Cat & Drew's Whirlwind Adventure

1. Beautiful Boy

Everybody's got to die sometime, right? I used to think there was a point to all this, that I had to study hard to get into a good college, so I could get an impressive job and live in an impressive house and start an impressive family. Like the kind of families you see every day in the nicest neighborhoods around Goodbury. I used to watch them in awe—not that my own family isn't well off—and imagine how wonderful their lives must be, but now I know better. They say you're not supposed to have it all figured out when you're only sixteen, but all it took was one summer and I suddenly understand so much more about the world, and the way it works.

One summer, and everything has changed. Now I just think life is a series of moments, most of them small and inconsequential, that don't amount to much when we get to the end. So what's the point? My parents were so excited for me this morning, they don't get it, they think I'm just depressed, that it'll pass now that school's starting again and I'll be able to see all my friends and do all the things I used to love. They want what's best for me, I can't fault them for that, but part of me feels guilty that I can't give them back the shiny, happy son they want so badly.

I'm genuinely shocked my mom didn't stick around to walk me into school, or that she's not still holding up the drop-off lane, lurking. I guess that goes to show how much faith she has in today. My first day of junior year and all I can do is stand out here on the sidewalk, staring up at the imposing brick walls of Goodbury High as I work up the courage to go in. How do I pretend like all this is normal? That I'm a normal teen and this will be a normal year, and like I don't hear all the things people are whispering about me? I hate that feeling, a year ago I was at the top of my class, I was always the smartest guy in the room and I had all the answers.

Now, not so much, but I pull my long sleeves down over my hands anyway, tucking my thumbs through the holes I've worn in the cuffs before forcing myself to take the first few steps up the path. It feels all wrong, like I'm a stranger in these shoes, in this body. I see Lisa, and Tim, and Gunther—all my old friends—and my first instinct is to avoid them, the same as I have all summer. The best bet is probably to rush inside before they see me too, but every step I take gets harder.

Then, it's suddenly like my feet aren't on the sidewalk at all anymore, instead, my toes are buried in the sand. The nervous chatter on a first day distorts to sound more like loud music and cheering. I don't see the school anymore, or the sun, and all I see is the moon cast over the choppy waves of a restless lake, and a roaring bonfire that sits at the center of a drunken party. I've been here before, and I've been here since, I can't stop coming back and I feel this tide rising in my gut, up through my chest, and I'm paralyzed. I'm scared, so scared, but I don't know how to make it stop.

"Drew. Hey, Drew! You okay?" Hearing my name tears me from the memory. My hand shakes, but I squeeze the strap of my backpack tighter to stop it from showing while I turn to look over my shoulder, finding the culprit. "I thought maybe we'd lost you there for a second."

"No, I'm," what? Fine doesn't come anywhere close to covering it, but lying still hasn't gotten any less hard for me. I have to say something though, leave it to thick-skulled Troy Baker to call me out in front of his dad, who happens to be standing right next to him with a concerned expression all his own. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure? Well, maybe you can help settle a debate between me and my dad then." He grins wide.

"There's no debate, do you want to end up flipping burgers like your cousin? I've tried not to be too hard on you, but you're a senior now, you need to put a little more effort into studying and less into sitting out here fiddling with your guitar." Coach reprimands him in turn. They couldn't be more opposite, Troy is definitely not the all-star athlete his dad probably wanted, he spends all his time sitting out here on the wall right outside of the school, playing his guitar in that stupid backwards hat he always wears.