to get rid of it."

"Oh, you don't want to do that," Luna said.

"It's rubbish, why would I not want to get rid of it?" Hermione asked.

"If you get rid of it, then more will pop up in its place," Luna said. "It's the Curse of the Spam."

Hermione decided to ignore everything Luna said, chalk it up to the usual nonsense she sputtered and calmly set the message on fire, not giving it a thought the rest of the day.

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The next morning, Hermione face off against several more of the notes. When she tore into them, she saw the same seemingly random letters, the only coherent part being the call to arms to bring down the Dolores Umbridge regime from stifling the citizens of Hogwarts. She ran her wand over her to find some kind of deeper meaning.

Ron and Harry joined her at the table and Hermione eyed both of them.

"Did you receive any of these messages?" Hermione asked.

"No, I didn't," Ron said. "I did get an owl from some friendly bloke from Nigeria, who wanted to give me a bunch of gold. Isn't that wicked? And all I needed to do was send him ten galleons. I'm going to have more money than Malfoy."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You'll never see that money," she calmly said.

"But, he seemed so sincere," Ron said.

"Where did you get ten galleons anyway?" Hermione asked.

"Fred and George," Ron said. "But I'm going to pay them back with interest when that bloke sends me the money."

She turned to Harry.

"I haven't got any mail," Harry said. "Well, other than some nutter saying that there's something wrong with the windows, or something. But, that's Umbridge's problem, she's the almighty High Inquistor, isn't she?"

"So do you have any idea who is behind these letters?" Hermione asked. "No one signed them...why did the Headmaster allow all students to receive unsigned letters?"